Fabulous new blog
Check out this fabulous new blog!
It's so hilarious, savvy and other good things.
And it's new!
Did I mention hilarious?
How about savvy?
OK then.
Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
PS Will blogger ever get the memo to include the word "blog" in their spell check? Or even, if only for self-serving marketing purposes, the word "blogger"? Just wondering.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
War, UH, what is it good for?
It's good for this:
PUPPY WAR!!!
But my Stan is not doing very well.
Could it be my Stan is not very cute? That he is, in fact, ugly?
Or is it that all other internet users are, in fact, blind?
The latter. For sure. Yep.
UPDATE: Sometimes I hate the web, especially when it points out how unoriginal I am. After posting this, I checked Technorati for stats on linkage to Puppy War and found this post with an eerily familiar title.
Great minds think alike? Small minds think alike? Place your bets.
It's good for this:
PUPPY WAR!!!
But my Stan is not doing very well.
Could it be my Stan is not very cute? That he is, in fact, ugly?
Or is it that all other internet users are, in fact, blind?
The latter. For sure. Yep.
UPDATE: Sometimes I hate the web, especially when it points out how unoriginal I am. After posting this, I checked Technorati for stats on linkage to Puppy War and found this post with an eerily familiar title.
Great minds think alike? Small minds think alike? Place your bets.
Monday, May 23, 2005
An Open Letter to Food & Wine Magazine
Dear Food & Wine Magazine,
Your recent article on kitchen garden goddess, Seen Lipart, disturbed me.
If she is a goddess, why would she need her "parterre shaped by laser"?
I would think that as a goddess, she could harness the power of Zeus. I mean, even a demigod should have the ability to trim hedges, no?
There were other things that seem to not jibe with her being a goddess:
She lives in Greenwich, Connecticut -- not on Mount Olympus!
Her vast powers seem to stem not from a divine birth, but from an advantageous 2nd marriage to a former president and CEO of a global commercial satellite company.
But then again, maybe she IS a goddess. Check this:
"Her vegetables were picked only an hour ago, a hundred yards from the table, but their journey began last winter, when Lippert combed through seed catalogs, tracking down heirloom varieties, like French Breakfast radishes, for her gardens."
Wow. She ordered seeds. From many different catalogs... Now I feel bad that I took her for a stinking filthy rich blonde second wife who had her 9 acre estate LANDSCAPED DESIGNED AND MAINTAINED WITH A FREAKIN' LASER.
But maybe I'm just not a fan of fawning profiles of goddesses. Maybe I'm crazy-ass jealous? Maybe I'm scared that when the revolution comes, they're going to take her type down first?
In any event, please cancel my subscription.
Oh, I don't have a subscription?
Then, I dunno... have a nice day!
Cheers,
Your Pal,
Susie!
PS I liked that the photo with your feature "Chefs Gone Wild" featured the hottest young chef's ass squarely in the middle of the photo.
Now Serving: Young Tender Chef Meat
But I felt bad for the other chef's who look miserable on their ATV's, because they weren't deemed hot enough to show off their rumps. Maybe next time you should have these chefs do an activity that involves some exercise? Or maybe tell the hot chef to tone it down a bit?
"Hey, Mr. thinks-he's-so-hot Chef -- if I wanted cheesecake, I woulda ordered it!"
"Save it for yer centerfold in Bon Appetit, sweet cheeks!"
Ka-ZING!
Dear Food & Wine Magazine,
Your recent article on kitchen garden goddess, Seen Lipart, disturbed me.
If she is a goddess, why would she need her "parterre shaped by laser"?
I would think that as a goddess, she could harness the power of Zeus. I mean, even a demigod should have the ability to trim hedges, no?
There were other things that seem to not jibe with her being a goddess:
She lives in Greenwich, Connecticut -- not on Mount Olympus!
Her vast powers seem to stem not from a divine birth, but from an advantageous 2nd marriage to a former president and CEO of a global commercial satellite company.
But then again, maybe she IS a goddess. Check this:
"Her vegetables were picked only an hour ago, a hundred yards from the table, but their journey began last winter, when Lippert combed through seed catalogs, tracking down heirloom varieties, like French Breakfast radishes, for her gardens."
Wow. She ordered seeds. From many different catalogs... Now I feel bad that I took her for a stinking filthy rich blonde second wife who had her 9 acre estate LANDSCAPED DESIGNED AND MAINTAINED WITH A FREAKIN' LASER.
But maybe I'm just not a fan of fawning profiles of goddesses. Maybe I'm crazy-ass jealous? Maybe I'm scared that when the revolution comes, they're going to take her type down first?
In any event, please cancel my subscription.
Oh, I don't have a subscription?
Then, I dunno... have a nice day!
Cheers,
Your Pal,
Susie!
PS I liked that the photo with your feature "Chefs Gone Wild" featured the hottest young chef's ass squarely in the middle of the photo.
Now Serving: Young Tender Chef Meat
But I felt bad for the other chef's who look miserable on their ATV's, because they weren't deemed hot enough to show off their rumps. Maybe next time you should have these chefs do an activity that involves some exercise? Or maybe tell the hot chef to tone it down a bit?
"Hey, Mr. thinks-he's-so-hot Chef -- if I wanted cheesecake, I woulda ordered it!"
"Save it for yer centerfold in Bon Appetit, sweet cheeks!"
Ka-ZING!
Thursday, May 19, 2005
ME, TONIGHT
So sorry I haven't had the chance to explain that pic of Paris Hilton's rump. Been busy. Tonight I'm doing comedy and doing good, all at once. Great line-up. Tix are only $15, $12 if you buy them online. Come on down if you can.
11th Charity Comedy Jam on Behalf of Art Start!
Thursday, May 19, 2005
8:00 - 10:00 pm
The Zipper Theater
336 West 37th Street between 8th & 9th Avenues
****Doors Open at 7:30pm****
The event will feature New York’s hottest comedians including:
Judy Gold: Gregarious host of HBO’s “At the Multiplex with Judy Gold” and a regular on Comedy Central’s “Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn” and “ Hollywood Squares.” Also hosted “100 Greatest Stand-ups of all time” on Comedy Central and often seen gabbing with the girls on “The View.”
Erin Foley: Featured comic on Comedy Central’s “Premium Blend” and appeared in the movie “Almost Famous.”
Rusty Ward: Seen on Comedy Central’s Premium Blend and currently getting ready for a second run of his highly lauded one-man show Brawl - a history of every fight he’s ever been in.
Leo Allen: Writer for "Saturday Night Live," and "Late Night with Conan O' Brien."
Susie Felber: Copy jockey for Court TV and contributor to US Weekly's Fashion Police. She has written and produced for ComedyCentral.com, Lifetime and ABC Development. Felber has also appeared on MTV2, Oxygen and multiples times on “Late Night with Conan O'Brien.”
Andres DuBouchet: Featured on “Late Night With Conan O'Brien" and "Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn."
***$3 Beer Specials Available All Evening***
Tickets are $12 in advance; $15 at the door, so buy yours NOW at http://www.acteva.com/go/oyfp
About Art Start
The purpose of Art Start is to value and nurture the voices of hearts and minds of under-served children and teenagers and help them transform their lives through the creative process. Art Start uses a multi-disciplined approach to arts education that is centered on the kids and their interests, and equips them with learning, creating and communicating skills. Art Start instills in our kids the confidence to pursue meaningful opportunities to share their ideas and dreams. Offered in a nurturing environment, Art Start’s programs challenge each child to develop his or her inner gifts and acquire tools to succeed in life. Go to www.art-start.org for more details.
About On Your Feet Project
On Your Feet Project (OYFP) is a national nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging people in community service and activism by educating them about diverse organizations and creating opportunities for direct community involvement. To learn more, go to www.oyfp.org.
So sorry I haven't had the chance to explain that pic of Paris Hilton's rump. Been busy. Tonight I'm doing comedy and doing good, all at once. Great line-up. Tix are only $15, $12 if you buy them online. Come on down if you can.
11th Charity Comedy Jam on Behalf of Art Start!
Thursday, May 19, 2005
8:00 - 10:00 pm
The Zipper Theater
336 West 37th Street between 8th & 9th Avenues
****Doors Open at 7:30pm****
The event will feature New York’s hottest comedians including:
Judy Gold: Gregarious host of HBO’s “At the Multiplex with Judy Gold” and a regular on Comedy Central’s “Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn” and “ Hollywood Squares.” Also hosted “100 Greatest Stand-ups of all time” on Comedy Central and often seen gabbing with the girls on “The View.”
Erin Foley: Featured comic on Comedy Central’s “Premium Blend” and appeared in the movie “Almost Famous.”
Rusty Ward: Seen on Comedy Central’s Premium Blend and currently getting ready for a second run of his highly lauded one-man show Brawl - a history of every fight he’s ever been in.
Leo Allen: Writer for "Saturday Night Live," and "Late Night with Conan O' Brien."
Susie Felber: Copy jockey for Court TV and contributor to US Weekly's Fashion Police. She has written and produced for ComedyCentral.com, Lifetime and ABC Development. Felber has also appeared on MTV2, Oxygen and multiples times on “Late Night with Conan O'Brien.”
Andres DuBouchet: Featured on “Late Night With Conan O'Brien" and "Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn."
***$3 Beer Specials Available All Evening***
Tickets are $12 in advance; $15 at the door, so buy yours NOW at http://www.acteva.com/go/oyfp
About Art Start
The purpose of Art Start is to value and nurture the voices of hearts and minds of under-served children and teenagers and help them transform their lives through the creative process. Art Start uses a multi-disciplined approach to arts education that is centered on the kids and their interests, and equips them with learning, creating and communicating skills. Art Start instills in our kids the confidence to pursue meaningful opportunities to share their ideas and dreams. Offered in a nurturing environment, Art Start’s programs challenge each child to develop his or her inner gifts and acquire tools to succeed in life. Go to www.art-start.org for more details.
About On Your Feet Project
On Your Feet Project (OYFP) is a national nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging people in community service and activism by educating them about diverse organizations and creating opportunities for direct community involvement. To learn more, go to www.oyfp.org.
Monday, May 16, 2005
I hate begonias
There. I said it.
Walking today on 39th street I saw a patch of begonias and thought, "I hate begonias."
To find a picture of a begonia I found the American begonia Society. Let's take a look at the aims and purposes of the American Begonia Society:
Aims and Purposes
To stimulate and promote interest in begonias and other shade-loving plants.
No. But I'll admit you almost got me with the enticing "other shade-loving plants" jazz.
To encourage the introduction and development of new types of these plants.
No. Although I'll admit I'm often impressed with the ability of begonias to look like they're fake, yet dying. Waxy leaves, pitiful little blooms -- I say to hell with 'em!
To standardize the nomenclature of begonias.
Go crazy, but I'll not have any part of it.
To gather and publish information in regard to kinds, propagation, and culture of begonias and companion plants.
Oh I get it, the first one is free, right? Well luckily begonias are too hideous to hook even the most far gone plant addict.
To issue a bulletin that will be mailed to all members of the society.
Whoa whoa whoa! Are you aware that'll set you back nearly 80 cents?!
To bring into friendly contact all who love and grow begonias.
Bad idea, ABS. Studies have shown that if people have friendly contact with other humans, they cease to love and grow begonias.
So in conclusion, screw begonias.
What the? What the hell is that?
Find out tomorrow...
Is that Paris Hilton's ass?
Not telling.
It is, I think that's Paris Hilton's ass!
Oh come on, don't give it away.
OK. I won't give away that that is most certainly Paris Hilton and her ass in House of Wax.
Thanks.
No problem. Just explain this tomorrow, K?
No doubt my imaginary muchacho!
You have imaginary friends... are you sure you don't like begonias?
What are you implying???
I was just... nevermind.
I mean, it is nice that they grow in the shade and... oh no! Am I a closeted begonia lover?
What? Sorry, wasn't listening. I'm distracted by Paris Hilton's bum.
OK then, find out tomorrow... when Stray Pride will have less ABS, and more PHB!
PHB?
Paris Hilton's Bum.
Oh, right. Fabu.
There. I said it.
Walking today on 39th street I saw a patch of begonias and thought, "I hate begonias."
To find a picture of a begonia I found the American begonia Society. Let's take a look at the aims and purposes of the American Begonia Society:
Aims and Purposes
To stimulate and promote interest in begonias and other shade-loving plants.
No. But I'll admit you almost got me with the enticing "other shade-loving plants" jazz.
To encourage the introduction and development of new types of these plants.
No. Although I'll admit I'm often impressed with the ability of begonias to look like they're fake, yet dying. Waxy leaves, pitiful little blooms -- I say to hell with 'em!
To standardize the nomenclature of begonias.
Go crazy, but I'll not have any part of it.
To gather and publish information in regard to kinds, propagation, and culture of begonias and companion plants.
Oh I get it, the first one is free, right? Well luckily begonias are too hideous to hook even the most far gone plant addict.
To issue a bulletin that will be mailed to all members of the society.
Whoa whoa whoa! Are you aware that'll set you back nearly 80 cents?!
To bring into friendly contact all who love and grow begonias.
Bad idea, ABS. Studies have shown that if people have friendly contact with other humans, they cease to love and grow begonias.
So in conclusion, screw begonias.
What the? What the hell is that?
Find out tomorrow...
Is that Paris Hilton's ass?
Not telling.
It is, I think that's Paris Hilton's ass!
Oh come on, don't give it away.
OK. I won't give away that that is most certainly Paris Hilton and her ass in House of Wax.
Thanks.
No problem. Just explain this tomorrow, K?
No doubt my imaginary muchacho!
You have imaginary friends... are you sure you don't like begonias?
What are you implying???
I was just... nevermind.
I mean, it is nice that they grow in the shade and... oh no! Am I a closeted begonia lover?
What? Sorry, wasn't listening. I'm distracted by Paris Hilton's bum.
OK then, find out tomorrow... when Stray Pride will have less ABS, and more PHB!
PHB?
Paris Hilton's Bum.
Oh, right. Fabu.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Extreme Makeover: Dog Edition
BEFORE
"Hi, I'm Stan. My turn ons are rolling in bear crap, rolling in deer crap, and rolling in bear crap. My turn offs are people who don't like me to roll in bear crap."
AFTER
"It's Stanley, dahling. And thank you, I love my new look. I feel like Mini-Me to a pit bull. But I'll tell you the cut is merciless dahling...it shows off every extra Snausage! Time to get back on the Science Diet, but my owner gives me liverwurst, sweetie, and try as I may (but I don't) I can not resist. Yes, my owner... she has a charming quality of insouciance, no? And by insouciance, I mean she should really dress a little bit less like Punky Brewster on a bender. I'm sorry dahling, but in this world we are judged by what is on the other side of the leash! If my owner is going to flounce around in Salvation Armani, Hilary Swank's dog will talk and we all know she can be a bee-yotch. And furthermore, woof. Woof to infinity dahling, and there's nothing higher than infinity. Not even infinity plus woof."
BEFORE
"Hi, I'm Stan. My turn ons are rolling in bear crap, rolling in deer crap, and rolling in bear crap. My turn offs are people who don't like me to roll in bear crap."
AFTER
"It's Stanley, dahling. And thank you, I love my new look. I feel like Mini-Me to a pit bull. But I'll tell you the cut is merciless dahling...it shows off every extra Snausage! Time to get back on the Science Diet, but my owner gives me liverwurst, sweetie, and try as I may (but I don't) I can not resist. Yes, my owner... she has a charming quality of insouciance, no? And by insouciance, I mean she should really dress a little bit less like Punky Brewster on a bender. I'm sorry dahling, but in this world we are judged by what is on the other side of the leash! If my owner is going to flounce around in Salvation Armani, Hilary Swank's dog will talk and we all know she can be a bee-yotch. And furthermore, woof. Woof to infinity dahling, and there's nothing higher than infinity. Not even infinity plus woof."
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
New Yorker Caption Contest Part Deux
Another week, another caption of mine that didn't make it to the semi finals...
"I really think this company is going places. Specifically, Brooklyn."
That was mine.
Go here and see the ones that made it.
Oh poo.
This is very bad for my ego. I've gone from having a super enormous giant teflon mega ego, to merely having a very large yet shapely ego.
ttfn,
Another week, another caption of mine that didn't make it to the semi finals...
"I really think this company is going places. Specifically, Brooklyn."
That was mine.
Go here and see the ones that made it.
Oh poo.
This is very bad for my ego. I've gone from having a super enormous giant teflon mega ego, to merely having a very large yet shapely ego.
ttfn,
Friday, May 06, 2005
Hawk it to me!
************TONIGHT!!!************
Felber's picture hint of the day: If you really want to look like
a hunchback, simply outstretch your arm and take a pic of yourself while
atop a tower.
I'm hosting this lovely little show in midtown:
No Relation Comedy
Tonight!
Friday, MAY 6 @ 8PM
Jack Demsey's
36 W. 33rd Street (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.)
MC Susie Felber plus Dave Konig, Jamie Roberts, Garry Leavy, Jane Campbell, Blaine, Christian Finnegan <-- from VH1’s BWE, Comedy Central Presents:Christian Finnegan & Chapelle’s Show!
Then, I am off to a party filled with celebrities.
Then tomorrow morn I am going upstate to buy shrubbery such as viburnum and then plant stuff and get covered in mud and go snooping for antiques with my mom and cook rustic cassoulet's and... hey, where are you going?
Next time I'll just stick to the part about the celebrities, eh?
************TONIGHT!!!************
Felber's picture hint of the day: If you really want to look like
a hunchback, simply outstretch your arm and take a pic of yourself while
atop a tower.
I'm hosting this lovely little show in midtown:
No Relation Comedy
Tonight!
Friday, MAY 6 @ 8PM
Jack Demsey's
36 W. 33rd Street (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.)
MC Susie Felber plus Dave Konig, Jamie Roberts, Garry Leavy, Jane Campbell, Blaine, Christian Finnegan <-- from VH1’s BWE, Comedy Central Presents:Christian Finnegan & Chapelle’s Show!
Then, I am off to a party filled with celebrities.
Then tomorrow morn I am going upstate to buy shrubbery such as viburnum and then plant stuff and get covered in mud and go snooping for antiques with my mom and cook rustic cassoulet's and... hey, where are you going?
Next time I'll just stick to the part about the celebrities, eh?
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Susie de Mayo
************TONIGHT!!!************
Can you believe I made this whimsical photo montage all by myself?
Come see me perform live tonight at a great downtown spot:
No Hitting Comedy Show - Cinco de Mayo!
8PM
Mickey's Blue Room
171 Ave C (bet. 10th & 11th)
Take the F to second ave
or the L to 1st
Only a measley 3 bucks!
Con los talentos de Pat Candaras, Bobby Tisdale, Susie Felber, Jack Kukoda, Nick Stevens, Y sus favoritos manejando todo esa mierda, Becky Donohue y Jeff Mac.
TOMORROW NIGHT
I'll be MC'ing at this lovely little show in midtown:
No Relation Comedy
Friday, MAY 6 @ 8PM
Jack Demsey's
36 W. 33rd Street (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.)
MC Susie Felber plus Dave Konig, Jamie Roberts, Garry Leavy, Jane Campbell, Blaine, Christian Finnegan <-- from VH1’s BWE, Comedy Central Presents:Christian Finnegan & Chapelle’s Show!
************TONIGHT!!!************
Can you believe I made this whimsical photo montage all by myself?
Come see me perform live tonight at a great downtown spot:
No Hitting Comedy Show - Cinco de Mayo!
8PM
Mickey's Blue Room
171 Ave C (bet. 10th & 11th)
Take the F to second ave
or the L to 1st
Only a measley 3 bucks!
Con los talentos de Pat Candaras, Bobby Tisdale, Susie Felber, Jack Kukoda, Nick Stevens, Y sus favoritos manejando todo esa mierda, Becky Donohue y Jeff Mac.
TOMORROW NIGHT
I'll be MC'ing at this lovely little show in midtown:
No Relation Comedy
Friday, MAY 6 @ 8PM
Jack Demsey's
36 W. 33rd Street (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.)
MC Susie Felber plus Dave Konig, Jamie Roberts, Garry Leavy, Jane Campbell, Blaine, Christian Finnegan <-- from VH1’s BWE, Comedy Central Presents:Christian Finnegan & Chapelle’s Show!
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Monday, May 02, 2005
New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest
I entered this two weeks running thanks to a heads up from a friend and fellow comedian.
This was the first week's cartoon.
I had two captions.
The one I sent in:
"I love science Jenkins, and love makes you do stupid, crazy things"
The one I almost sent in, but did not:
"I was tired of living a lie."
Today, they have the semi-finalists up from the first contest and you can vote for your favorite.
As you can see, I was not among the chosen people.
With all due respect, I think both of mine were 100% funnier.* Feel free to start a letter writing campaign on my behalf.
Or simply check back every week as this professional writer and comedian shares her losing entries with you. What better way is there to wile away the time than seeing her enormous ego being battered? I think the best part will be the progress of my downward spiral as I become disturbingly more bitter as a parade of lame captions are selected. Fun!
*To be honest, I think mine were funnier to infinity. And as we all know, there's nothing higher than infinity, not even infinity plus one.**
**I am aware that mathematicians might get all up in my jock about my take on this infinity business. Yet another reason I'm glad I don't have a comments section.***
***And anyway, I think marine biologists and physicists are way hotter than mathematicians. That's why you'll never see me getting all cocky about the burn point of whale blubber or waxing sarky about the whipping up of particles. Um... particle whipping. sexy.****
****To me, people, to me!*****
*****Drat it all! All the fantasizing in the world about hot physicists -- and I will need to fantasize because I could not find any pics of hot scientists -- will not dull the pain of losing the New Yorker caption contest. Oh the humanity!******
******Who's more bored with this post, you or me?*******
*******No idea. It's a lose/lose situation really.********
********I would buy an iPod today if iTunes had a recording of Irene Cara singing "Here's to the Losers" at The 58th Annual Academy Awards (1986). Just saying.
I entered this two weeks running thanks to a heads up from a friend and fellow comedian.
This was the first week's cartoon.
I had two captions.
The one I sent in:
"I love science Jenkins, and love makes you do stupid, crazy things"
The one I almost sent in, but did not:
"I was tired of living a lie."
Today, they have the semi-finalists up from the first contest and you can vote for your favorite.
As you can see, I was not among the chosen people.
With all due respect, I think both of mine were 100% funnier.* Feel free to start a letter writing campaign on my behalf.
Or simply check back every week as this professional writer and comedian shares her losing entries with you. What better way is there to wile away the time than seeing her enormous ego being battered? I think the best part will be the progress of my downward spiral as I become disturbingly more bitter as a parade of lame captions are selected. Fun!
*To be honest, I think mine were funnier to infinity. And as we all know, there's nothing higher than infinity, not even infinity plus one.**
**I am aware that mathematicians might get all up in my jock about my take on this infinity business. Yet another reason I'm glad I don't have a comments section.***
***And anyway, I think marine biologists and physicists are way hotter than mathematicians. That's why you'll never see me getting all cocky about the burn point of whale blubber or waxing sarky about the whipping up of particles. Um... particle whipping. sexy.****
****To me, people, to me!*****
*****Drat it all! All the fantasizing in the world about hot physicists -- and I will need to fantasize because I could not find any pics of hot scientists -- will not dull the pain of losing the New Yorker caption contest. Oh the humanity!******
******Who's more bored with this post, you or me?*******
*******No idea. It's a lose/lose situation really.********
********I would buy an iPod today if iTunes had a recording of Irene Cara singing "Here's to the Losers" at The 58th Annual Academy Awards (1986). Just saying.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Upcoming Gigs of Note
I perform well under pressure. Come bask in my glory.
I am a very talented comedian. I am also very talented at not letting people know where I will be performing. Here then, is a list of a few upcoming shows I will be doing that usually have great comedians, great causes or both. At some I will MC, at others I will merely be brilliantly funny. Hope to see you -- yes you -- there.
5/5 No Hitting Comedy Show
5/6 No Relation Comedy
5/19 Charity Comedy Jam
6/10 Sweet Paprika: Hot & Live Comedy
I perform well under pressure. Come bask in my glory.
I am a very talented comedian. I am also very talented at not letting people know where I will be performing. Here then, is a list of a few upcoming shows I will be doing that usually have great comedians, great causes or both. At some I will MC, at others I will merely be brilliantly funny. Hope to see you -- yes you -- there.
5/5 No Hitting Comedy Show
5/6 No Relation Comedy
5/19 Charity Comedy Jam
6/10 Sweet Paprika: Hot & Live Comedy
Thursday, April 28, 2005
True Romance
PS The bit of odd smudge on my boob stage left, is actually a fake tattoo that was distributed to promote my pal Wendy's fabulous book.
PS The bit of odd smudge on my boob stage left, is actually a fake tattoo that was distributed to promote my pal Wendy's fabulous book.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Giant Tuesday Plugs!
Check out a piece I dashed off in the name of love for Cupcakes Take the Cake!
Then, come see me do a small part tonight at:
GIANT TUESDAY NIGHT OF AMAZING INVENTIONS AND ALSO THERE IS A GAME!!!
Tonight at 8pm
Rififi
332 East 11th between 1 and 2
FREE
Tonight's GTN is jam-packed with great comics and special guest stars!
Francisco Guglioni a.k.a. Andres du Bouchet who was also interviewed in a fabulous Gothamist feature today welcomes:
Dan Allen
Ann Carr
Matt Goldich
Paul Sullivan
PLUS special guest stars:
Dan Cronin
Susie Felber
Jesse Joyce
Bryan Olsen
ALSO PLUS regulars Mark Douglas, Jonny Fido, Rob Gorden, and Michael
Reisman!
The World's Greatest Air Band!
The Tool Belt Comedy Tour!
The Men From Hefner Ten!
Walken Talk!
DAMN THIS SHOW IS PACKED!
Then, check out stuff I did for Belabumbum, the world's finest lingerie:
Amazingly, and for no reason, I've never plugged this handy gift guide I wrote on my blog, so expect a full-on post about it coming soon.
Then:
Just do whatever it is you normally do when not thinking about me.
Cheers dears!
me
Check out a piece I dashed off in the name of love for Cupcakes Take the Cake!
Then, come see me do a small part tonight at:
GIANT TUESDAY NIGHT OF AMAZING INVENTIONS AND ALSO THERE IS A GAME!!!
Tonight at 8pm
Rififi
332 East 11th between 1 and 2
FREE
Tonight's GTN is jam-packed with great comics and special guest stars!
Francisco Guglioni a.k.a. Andres du Bouchet who was also interviewed in a fabulous Gothamist feature today welcomes:
Dan Allen
Ann Carr
Matt Goldich
Paul Sullivan
PLUS special guest stars:
Dan Cronin
Susie Felber
Jesse Joyce
Bryan Olsen
ALSO PLUS regulars Mark Douglas, Jonny Fido, Rob Gorden, and Michael
Reisman!
The World's Greatest Air Band!
The Tool Belt Comedy Tour!
The Men From Hefner Ten!
Walken Talk!
DAMN THIS SHOW IS PACKED!
Then, check out stuff I did for Belabumbum, the world's finest lingerie:
Amazingly, and for no reason, I've never plugged this handy gift guide I wrote on my blog, so expect a full-on post about it coming soon.
Then:
Just do whatever it is you normally do when not thinking about me.
Cheers dears!
me
Monday, April 25, 2005
Tomorrow: Felber, LIVE
Late-breaking news!
Tomorrow you can see me play a small part in the absolutely amazing comedy revue:
Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions & Also There is a Game
Tomorrow, Tuesday @ 8PM
RIFIFI/CINEMA CLASSICS
332 EAST 11th STREET
(between 1st & 2nd Aves.)
FREE!
& also there is a bar right outside the theater
& also you can bring your drinks into the theater.
WOW!
Late-breaking news!
Tomorrow you can see me play a small part in the absolutely amazing comedy revue:
Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions & Also There is a Game
Tomorrow, Tuesday @ 8PM
RIFIFI/CINEMA CLASSICS
332 EAST 11th STREET
(between 1st & 2nd Aves.)
FREE!
& also there is a bar right outside the theater
& also you can bring your drinks into the theater.
WOW!
Friday, April 22, 2005
Stray Pride, explained
Ever wondered about the stupid title of this blog? I have. I have often wondered why it's so stupid. Extreme laze is the only thing that has kept me from changing it. But the title comes from a brilliant idiotic idea I had to take pictures of my mutt against a rainbow background and then market a line of Stray Pride products to encourage mutt adoption and to be sold in my West Village hood. Maybe not the best idea, but maybe not the worst.
The only thing that has prevented me from making and marketing these products is -- you guessed it -- extreme laze.
Here are two of the test photos we took last year. "We" being my best buddy Shana, who did the 'tographing. All I did was the concept, props and hair & makeup.* Enjoy and remember that you can say you knew me when, once my line of cunning Stray Pride Day products rocket me to fame and fortune.
*No, I didn't put makeup on my dog. That was a joke. I don't want to appear on an upcoming episode of Animal Cops for going all Mary Kay on my dog.
Ever wondered about the stupid title of this blog? I have. I have often wondered why it's so stupid. Extreme laze is the only thing that has kept me from changing it. But the title comes from a brilliant idiotic idea I had to take pictures of my mutt against a rainbow background and then market a line of Stray Pride products to encourage mutt adoption and to be sold in my West Village hood. Maybe not the best idea, but maybe not the worst.
The only thing that has prevented me from making and marketing these products is -- you guessed it -- extreme laze.
Here are two of the test photos we took last year. "We" being my best buddy Shana, who did the 'tographing. All I did was the concept, props and hair & makeup.* Enjoy and remember that you can say you knew me when, once my line of cunning Stray Pride Day products rocket me to fame and fortune.
*No, I didn't put makeup on my dog. That was a joke. I don't want to appear on an upcoming episode of Animal Cops for going all Mary Kay on my dog.
Who are you. Who who, who who?
FYI, I was out sick from work yesterday. And yesterday, I was tempted to write about the more fascinating details of my illness here. But then something quickly dawned on me, and no, it wasn't that my illness would be no treat for anyone to read about. I realized I've never written about my day job here. Not once.
Suddenly this fact began to loom larger than my piddly sickness. As far as my blog readers know, I make my money via magic beans and the occasional comedy road gig.
So I asked myself... why haven't I mentioned my work here? And before I answered that I realized for the first time that someone or more than someone from work has probably happened upon my blog through the magic of Google. I realized that upon happening upon my blog, someone from work would think, "Ah ha! I have found her super secret blog! Now I shall learn what she really thinks of us!" They might also think, "Stray Pride? Ah ha! She is gay, maybe? Oh wonderful, now I shall not only learn about what she thinks of us, I will get juicy lesbian dirt and forward it to everyone in the office!"
And then I felt bad for that hypothetical co-worker person, for they would most definitely leave this blog sorely disappointed.
So what do you do, Susie?
Right. OK, here's the deal... after freelancing for years and proudly scraping my bucks together as a writer and performer, for the past year I have been on staff at a basic cable network. A whole year! What do I do? I write stuff. I edit stuff. And sometimes, I do some other stuff.
That's all I'm prepared to say about my job and there are many reasons why. A very good reason is that even if I am telling you about good and wonderful things at the cable network that shall remain nameless, it doesn't feel right to talk about it. No one in my office thinks what they are doing is out there for public scrutiny, and so reporting on it seems wrong even if I'm just telling you that everyone at this network writes their name on their food in the office fridge, except me. My "Just 2 Good" blue cheese salad dressing has not been Sharpie'd with my mark and this, my devil may care office fridge attitude, gives me a thrill, makes me feel like I live on the edge.*
Plus, I simply don't want to be dooced. I think it's a credit to my incredibly large brain that I sensed it was quite possible that writing about work could get me dooced long before I had ever heard of the word dooced.
So, I hope you have enjoyed getting a (incredibly vague) description of what I do. I hope you are not disappointed that I won't be telling you anymore about it. I also hope that you are not disappointed to find there are no descriptions of hot lesbian sex here, my bizarre blog title notwithstanding. In any case, if you would like descriptions of hot sex, may I recommend you leave that in the capable hands of a professional? OK I will recommend that.
ttyl lovely blog readers,
Susie
* There, you've gotten one extremely juicy detail about my workplace... happy now?**
** I should note that everyone writes their names on their food even though no food has been poached, and futhermore, no one here seems to be the type to poach another person's food. But they write their names on stuff anyway as insurance against food being snarfed by a greedy co-worker who currently doesn't exist, but it seems like paltry insurance. If you are terrified of someone eating your food, why not do something to really ward them off like draw a skull and crossbones or tape a recent picture of David Gest to it? Just a thought.
FYI, I was out sick from work yesterday. And yesterday, I was tempted to write about the more fascinating details of my illness here. But then something quickly dawned on me, and no, it wasn't that my illness would be no treat for anyone to read about. I realized I've never written about my day job here. Not once.
Suddenly this fact began to loom larger than my piddly sickness. As far as my blog readers know, I make my money via magic beans and the occasional comedy road gig.
So I asked myself... why haven't I mentioned my work here? And before I answered that I realized for the first time that someone or more than someone from work has probably happened upon my blog through the magic of Google. I realized that upon happening upon my blog, someone from work would think, "Ah ha! I have found her super secret blog! Now I shall learn what she really thinks of us!" They might also think, "Stray Pride? Ah ha! She is gay, maybe? Oh wonderful, now I shall not only learn about what she thinks of us, I will get juicy lesbian dirt and forward it to everyone in the office!"
And then I felt bad for that hypothetical co-worker person, for they would most definitely leave this blog sorely disappointed.
So what do you do, Susie?
Right. OK, here's the deal... after freelancing for years and proudly scraping my bucks together as a writer and performer, for the past year I have been on staff at a basic cable network. A whole year! What do I do? I write stuff. I edit stuff. And sometimes, I do some other stuff.
That's all I'm prepared to say about my job and there are many reasons why. A very good reason is that even if I am telling you about good and wonderful things at the cable network that shall remain nameless, it doesn't feel right to talk about it. No one in my office thinks what they are doing is out there for public scrutiny, and so reporting on it seems wrong even if I'm just telling you that everyone at this network writes their name on their food in the office fridge, except me. My "Just 2 Good" blue cheese salad dressing has not been Sharpie'd with my mark and this, my devil may care office fridge attitude, gives me a thrill, makes me feel like I live on the edge.*
Plus, I simply don't want to be dooced. I think it's a credit to my incredibly large brain that I sensed it was quite possible that writing about work could get me dooced long before I had ever heard of the word dooced.
So, I hope you have enjoyed getting a (incredibly vague) description of what I do. I hope you are not disappointed that I won't be telling you anymore about it. I also hope that you are not disappointed to find there are no descriptions of hot lesbian sex here, my bizarre blog title notwithstanding. In any case, if you would like descriptions of hot sex, may I recommend you leave that in the capable hands of a professional? OK I will recommend that.
ttyl lovely blog readers,
Susie
* There, you've gotten one extremely juicy detail about my workplace... happy now?**
** I should note that everyone writes their names on their food even though no food has been poached, and futhermore, no one here seems to be the type to poach another person's food. But they write their names on stuff anyway as insurance against food being snarfed by a greedy co-worker who currently doesn't exist, but it seems like paltry insurance. If you are terrified of someone eating your food, why not do something to really ward them off like draw a skull and crossbones or tape a recent picture of David Gest to it? Just a thought.
Monday, April 18, 2005
"It's a million-to-one chance, but it just might work!"
Didja know my mom's a romance writer? For real. Her latest book, Alas My Love, came out April first. You can see it/buy it here or here or just saunter into any ol' bookstore. Actually, I just remembered that on this book, I got to help rewrite the copy on the back cover, reprinted here. But, don't judge a book by its back cover (even though that back cover copy really sings, no?)
If you want some background on my mom and her books, check out these FAQ I wrote eons ago, right here. Amazingly the FAQ have held up because amazingly, a) she's still my mom, and b) she's still a romance writer, and c) I'm that good y'all y'all. <--- yes, I wrote "y'all" twice for effect. Of course, the effect might be that I look like an uncool twerp. Same old, same old, right? Anywho...
I have a super secret confession.
Are you ready?
OK.
I entered mom to win Live with Regis and Kelly's 15th annual Mom's Dream Come True Contest.
I did a quick search and found two previous winners of what I like to call LWR&K'SMDCTC. One mom was surprised with the old contest game show standby wowie zowie prize: A NEW CAR! Another got to meet her idol, Dolly Parton.
Now, I'm all for cars and I'm all for Dolly, but my mom's dream is actually and truly related to their show.
You see, many times, my award-winning romance authoring momma has sighed and said, "If only Kelly would feature my book... maybe as a summer beach read..." Then she punctuates this sentence with another, slightly larger, sigh.
So when I found this contest, I wrote Regis and Kelly a heart-wrenching letter, sent in the required photo of us together and I have my fingers crossed.
But I'm not stupid. I know that chances are this will not happen. A million viewers are sending in their mom's dreams. I'll bet it's a scene like Miracle on 34th Street in their production offices right now. As they spill the bags of mail on Regis and Kelly's desk, they find they can't read the heart-wrenching requests fast enough: "My mom needs new teeth!", "My mom only dreams of having sushi with Peter Frampton!", and "Help my mom get her tattoo of having sushi with Peter Frampton removed!"
Now my mom's dream would cost them nothing and yet it would mean the world to her. And mainly, and hopefully, it would mean way more people would read what she writes day in and day out and then the day after that again. And that is what she truly wants.
So in conclusion...
I gave the letter my all. I submitted a rather cute picture of us. The dream is incredibly do-able, my aim is true and the cause (her books) is worthy.
But my mom actually winning this contest?
It's a one-in-a-million shot.
But as Terry Pratchett has pointed out many times, one-in-a-million chances work exactly 90% of the time...
Didja know my mom's a romance writer? For real. Her latest book, Alas My Love, came out April first. You can see it/buy it here or here or just saunter into any ol' bookstore. Actually, I just remembered that on this book, I got to help rewrite the copy on the back cover, reprinted here. But, don't judge a book by its back cover (even though that back cover copy really sings, no?)
If you want some background on my mom and her books, check out these FAQ I wrote eons ago, right here. Amazingly the FAQ have held up because amazingly, a) she's still my mom, and b) she's still a romance writer, and c) I'm that good y'all y'all. <--- yes, I wrote "y'all" twice for effect. Of course, the effect might be that I look like an uncool twerp. Same old, same old, right? Anywho...
I have a super secret confession.
Are you ready?
OK.
I entered mom to win Live with Regis and Kelly's 15th annual Mom's Dream Come True Contest.
I did a quick search and found two previous winners of what I like to call LWR&K'SMDCTC. One mom was surprised with the old contest game show standby wowie zowie prize: A NEW CAR! Another got to meet her idol, Dolly Parton.
Now, I'm all for cars and I'm all for Dolly, but my mom's dream is actually and truly related to their show.
You see, many times, my award-winning romance authoring momma has sighed and said, "If only Kelly would feature my book... maybe as a summer beach read..." Then she punctuates this sentence with another, slightly larger, sigh.
So when I found this contest, I wrote Regis and Kelly a heart-wrenching letter, sent in the required photo of us together and I have my fingers crossed.
But I'm not stupid. I know that chances are this will not happen. A million viewers are sending in their mom's dreams. I'll bet it's a scene like Miracle on 34th Street in their production offices right now. As they spill the bags of mail on Regis and Kelly's desk, they find they can't read the heart-wrenching requests fast enough: "My mom needs new teeth!", "My mom only dreams of having sushi with Peter Frampton!", and "Help my mom get her tattoo of having sushi with Peter Frampton removed!"
Now my mom's dream would cost them nothing and yet it would mean the world to her. And mainly, and hopefully, it would mean way more people would read what she writes day in and day out and then the day after that again. And that is what she truly wants.
So in conclusion...
I gave the letter my all. I submitted a rather cute picture of us. The dream is incredibly do-able, my aim is true and the cause (her books) is worthy.
But my mom actually winning this contest?
It's a one-in-a-million shot.
But as Terry Pratchett has pointed out many times, one-in-a-million chances work exactly 90% of the time...
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Utah
I'm just back from skiing in Utah.
(insert snort of derision here)
I learned a few things about Utah.
I share them with you here.
1. Never order anything described as "Thai" at a ski lodge.
I guess that seems obvious now but remember that the altitude can do funny things to a gal. Especially when the gal has downhilled it all day and downed her weight in sake all night. Then a spicy Thai wrap suddenly looks really appealing. But then you wake up in the morning next to a plate of iceberg lettuce, carrots and cardboard. The worst part: you paid 10 bucks for it.
2. You maybe tempted to buy a "Snowboarding is not a Crime" T-shirt.
I was tempted to buy a "Snowboarding is not a Crime" T-shirt for my mom. I thought that would be hee-larious. But unfortunately, the shirt didn't come with a Salvation Army donation form, so I passed.
3. Skiing through snowy cliffy sunny Utah scenery is so impossibly beautiful that afterwards real life will seem like a eternal let down.
'Nuff said.
I'm just back from skiing in Utah.
(insert snort of derision here)
I learned a few things about Utah.
I share them with you here.
1. Never order anything described as "Thai" at a ski lodge.
I guess that seems obvious now but remember that the altitude can do funny things to a gal. Especially when the gal has downhilled it all day and downed her weight in sake all night. Then a spicy Thai wrap suddenly looks really appealing. But then you wake up in the morning next to a plate of iceberg lettuce, carrots and cardboard. The worst part: you paid 10 bucks for it.
2. You maybe tempted to buy a "Snowboarding is not a Crime" T-shirt.
I was tempted to buy a "Snowboarding is not a Crime" T-shirt for my mom. I thought that would be hee-larious. But unfortunately, the shirt didn't come with a Salvation Army donation form, so I passed.
3. Skiing through snowy cliffy sunny Utah scenery is so impossibly beautiful that afterwards real life will seem like a eternal let down.
'Nuff said.
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