Friday, January 26, 2007

Whatever you do...

Don't say, "the pen is mightier than the sword" to this guy.

Confession: I laughed when I read his lips had to be stitched back together. Is that a sin? "Thou shalt not laugh at the thought of thy neighbor's cougar-attacked lips being stitched back together, even if the photo that thou seest that accompanies thy story makes the entire thing hysterically funny"?

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Yes, I've Fallen Down the Rabbit Hole
(Photos by my bestest pal S. Silverman)

Fact is I'm desperately searching for childcare. I'm going back to the network that shall remain nameless March 15th, and have no idea who will be caring for my baby. I've been contacting daycare centers up the wazoo. The main problem is that they violate the law in terms of # of babes per adult and/or they don't speak any English and/or they are madhouses where the babies are ignored. The one where the director was nasty, didn't speak English and the babies were in cribs that had torn black garbage bags loosely covering the bottom almost sent me over the edge... especially since that was the nicest place I'd seen.

I had post-partum elation, but ever since looking into childcare options in my area, I've fallen into that aforementioned k-hole. Rabbit hole. Same diff. I've been in touch with multiple agencies, the state's licensing board and had a corporate sponsored agency looking. Yesterday, after finding the umpteenth place that was violating the law, I went on a crying jag so long I thought my apartment would sink.

I live in Weehawken, which is a lovely town. The problem is it's the size of a lentil, and surrounded by not-so-nice areas. We're not far from Hoboken, but as that has 5 zillion children, I hear the waiting lists for childcare are so long your kid is already at Harvard by the time your # is called. But I am open to any situation in the NY area anywhere. And I would love to talk to anyone who can offer advice.


Why not? He'd be cared for. Licked throughly, taught pack skills... But this is the NY-area. Even wolves do not come cheap. Plus a live-in wolf always wants full moon nights off.

Here's what I posted on MySpace. If you, Internet community, know anything, please be in touch. I beg of you. Muchas Grassyass. If you can help me, I'll give you my first born... come to think of it, that'd solve my problem, wouldn't it?

Date: Jan 23, 2007 6:57 AM
Subject Help! Childcare: puttin' it out there
Body: Hey y'all. I know, most of you friends are single or childless -- LET ME SAY THAT WAS VERY CLEVER OF YOU! However, I have a new spawn. He is awesome, thanks. But I'm going back to work March 15th and I have no childcare. I desperately need advice, a nanny, info on acceptable daycare (ho ho ho!) or for one of you boys to be my Manny. But seriously, if you know of anything, or anyone wonderful or if you have a friend who might be up for a nanny share... or a wonderful woman who has a baby and who would like to consider an arrangement... or if you just have friends with kids in Hoboken I could talk to. Or something. Anything. I really need help, and would appreciate it bigtime. I live in Weehawken, NJ, a lovely town that's mega small.

Thanks in advance if you have read this entire long boring post!

(Yes, I know, Myspace is for pervs, not ladies looking for childcare. My apologies!)

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Things you mightn't know...

1. Kettle corn is sweetened popcorn. Sometimes, it's made wiith sucrose and tastes like styrofoam with a baby asprin chaser. It makes one think they are being poisoned by Orville Redenbacher, or that there is no god, or both.

2. I have one very small mole, in an adorable place. Jealous much?

3. Eric Drysdale of The Colbert Report, gives a great interview. Especially when I'm the one dishing it.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Want a free iPhone?

Well tough tortillas, sweetheart, they aren't out until June and you can't afford one. However, you can get a cheap thrill by clicking here to read my scintillating interview with writer/comedian Chris Deluca!

Monday, January 08, 2007

yes, we smell the gas in weehawken.

mark my words: if it's a bad smell, it's coming from jersey.