I'm just putting up my produced plays since this ancient blog still exists, might as well put them here. This one from 2024.
Bidding War by Susie Felber
Directed by Michael Schriralli
Written for the 24 Hour Plays Hoboken
Performed April 7, 2024 at the Mile Square Theatre in Hoboken, NJ
Article about the first-ever 24 Hour Plays in NJ here on newjerseystage.com. Note: The earthquake struck April 5, 2024. The play was written overnight on April 6 and performed the next day.
JAY is played by JASON YANTO
NADIA is played by STEPHANIE KURTZUBA
CLAIRE is played by DANIELIA COTTON
BEN is played by ROSS COWAN
Bidding War
By Susie Felber
Stage black. Jay enters from the audience yelling/freaking out... running
down the stairs.
Jay
AHHHHHHHH!!!!
We see Claire pause and stop — just about to enter from the side doorway onstage
Claire
No! It can’t be...
Jay
AHHHHHH LOVE IT!
Nadia follows from the back of the theater...
Nadia
I knew you would, Jay!
Jay
Nadia you are the realtor of my dreams! Oh! Does the living room convert into a pickleball court!?
Nadia
Yes! New law in Hoboken — all rooms must double as pickleball court — or
dog run.
Jay
(takes out phone)
I’m going on Petfinder right now to get a dog!
Nadia
(to Claire)
Sorry Miss....?
Claire
Claire!
Nadia
Yes Claire you have been outbid on this luxury condo. Bye bye!
Jay
Ooooh! “Sparky” is a Jack Russell mix only 1.5 miles from Hoboken...
Claire
Outbid? What? He just got here.
Nadia
He’s clearly about to bid. I am realtor. Long time. I can smell bids.
Claire
(completely falling apart, crying in anguish)
No!! No no noooo!! I love this condo! Nooooo!
Jay
(rolling on the carpet and/or getting up to lovingly touch the contents of the
room, he’s super chirpy)
You know what I love about this place?
Nadia
My little commission flower...tell me.
Jay
It’s new. So new! You don’t need to worry about other people’s disgusting
germs or think about decay and death. NEW.
(Ben enters wearing a robe from the side door quite fast)
Ben
What the hell is going on here?
Nadia
(to Ben)
They about to have bidding war.
Claire
Vano è l'amorese non c'è fortuna! Love is in vain if luck isn't there!
I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!
(Claire produces a wooden sword from her coat/pants/wherever. And starts
to get a crazed look to go after Jay. Jay is frightened and freezes. Nadia
produces a sword and throws it to Jay. They start to circle each other and
maybe jab.)
Ben
Hang on! There’s got to be a mistake. My name’s Ben. And If I look
familiar...
Claire
(still focused on Jay but glances to Ben)
You do look very familiar...
Ben
— well I’m a finance bro, but you may know my work — I often appear on
the “Are We Dating the Same Guy Jersey City/Hoboken” Facebook group.
Claire
You’re — the ghost king!
Ben
Currently “dating” 43 women, yep!
Jay
I love your work. It’s an honor to meet you.
Ben
Well anyway I bought this place. Bought it back when it was — just an
empty lot. Before it went up.
Nadia
When was that?
Ben
Yesterday!
Jay
They go up so fast! There’s no problematic or creepy history! I loooooove it!
Everyone freezes and shakes/grabs onto furniture but Ben loses his
balance and falls flat.
Nadia
That is the Ramapo fault simulator.
Ben
Yeah — that was a big draw for me. I was driving in Weehawken on
Friday... thought it was just potholes... totally missed the earthquake.
Claire
So you bought this condo.
Ben
Yes... I bought this condo — apartment 2D in the —
Claire & Jay
HOBOKEN GRAND LUXURY TEA BAGGING COVE LOFTS
Ben & Claire & Jay
(together reciting the marketing materials as if in a trance maybe all with
similar/mirror hand motions)
COME EXPERIENCE LIFE ON THE HUDSON AS YOU HAVE NEVER
DONE BEFORE.
HOBOKEN GRAND LUXURY TEA BAGGING COVE LOFTS! TOTALLY
NOT LIKE ALL THOSE OTHER BORING-ASS BUILDINGS THAT IT
LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE. BECAUSE NEW! NEW! NEW!
Nadia
(to audience)
Personally, not for me. I call them “sky coffins” — but “luxury condos”
seems to sell better.
Ben
Yes. And I am not. moving. out. I already have my two curling irons and my
disco mushroom here.
Claire
Oh yeah? Well the ghost king may become a real ghost real fast...
Ben has the curling irons on him or nearby to grab. A wonderful absurd
fight scene of three people ensues, maybe in slow motion? Between Ben
with his curling irons, Claire, and Jay. At some point the disco mushroom is
picked up and used as a weapon. Weapons fall and get recovered... Pick is
Nessun Dorma from Pucchini.... Nadia is bored, just looking at her nails and clipboard
while they fight. But then they all suddenly freeze and shake but more than before.
Jay
The Ramapo fault simulator!
Nadia
That no simulator! That real Ramapo fault!
All
EARTHQUAKE!
(Ben tumbles forward and stabs Nadia, accidentally, Nadia goes into a wild
big comedic death spiral holding the sword to wherever she is stabbed.
When she does, the others stop fighting, to watch. She dies. They all stare
at her lifeless body)
Claire
You know. This is a big place.
Jay
And NEW...
Ben
Roommates?
Claire
Jay, you go pick up Sparky...
Jay
Yas! BRB. Start pickleball without me!
(They high five/whatever)
(Lights out)
FIN
Tech notes from Susie:
Props: Disco mushroom, the two curling irons, the two wooden swords, one of the
fancier robes for a man (long maybe red velvet or the blue one?), cellphone (the
actors?), clipboard or folder with papers for the realtor to consult. For Nadia: black
leather mid length coat with black fur collar and cuffs. Maybe the Red Perry Ferrel
Hat for Nadia too? And the Leopard slippers for Ben if not too small for him.
Lights/Sounds:
Sound: Music for slow motion fight scene - I would LOVE Nessun Dorma – Puccini
I went to the opera alone this week... saw it live at the Met and that aria is quite
meaningful to me now!
Lights: Simple lights up/down and some sort of shift / effects for big fight scene.
Then dramatic for end scene.
Note for director: Nadia has a Russian accent.
If the line in Italian is too hard, just cut the Italian and use the English.
