Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Yes sir, that's my baby.

No sir, I don't mean maybe.

Hugo Norbert Holland, 10/28/06, 6 lbs. 13 oz.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Felber presents: Battle of the Corporate Organic Food Blogs!

This week:

Stonyfield Farm's "The Bovine Bugle" V. Amy's Organic "Amy's Journal"

Here are two adorable "get to know us" folksy organic corporate food blogs. But which one rules and which one organically drools? Find out as Felber takes them head to head in 3 thrilling rounds. This is THE corporate organic blog cage match you don't wanna miss!

ROUND 1 -- ding ding ding!


Amy's hot.

Wolf whistle!

Jonathan, the organic dairy farmer, is not.

Looks like a wolf...

Advantage: Amy.

Amy wins this round



Amy might not post very often, but heck, she's a busy college Freshman who was born into the organic biz. She also mentions her dog has one eye. (50 karma points for letting us know you're a good liberal who takes in rescue dogs! We are assuming you didn't poke out his eye yourself)

Jonathan the Dairy farmer totally trumps Amy by including video -- narrated videos of butterflies and flowers from his farm on YouTube. (50 karma points for adorable flakey Vermont farm action on the Web!) But Jonathan has lovely content about the actual workings of his farm. Based on the shifting fonts and styles within each entry, it's clear someone at corporate HQ is heavily rewriting his entries to jazz them up (like the paragraph that specifically mentions cows in a poetic manner), but they are still lovingly crafted ...for a corporate food blog.

Advantage: Jonathan

Jonathan: Round 2 winner

ROUND 3 --


Amy shows off her hybrid car, touts Al Gore's movie and reveals that she and her dog Stormy are vegetarians.



Hang on... her dog is forced to be a vegetarian?

(And this is metioned in the sidebar and elsewhere on the site, so it's like, important you know.)

Holy crow.




Kooky-in-Chief: Amy

Amy wins!

Congratulations to Amy, the hot liberal cliche! Your kooky organic corporate food blog WINS!

Stan says:
"Vegetarian dogs? Blimey! The poor sod."

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


Today when I woke my first thought was, "What is the derivation of the word finial? Does it come from finish? Final? Probably. Right? OK but if so, what language? I've got to look that up. Dictionary? Web. Bed warm. Maybe Ed will look it up. Oh, he's asleep. It's chilly in here and I doubt he wants to Zzz zzz Zzzz ZZZzzzzzz..."

Note: I found the answer. But don't worry! I will not spoil the fun you will surely have finding the answer out for yourself. Also, if you came here via an Internet search, because you too were haunted by the root of the word finial, welcome. There is no doubt in my mind this word is going to be very hot in 2007. I strongly encourage those with entrepreneurial spirit to snatch up finial.com, finial.net and finial.org.

OK, this post is finito.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Happy Display Gratuitous Pictures of your Pet Day!



Action shot! (sorta)
What as a close up too? Gratuitous!!!

Weehawken mascot
Unnecessary! Unwarranted! Unjustified! = GRATUITOUS!

Stan says,
"This is an extremely silly post..."

"I am not amused."

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Act now!

No, seriously act NOW before these two fabulous articles by my Ed slip behind their coy $ubscription veils.

(These are from a special annual FT ski thingymahoob they publish called "Pink Snow")

Those little beauties on the rack
By Ed Holland
Oct 20 2006

Frolic, Caper and Dipsy Doodle. . .
By Ed Holland
Oct 20 2006

Friday, October 20, 2006


Today I came across a publicity photo for a upcoming comedy perf and found I was in the photo (if not in the actual show). As its a long-running show and the performers rotate, that's totally cool.

This photo of me, taken last year, seems really neat and I've never seen it before.

And the problem is?

I can hardly see it now:

Man I'm beautiful when I'm barely visible!

Do you think it would be ultra vain of me to ask the show's producer to send me the photo in non-molecule sized form? Or is that bad form?

This is a rhetorical question because I don't have comments.

And, come on, I'm so going to ask.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Project Uglyway

Remember the ugliest pillow contest I entered?

Well my ratty pillow didn't even make the finals.

I don't know, but to judge from the competition, I feel my ugly pillow wasn't "hip" ugly enough.

Ugly? More like a puffy Ebay goldmine !

I'm so peeved my ugly pillow didn't make it, I have half a mind to sic a gangsta stringray on their asses.*

*Read: Stingray Leaps Into Boat, Stabs Man in Chest - AOL News

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Today I was home and watched TLC. The network formerly known as "The Learning Channel".

What did I learn? Tons!

1. Really stupid people have babies all the time and love to be filmed when looking their worst.

2. Your friends secretly hate the way you dress and relish showing the nation how lame you are by taking secret videos of you.

3. Gay men are cruel, but they want nothing more than to make homely women look good. (And I thought they were gay to have sex with men? Duh. No way!)

I wasted a whole day with this dreck.

"Live and Learn" indeed...

Sunday, October 15, 2006

I don't usually recommend books on this here blog.

(unless they are written by friends and relations)

I don't usually read enormous door stopper-sized biographies.

And big-ass biographies don't usually make me bawl at the end, making me dissolve in great heaving sobs.

But this one did.

Especially if you are, or have ever been, a New Yorker, pick up this enormous mother.

Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow. It's unsually good.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Wish me luck!

In America's ugliest pillow contest.
Design Sponge -- America's ugliest pillow contest entry
What this sad-ass pillow lacks in fugly, it makes up for in heart-wrenching story...

Fingers crossed!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

My brother is an idiot.

You heard me. Oh which brother? Surprise! It's not the one who usually seems a little bit 'tarded.

My brother Adam is an idiot.

Exhibit: Adam


He recently got a full page review in the Sunday New York Times Book Review and didn't even mention it on his blog.


Well maybe because his novel had already been reviewed in the NY Times two weeks before and he felt an embarrassment of riches.

Or maybe, he's busy working on that TV show he's doing. Or maybe he feels his NPR-addled* fans only want to hear about how Bush is an idiot (for the umpteenth time in every flavor).

Or maaaaaaayyyyybeeeeeee...


(I report, you decide.)

In other novelists-I-know news, Kiran Desai, a woman I went to college with, just won the Man Booker prize. She is the youngest woman ever to do so.

Exhibit: Kiran

Holy crap, right?

Kiran and I spent the most time together when we were the two Bennington students lucky enough to land two overpaid jobs at the Getty Center in Santa Monica. During the two months I spent in Los Angeles I was mugged (the guy got about 5 dollars), carjacked at gunpoint (a friend's car, and they almost drove away with me still cowering in the back seat) and I found myself living with a crack-addicted Bennington alum in a rat-infested crack house before a call to my mother that merely hinted that my surroundings weren't perfect led to my being swiftly taken in by my Beverly Hills Aunt who I had met about three times in my life during her brief sweeps into NYC.

Back to Kiran...

I have not been in touch with her since college. But I can say she was truly one of the nicest people you could ever know, very bright (but unlike the rest of Bennington kind, she didn't feel the need to wear a sandwich board declaring it) and lurking behind the nice introverted girl with impeccable manners was a wicked sharp sense of humor.

So successful, so young... you wish she was a female Franzen, right?

Sorry, but no. I couldn't be happier for her. Incredible and inspiring.

*I really enjoy NPR. I went to an ultra-liberal college in Vermont with no TV reception, no desire for TV reception and NPR was my constant companion. That being said, I think people who listen to too much NPR have their brains rotted as nicely as those who watch too much Fear Factor. The only sticky difference is that the TV addict knows it's junk, but the NPR addict comes away from their 'tainment feeling superior. And when the NPR listener is separated from their radio for too long they start composting anything within arms reach and their version of the DT's is repeatedly scratching their scabies and snottily telling you they don't watch TV. I know because that was me. So when I encounter a NPR freak I go all NRA and want to invade lots of countries just to see them sweat.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

In the Catskills for some much needed R & R.

You understand...

Thursday, October 05, 2006

I'm fresh
...and gooey too. And no, no one ever told me. Berti my globe-trotting superfriend, you rock!

From: berti p.
Sent: Thursday, October 05, 2006 10:48 AM
To: Susie Felber
Subject: You were thought of...


I am sure this has been brought to your attention many, many times before...but in the (very) off chance that it has not, did you know that all over Vienna, they have these incredibly tempting stands selling fresh, gooey pastries named Felber (the stands, not the gooey pastries). I'm happy to report that the fact that these stands shared a name with the Fabulous Felbers was all the excuse I needed to stuff myself with goodies every chance I could.

[rest of personal email redacted...use your imaginations]


Vienna Felber pastries

Check it out, I just found the Felber bakery site! And I found they make an adorable rhino horn pastry that benefits an Indian rhino! The best part is that they are sold at the zoo and are filled with real rum so kids can get as large as rhinos and drunk. Now THAT'S a Felber.

Note: the preceeding message only interesting to Felbers.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

New York's Natural History Museum introduces sleepovers

Ever wonder what it would be like to be homeless in the Arctic, surrounded by vicious polar bears and a gaggle of annoying upwardly mobile New Yorkers -- knowing that soon you'll be sleeping under a blue whale's balls?

Well wonder no more!!!

You can be among the very first to spend: A Night at the Natural History Museum!
(For reals y'all... check the link)

It's only $79 dollars per person. And what''s more, after hours with the lights dimmed and your flashlight in hand you can explore the museum and you'll notice 40% less dust on the crusty old exhibits than you would during the day! That will surely jazz up the upstate NY orchard dioramas!

There's no doubt about it: Locking your children in a museum for the night is a great way to get them to learn. Or, maybe you just want to molest some kids in front of penguins or giant sea sponges?

So come on down to the American Museum of Natural History's brand new Night at the Museum!

Sleepovers at the AMNH: Because for over 100 years, we have excelled at putting people to sleep.

Note: I kid because I love the Nat History Museum -- the blue whale, sea sponges and the crusty old diorama's in particular. The cross-section of a chipmunk's digs RULES!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Bugaboo: The most appropriately-named stroller in the world...

bug·a·boo (bug'e-bu)
n., pl. -boos

1. An object of obsessive, usually exaggerated fear or anxiety
2. A recurring or persistent problem

There are some things I wish I could erase from my brain. Namely, images of Holocaust victims and learning the name & price of the omnipresent Bugaboo stroller. Check out this Sporty Young Couple I spied this weekend in Manhattan. On Park Avenue and 59th to be exact...
bugaboo nyc
This stroller retails for $729 dollars.* For another $100, they could've gotten it in yellow. Cheapskates.

*Actually, they were sporting the Bugaboo parasol and the Bugaboo diaperbag, bringing this strollers total to $869.

Speaking of the Holocaust and Bugaboos, I like to imagine this sporty young couple (SYC) will have a Schindler's List moment:

SYC: We could've got more...We could've got more, if we'd just...we could've got more...

Stern: Sporty Young Couple, forget the orphans of Darfur...there are eleven hundred people who strive to have a luxury stroller because of you. Look at them.

SYC: If we'd made more money...we threw away so much money, you have no idea. If we'd just...

Stern: There will be generations of stylish couples because of what you did.

SYC: We didn't do enough.

Stern: You did so much. Imagine if you'd had a Graco. Like, ewwww. So tacky. For the 'burbs dahling.

SYC: This Bugaboo Cameleon breezy canopy. Goeth would've bought this Bugaboo Cameleon breezy canopy. Why did we keep the Bugaboo Cameleon breezy canopy? Ten people, right there. Ten people, ten more people... (He rips the Bugaboo Transport Bag from his shoulder) This Bugaboo Transport Bag, two people. This is $121! Two more people. He would've given us two for it. At least one. He would've given us one. One more. One more person. A person, Stern. For this. We could've gotten one more person and we didn't.

They break down in Stern's arms, convulsing in remorse and guilt - some of the workers step forward and comfort him in their arms. Mrs. Dresner picks up one of the Bugaboo footmuffs from the ground. The Sporty Young Couple and their driver wear the easily-identifiable, deceptively-casual expensive uniforms of Upper East Side parents - the Sporty Young Couple's tortured faces are reflected on the car window, superimposed over the face of the illegal nanny as she slowly tries to get their notoriously difficult-to-fold Bugaboo into the car.

Update: Thanks for the linkage, Gawker.