Thursday, June 28, 2007

Paris Hilton is an ass. So are a lot of other celebrities. paris_sequence04OK, now that I've got your attention with a picture of Paris Hilton's ass...

As we approach the holiday weekend, police from coast to coast aim to crack down on drunk driving.

Read my drunk driving roundup/rant, "DUI = Dumb Under the Influence?" here on the Court TV blog.

The only thing I forgot?

This asshat's DUI.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


"A look at the world of sports from the cheap seats."

Disclosure: Everyone writing for this blog is a pro comedian and/or writer/producer/director and is either my friend, my family or my husband, so of course it's going to be awesome.

UPDATE: Read my brother Adam's excellent post about the nosebleeds, here.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Your dog ignored on a Manhattan roof -- only $1000/month!

The Ritzy Canine Carriage House, "New York's city [sic] preeminent luxury quarters, daycare and veterinary facility for dogs and cats," has a rooftoop billed thusly, "Your loved one will revel in the simple pleasure of playing outdoors in the fresh air." Well, my undercover, overhead investigation reveals "play" = bored dogs hoping the guy on the roof will stop texting his girlfriend and throw a ball. All pictures taken on 6/20/07 by me.

Undercover pooch
Ritzy Canine Carriage House

"Please pet meeeeeeeeeeeee!"

And finally, fat NYC dogs getting fatter...
<-- Look at the dog stage right... he's dreaming of his rich and overly guilty owner's bed.

A few years ago, I worked briefly at a dog spa in Manhattan (not this one). I didn't last long for a variety of reasons. What I learned could fill a book. And so that's what I'm doing. Stay tuned...

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Who dat?

My Birthday by Stephen Gardner
Happy Birthday to me!

Don't miss my good friend Stephen Gardner's ambitious, awesome new blog, Sketch of the Day. Steve is a incredible professional illustrator whose precise and beautiful works I've blogged about before (here too). Partly inspired by the MA in illustration he recently completed (while also working as a pro illustrator), on Sketch of the Day he shares his sketches, and dashed off thoughts, letting himself be more experimental and in the moment.

I personally love his really quick slices of life. they are like poetry. Only someone with so much training could make something so simple, so beautiful. Like this parking pic in Crown Heights Brooklyn...

And this nakedy lady at the Society of Illustrators...

So if I were you, or your were I, I'd check him out everyday, right here.

Monday, June 18, 2007


To commence live from Hoboken @ approx. 8:45-9pm. Stay tuned...

Note: Photos will be taken and added later. My computer is too slow to handle my photog and lightening fast wit. UPDATE: Photos added!

9:00pm-- It's on! Well, not really, but the music is loud and so it seems like something is going to happen. Ooooh, very exciting.

9:02 -- Music still loud Crowd going wild. If by "wild" you mean, waiting patiently.

Music + milling about = Major Excitement!

9:04 -- Adam Wade introduces Chris Deluca, using all sorts of charm and pounding Deluca's TV cred into the crowd. Crowd going insane. If by insane, you mean listening and sipping drinks.

9:06 -- Deluca introduces me, mentions I am live-blogging. My only credit he announces is that I live in Weehawken. That's awesome. I do comedy for a decade and I get "lives in Weehawken." Deluca = dead.

9:08 -- Deluca going 100 m.p.h. on marriage material. He's too fast for my typing skills. He did punchlines that involved a condor, Stockholm Syndrome, the Hulk. Listen people, if you want the jokes ya gotta come to the show.

9:10 -- Deluca's bomb line about the soundsystem-- "I could almost not hear you laugh" -- kills!

9:12 -- Deluca introduces former Tough Crowd writer, Ritch Duncan -- and he's up!

9:16 -- Enjoy this out-of-context Ritch Duncanism: "All kitten AC/DC cover band."

9:18 -- Duncan expertly "takes the piss out of me" and my live-blogging. I love it.

9:19 -- Duncan scores a hit with his, "The whole ad campaign for Vegas is 'Hey, we've got whores!'" bit.

9:21 -- Duncan doing fab.

9:23 -- His big dismount: The hot dog bit!

9:23 -- Deluca up and presenting the faux survey, "Worst names for describing a blow job." "Thorny, Lack Luster, Capra-esque, Maternal." .And the winner for worst adjective to describe a blow job -- "toothy."

9:25 -- Deluca on Port Authority bus terminal day v. night, "A head on a skateboad tried to sell me batteries" and "I lost my wallet, my identity was stolen by a dragon."

9:28 -- Margot Leitman up!

9:31 -- Margot is talking too fast for my crap typing. People like her a lot! Getting mega laughs. Here's a sample of words I can capture, "genital warts" "hpv" "Nancy Reagan"

I screwed up and didn't get a photo of Margot that was cool, so please forgive and enjoy the photo of Heather (who went up later in the eve).

9:33 -- Thought: Judging from the laughter, and the haircuts, Hoboken has a lot more straight men than Manhattan and Brooklyn. Just saying.

9:35 -- Margot tells us she's from "the town next to the town Bon Jovi is from." This is way beyond my geographical knowledge. Jerseyites seem to dig it.

9:36 -- Adam Cole Kelly, writer for Best Week Ever, is up. Tells ladies not to stare at his legs, that it makes him uncomfortable. Tells his gold "sun wearing sunglasses" joke.

9:40 -- Adam tells fat chick at Applebee's joke. It does so well I am now convinced there are more straight men in Hoboken.

<-- This photo I took of Adam is NOT payback for him making fat chicks joke. But it could be, couldn't it?

9:41 -- Adam, probably sensing the undeniable hetero make-up of the room, launches into his pornography material.

9:43 -- Adam's "Cinderella Man" v. "Cinderella, Man" joke makes me happy. I laugh louder than anyone, me, alone in a bar at my mac. Nerd, party of one!

9:45 -- Deluca, our multi-talented host, asks me, from the stage, how live blogging is going. I am so focused eye of the tiger-style on my blog I make barely any sense. Awesome. But luckily no one outside of this room will ever know I made no sense. Oh. Wait a minute...

9:47 -- Adam Wade is up!

9:49 -- Adam is funny and cute. How cute? He's making hetero buzz cut boys giggle.

9:50 -- Thought: It's possible that only my mom is following this blogging, live. Hi mom!

9:53 -- Did you know... Hoboken411 covered this show two days ago. And Real Hoboken has a funny interview by Adam with Deluca about tonight's show.

9:57 -- Wade's story kills. Too involved to explain. Sorry kids. Now he's doing a final story to lovely music. Aw, sweet.

10:00 -- Deluca on Wade's touching story of young love, "That's a great story Adam, but it reads a lot better on the police report."

10:01 -- Deluca tells us what he was thinking about our audience, "I wish Anne Franks' family were as silent as they are today, maybe they'd be alive today."

10:03 --Heather Fink up! Opens on "Bulimic pony's at a Japanese restaurant" bit and seques into "back fat is the funniest fat."

10:06 -- Oh, before Heather went up Deluca complained saying there were no comments on my blog, so he counld respond. Dude, I haven't had comments ever. Not once since 2002. Maybe you don't know you hired THE Susie Felber: Live-blogger to the non-stars?

10:07 -- Heather is hot and doing odd material. Now the hetero boys are scared. You let your freak flag fly girl!

Heather pre-show. Nice + pretty + comedy = scary

10:09 -- Jake Goldman up!

10:14 -- Jake doing a surreal penis/astronaut bit. He is riding that "freak the crowd out" wave. He ends on, "I was going to put a jar of honey on the stage and have the honey do these same jokes... and I think it would've had the same effect."

10:15 -- Deluca plugging the email list! Thanking everyone! Calls me beautiful. How often is a live-blogger called beautiful? I am clapping and hooting louder than anyone for everyone.

10:17 -- Show over! A good time had by all. My camera battery is dead. That's how rockin' the show was. Broadway Schmoadway! Woodstock Schmouldstock! Ringing Brothers-Schmingling Brothers! This, the Hoboken Comedy Experiment is the greatest show on earth. Until next time Hoboken...

Kisses (g'night mom),


UPDATE: After the show Deluca told me someone on Hoboken 411 comments called me a great blogger and big fun. Very apt description of me and my fun! Big kisses to the anon person who said that -- mwah!
ME, Tonight

@ The Goldhawk
10th and Park

Chris Deluca is hosting. Should be a good time. And since I'm live-blogging the show, it goes without saying that you can follow along here at 8:30pm too. It goes without saying, but I said it anyway. I'm crazy like that. See you there. Or here.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Today is my birthday. It's also Father's Day.

Susie and daddy
Me and my dad.

My dad's been gone almost 9 years. I miss him daily. My mom told me I was born on Father's Day. I just checked an Internet calendar for my year and found I was born right around mid-week. Ah well, sorry everyone I've ever gotten teary-eyed with and told that I was a Father's Day present. I was not.

Anywho, birthday's are good. But good fathers are better. Happy Father's Day to all the good ones. Like this one, the new father who I love more than [really embarrassing personal sop redacted]...

Happy at Sand Beach
Hey, look what just sprung from my loins!

Monday, June 11, 2007

Re: See ME, Tomorrow
Morrison Motel
Click the photo above for all the details on my performing at the last Morrison Motel of the season tomorrow eve. I'm not feeling well so there is a small chance I might not bringing the funny. What? Me not hilarious always? Well my throat is on fire. Maybe I'll sign the whole thing. Get Kambri to help me. We shall see. Great line-up though. Not to be missed.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Speeders' Excuses

I wrote and produced a short budget vid with a very talented editor, writer and online development dude. It's a comedy vid. It's all scripted, but it's to promote a pretty funny reality show that follows cops as they pull over real speeders.

Check it out right here. Along with the very funny Andres du Bouchet, my Hugo and my Stan also appear in thrilling, unpaid cameos. And it was shot in Weehawken, home of the stars. Big thanks to the Weehawken P.D. for making sure we filmers weren't up to no good and for giving us two great ideas gleaned from their real-life experience with real-life speeders.

speeders vid capture
Andres runs showbiz gauntlet: performs with children AND animals in one short vid.

Monday, June 04, 2007

I Love the 70's

Remember no seatbelts or child car seats? Biking without a helmet? Your parents smoking? Unironic, unapologetic wood panelling? Your grandmother reading Playboy?

SFX: record scratch

Grandma reading Playboy?!
Susie licked by shepherd
Yup, only after I uploaded this family photo-of-a-photo I took yesterday, did I notice that my dear Gran was enjoying a copy of Playboy in plain sight:


And I thought, wow, that's awesome!

Also, I thought it was cool that there is a history in my family of baptism by pooch:

"The son, the son! Tradition!"

NOTE: If you even know what a record scratch is, you're old. See ya at the Early Bird Special.