Monday, March 01, 2004


Hot off Janet Jackson's fan-tacky-stic waving boobie and recent scathing tabloid features focused on pointing out Anna Nicole-like racks, Hollywood decided to bare all -- their shoulders.

To wit:

Liv Tyler and many of those blonde actresses I can't tell apart were in tops that looked like racer-back Speedo swimsuits. High to the neck but with no arms and ample full frontal shoulder.

Annie Lennox wore a white peek-a-boo shoulder #.

Susan Sarandon's shoulders begged for attention as she had one strap up and the other devil-may-care down. As it was never adjusted I was left to believe this was intentional. She is beautiful but her dress made her look drunk.

To prove how risque shoulders have become, one need only look at nominee Keisha Castle-Hughes, aged 13, whose white gauze type thing was worn only to cover her shoulders.

Even Nicole Kidman did not have cleavage in a strapless #. Yes her gown jutted out brazenly as if supported by flying buttresses, but while they were obviously invited to the dress, her boobs were not in attendance.

Best (and only) Boobs

This was a tie.

1. A Queen Latifah-esque pair worn by Marcia Gay Harden. But Marica had the excuse of being so extremely pregnant I was worried her possible stunt would've trumped that of Blake Edwards.

2. Billy Crystal's (shiver!)

Added bonus Oscar fashion award from me!

Worst Dress

This was also a two-way tie.

1. UMA in her enormous but starchy white layers with yodeller trim totally Swiss Missed the mark.

2. OPRAH actually wore a gown with a huge bow on her butt. She looked like a bridesmaid on that episode of A Different World where Whitley, a.k.a. Jasmine Guy, gets married. With her huge 80's bustle, baby got back... to the future!