Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Felber's late-breaking thoughts on Brokeback Mountain

Finally saw Brokeback Mountain last night. There's very little dialogue, and when they do speak, all their jaws are locked in a Western death grip and you can't understand a word of it. I missed many key plot points, like why they were sent to the mountain and what they were supposed to be doing there.

Here are my thoughts while watching:

"When are they going to go gay? Now? Now? Now? How about now? OK NOW is a perfect time to go gay. No? Would y’all go gay already? Oi, the suspense is killing me!"

"Gee the theme music is catchy. Bow, bow, ba Bow Bow."

"Cowboys, but no cows? They don't write any good parts for women in Hollywood, especially larger ones."

"Bow, bow, ba Bow Bow."

"Women who make the first move are doomed to end up with a gay man."

"Bow, bow, ba Bow Bow."

"Gay men don’t age, they just get slightly dryer skin, bad haircuts and mustaches."

"Bow, bow, ba Bow Bow."

"So. Slow. Need more gay sex… to stay… awake. Where’s the gay sezzzz Zzz Zzz…"

"Zzz Zzz Zzzz. Bow, bow, ba Bow Bow. Oh, look, it’s an actress with REAL BOOBS. Now THAT is shocking. If they aren't real, then her boobs deserve an Oscar, cause they acted real, right down to not pointing north at all times."

"Being gay is OK. But being gay outdoors is awesome."

"So bored. I wish I could quit this movie. Bow, bow, ba Bow Bow. "

"In the old days people kept their sexuality in the closet. No like, literally, in the closet."