Thursday, February 27, 2003

Props to Comedian Larry Miller
No One Other Than Me Will Give a Crap About This.

Thanks to the Ali G lead in, I caught Larry on a re-run of the new Bill Maher thingamahoobie last night.

Maher's new HBO show is called Real Time. "Real Time" is a good name and an even better idea than their working title, "Politically Incorrect with Cursing Allowed also Attempts to be The Daily Show with a reconditioned Dennis Miller Live Set." Whatever. It's brand new. Shouldn't and can't judge yet.

There was a panel of three guests plus Bill. Politically Incorrect had four guests plus Bill.

This stands to reason as back when Maher created PI, he was a comedian and host, not a political pundit.

[insert 1 pissed cat noise here]

As I was not saying and to make a short story not long...

Larry impressed me. When he could get a word in edgewise, he was intelligent, strong, yet never resorted to cheap attention getting tactics. If aliens dropped in from another planet (a planet that also liked to watch premium cable channels after a few glasses of wine) and you asked them who the comedian on that panel was, betcha Larry would be their last choice. And aliens have superior intelligence, as we all know, so go know.

For Miller was neither loud nor zany. When he was giving his views on Iraq, I turned to my man and said, "That's really brave for a guy in Hollywood." I've noticed people in entertainment are either dead against any action towards Iraq or they are dead silent for fear they will be labelled Bush-lovers (me?), war-mongers (what?!) and the like. Sure enough, a few minutes later Miller made a joke saying something to the effect of, "I'd say more, but the people speaking out against the war are making the movies I want to be in."

If you don't know Larry, you know Larry but you just don't know it. He's been in and voiced a bazillion different things. Had he a website, I'd link to it, but I couldn't find one. But thanks to searching around today, I found he also writes really interesting articles for The Standard.

I know, "interesting" is such a flaccid word. Do I agree with him? Totally disagree with him? Neither one?

Well this ain't a political blog. In a pathetic little venue like this here thingamayab, I just can't get it up to spew my opinions on any one of the world's manifold horrors. There are so many people dying to tell you what they believe on their blogs and I delight in the fact that they do.

I'm not one of them. OK? Can we still be friends?

But check this: share a glass of grog with me and maybe a plate of wings. Then if you're very unlucky, between bawdy banter I'll bore your socks off with what I think.

No this is about the fact that I've always respected Larry as a comedian -- especially as a comedian who turned his talent into a diverse and long-lived career. Right on. And so herein are my props to Larry Miller for taking chances and showing off more of them there fancy multi-facets.

Hey, I warned ya you wouldn't be interested.

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

My Mom

Her latest book came out yesterday. If you don't buy one, I'll hold my breath until I turn blue. Or not, depending on which annoys you more.

But seriously my mom's a really fabulous writer of amazing historical romances and I'm not just saying that because I still feel guilty for giving her a varicose vein or two. Oh yeah, haven't you heard? Both my older brothers left her veins pristine. But me? I'm the one who made them go all kablooey. Or Ka-blue-y as the case may be... as the case is... anywho...

Here are some FAQ about my mother's novels:

1. Are they dirty?

Do you find love dirty?

2. No, you know, are they dirty?

No! They are well-written, literate -- they aren't "inch by inch" novels.

3. Yeah right.

Hey, that's not even a question!

4. Whatever. Your mommy writes smut.

Shut up! Her books are not smut! Not smutty at all! Hey, have you ever actually read a romance novel?

5. What? Like a Harlequin?

My mom doesn't write Harlequins. Hers are different, but fine, yes. Like a Harlequin? Ever read one?

6. Excuse me while I get a smirky and sniffy look on my face?

If you must.

7. Me? Read a Romance novel?

Yeah, you.

8. No way! I read real literature! I read what the NY Times tells me to! Or I read historical adventures that are really thinly-veiled romances but they're marketed to men so my intelligence doesn't feel threatened!

Your intelligence?

9. Actually so my penis doesn't feel threatened.

I thought so.

10. Did you know I usually buy books just to look cool reading them?

You mean just to have them displayed on your coffee table, right?

11. Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

12. Listen, to be honest I fear that if I'm caught reading a romance, my manhood might shrivel up and fall off...

Actually, if you read her, you might learn something in that area.

13. Ah HA! So she DOES write dirty books! I knew it!!!


Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Lazy Blogger Technique #27: The Link

Brody Stevens

Fabulous comedian, friend (at least last time he was on the right coast), and a guy who has been close enough to smell many of my fave baseball players. Instead of smelling them, he entertains them, gives them friendship... or so he says.

I think Brody is also doing warm-up for Jimmy Kimmel Live, these days. If I'm wrong about this Brody, return the unused portion of this blog for a full refund.

Something about the layout of Brody's site makes him look like a total lunatic.

He's not.

He's a stark raving lunatic.

Ah but he's the taste sensation sweeping the nation.

And he's a nice boy. So go. Just the pictures alone are worth the price of admission.

Correction: I learned Brody is mostly doing warm-up for a sports show on FOX, but sometimes pinch hits for Kimmel. Actually, not a correction, as no misinformation was conveyed in the first. But Sweet Juno! Imagine if I got this warm-up comic info wrong! We'd all be goners!

Friday, February 14, 2003

Stray Pride!

My Stan has just won a national photo contest from a left coast outfit called Dog Remedy. Even more impressive than the photo is the way he set up the tripod and got the exposure just right. Still, some of the credit must go to my mother, who told Stan numerous times, "No, bad dog! Put down the 400 asa!"

So check it out. Supposedly 150 bucks of dog goodies are on the way. Boxes of kibble? Mink dog coat? Or just a pair of Marc Jacobs shoes for me so I look good enough to walk such a glam dog?* Stay tuned for all the late-breaking developments!

*Actually, the Marc Jacobs shoes I have coveted cost as much as a computer. But I would never look a gift dog box in the mouth. Probably because it doesn't have one.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

My Ed (yes I own him) is an ed. for a major newspaper. He is not in showbiz. He does not crave the spotlight.
Thank Thor for that.

Ah but here... here he is starring in his very first feature film. Go and crank up the volume. This secret link was written and brought to you by Bob and the letter M.*

*Actually the letter M had nothing to do with it, but is always trying to take credit for stuff it hasn't even come to rehersals for.**

It's Fashion Week in New York City!

But with the current threat level upped, it's kind of scary.
I mean, does this terror alert go with my eyes?

Ba dum BUM!
I'm a riot.
Back to work.

*Interesting how the fashion people chose the same pre-fab blog template as me, i'nit?
This means that I am either a very cutting edge fashionista
they also know jack about designing pages.

Monday, February 10, 2003

Amazingly Compact Reviews
if you find a shorter review anywhere, return the unused portion for a full refund.


Rufus Sewell

George Elliot's Middlemarch



Too much street salt and dog's paws.

Not returning Middlemarch to library on time.

Kevin Costner*

*It must be noted I disliked Costner way before Waterworld, The Postman and even pre-Madonna's classic retching gesture.

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

Last Comic Standing -- update-a-roo!

Hope yet...found out Eddie Pepitone, my pal and boy comedy genius, was selected as one of the final 10 from NYC. Now he and 9 others face off against the 10 west coasters to see who's LCS.

And ah... no other news, really. Going in a mo to do a quick spot at the Duplex. Venerable mainly gay bar down the street, but everyone is made welcome there, even Stan. Love the crowd (when there is one) and Poppi Kramer, your host and bartender, works her magic and overcomes the early hour of 7PM to make it a good time Wednesday show. 2 for 1 drinks don't hurt either...

What I'm saying is they help... but you, gentle blog reader, knew that, didn't ya? Ya.

Sunday, February 02, 2003

Monologue Challenge.

My way of forcing myself to write topical material, the likes of which you'd find an audience yelping and yipping for on a late night show, but groaning at in any other medium. Note the outrageous barbs of hilarity and multiple cheap punch lines on a topic.* :

Critics of Britain’s Prime Minister Tony Blair are calling him "America's Poodle." He got this name of course, because of his support for President Bush. But his ability to balance a ball on his nose didn't’ hurt.

Critics of Britain’s Prime Minister Tony Blair are calling him "America's Poodle." Poodle breeders are angered by this stereotype. One said, « Not all poodles promise to devote military resources to a unpopular and sketchy war. If brought up properly, the poodle will heed UN recommendations. »

The World Health Organization has warned that terrorist groups could try to contaminate food supplies. The idea of tampering with food on American soil came recently when terrorists saw it would be more cost effective than their previous method, namely, giving Americans free trips to Mexico.

Study released this week said about 1.5 million people die each year due to diarrhea-related illnesses caught from eating contaminated food. Yeah, true. Taco Bell could not be reached for comment.

The World Health Organization has warned that terrorist groups could try to contaminate food supplies. Steps are being taken to guard against truly dangerous foodstuff. One official said, « What we fear is the formula for McDonald’s Extra Value Meal to falling into the wrong hands. »

Actor Peter O’Toole is rejecting an honorary Oscar. Yeah, Peter has never won an Oscar despite seven nominations but he said he’s « still in the game and might win the lovely bugger outright". Academy Awards ceremony producer Gil Cates was quoted as saying it’s « awfully silly » of Peter not to accept the award. The honorary Oscar used to go by another, longer name. It was called « The-best-actor-most-likely-to-die-this-year-and-make-us-feel-guilty-we-didn’t-give-him-one-before » award.

This year we celebrate the Year of the Goat. With this gentle Sign guiding most of our 2003, the Chinese say we can expect a time of harmony, tranquility and understanding. The Goat encourages us to be more easygoing and and for the next year, we'll pledge to live our lives in a quiet, peaceful manner. To this President Bush responded, « Yeah, right! »

Thousands of Mexican farmers are protesting saying the North American Free Trade Agreement or (Nafta) has led to a flood of cheaper imports from the United States and Canada. The farmers have already warned that unless their demands are met, they will step up their actions by blocking ports and border crossings with the US. This would be dire news for the US and Canada. One US farmer said, « If I can’t get a fresh supply of Mexican labor, I’ll never be able to compete with Mexico. »

Thousands of Mexican farmers are protesting saying the North American Free Trade Agreement or (Nafta) has led to a flood of cheaper imports from the United States and Canada. The farmers have already warned that unless their demands are met, they will step up their actions by blocking ports and border crossings with the US. The INS and US border patrol agents, currently strapped because of budget cuts said, « OH NO! Please don’t block the borders so that no one can get through! »

*Please don't be afraid... I mercifully only did 3 of these last night, during monologue challenge. Also, the whole Mexican bashing theme is just a co-inky-dink. I heart Mexicans. Seriously, if you're Mexican my door is always open. Mexicans and I have a symbiotic relationship much like the shark and the remora fish. I am really pushing this too far, no? Yes.

Saturday, February 01, 2003

Last night's Gershwin Hotel show was hopping... my octopus material, hatched over Korean BBQ went swimmingly. I would venture to say no comedian has ever done such brilliant octopus material after Korean BBQ -- ever. Man I adore Korean food. The kim chee brings me back to happy childhood memories of eating the insanely spicy pickled cabagge at my best friend Yuh Suhn's house. But wow, Korean joints have cornered the market on condiments of excitement! Plus, how can you not love asking about what a sidedish is and getting the response, "Like a snail."

I said, "Like a snail?"

The waiter said, "Yeah. Like a snail. But not snail. Like a snail. Seafood... Like a snail."

I ended up not trying the like a snail and I almost regret it.

But tonight is no time for lingering in the past over Korean-meals-gone-by! No! Tonight is the big shoe...

Felber's Frolics
Every Saturday @ 10:30 PM
Ye Old Tripple Inn
West 54th Street Between Broadway & 8th Ave.
FREE, no minimum

Here's the line up:

The music of Bob Powers
The slapstick of Debbie Shea
Andre DuBouchet and his magic lantern show
Ben Morrison and his trained satin dancing birds
as always, a performer who is new to me. Ye Old Tripple virgin: William Lewis Wexler.

with the wonderful sidekickery of my more talented brother, Adam Felber. And the hilarity and drama of Monologue Challenge.

Join us, wont you?