I've Been Remiss

This is not about my lack of posting lately, toots.

I never promised you an update garden.

No, I've been remiss for not recommending to my loyal no readers, the site of a brilliant, nice, almost annoyingly well-rounded comedian.

Laurie Kilmartin shares her poolspertise, her historic headshots and her weekly trials and successes. And unlike you and me, pussy blog people, she's been doing it since most people thought broadband was an engagement ring for fat chicks.

Note to self: make appointment to get analogies brought in for servicing.

Laurie is a working comedian and has it together. Speaking of rare, she's currently writing for TV and how the screw rare is a woman comedy writer? Quite rare. Every comedy show I know of in NY has a none to one rule. OK, of course it's not a rule. There are lots of reasons for the lack of women. The reasons won't be gone into here and before you peg me as a bitter psycho feminist (I am only one or two of those things) the reasons don't necessarily reflect badly on the shows. It just is.

Back to Laurie.

She's done lots of TV, but she's not household-name famous. Still, more than most anyone, she's someone I look up to. She's got the talent, but she also consistently works dang hard. She gots the looks, but she also works out darn hard. I hope someday she sneezes on me so I can catch some more of that action.

Check her out.

The Fault, Dear Brutus, Is HERS

As you didn't know, I got another astrology gig. This one is for a fabulous glossy called Women Who Rock Magazine.

My first column is coming to a newsstand near you, March 11th.

They asked for "edgy", they got "edgy."

But here's the cool part... when they got it, they didn't puss out and ask me to tone it down.

Score!

Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble, Borders, Tower, Target, Virgin, WalMart, etc.. Etc. includes where I found it, at that coffee chicken wrap dessert place with the amorous foreign cashier on 8th ave. between 57th and 58th.

You'll find the magazine has quality content, you'll support the Felber, and most importantly you'll find out if Saturn's orbit has totally screwed you.

I Da Jury

I knew it. As of tomorrow I'm on the jury. Oi squared, baby.

No! I can not talk about the case (I think?)! Don't push me to! It would be wrong! So no, I can't reveal the nitty gritty detai...

Huh? What? You don't care? But you know nothing about it! Sure this case is not likely to make the papers. Well by "not likely", I mean it won't but it's an interesting civil case at least from the point of view of...

Huh? Where ya going? Hey! Come back! THERE'S AN AMUSING ANECDOTE ABOUT THE WWII NURSE WHO'S ON THE JURY!

Rats.

Whateve. I have my nights and it's not a criminal trial so it should be quick and all I need is someone to walk my pooch.

Any takers? Seriously, my Stan is a babe magnet.

With Stan on your lead, and spring on the wing, you're sure to pick up more than poo. Seriously my Stan is...

Huh? Where ya going? Hey! Come back! I HAVE A CUTE DOG ANECDOTE ABOUT UH,

Oh, ferget it.


PS This blog template is hideous. It must be stopped. Give me a decade or two and I'll have this fixed up pretty.

Reporting for Jury Duty, Tomorrow 8:30am...
Five reasons I think I will be picked to serve:

My KKK outfit is at the cleaners.

Medical exemption doesn't cover "a case of the frizzies."

Lacking pesky Secret Service detail.

"Primary caregiver" excuse probably won't fly when applied to orchid.

I smell great.

Felber's Frolics
Every Saturday @ 10:30 PM
Ye Old Tripple Inn
West 54th Street Between Broadway & 8th Ave.
NY, NY
212-245-9849
FREE, no minimum

Here's the line up for tonight in no order:

Ben Morrison: Boston Baked, also preparing for some Caroline's thingamajig
Jane Campell: lovely, talented, bonded & insured
Becky Donahue: From Comedy Central, B3 & co-founder, editor, Girlcomic.net
Bob Powers: Also writes for NY Press. Feel the burn, don't forget to breathe.
Bryan Tucker: Comedy Central & current writer for Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. Former writer MadTV, Chris Rock show.
Chris Regan: Writer, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Props to Comedian Larry Miller
or
No One Other Than Me Will Give a Crap About This.

Thanks to the Ali G lead in, I caught Larry on a re-run of the new Bill Maher thingamahoobie last night.

Maher's new HBO show is called Real Time. "Real Time" is a good name and an even better idea than their working title, "Politically Incorrect with Cursing Allowed also Attempts to be The Daily Show with a reconditioned Dennis Miller Live Set." Whatever. It's brand new. Shouldn't and can't judge yet.

There was a panel of three guests plus Bill. Politically Incorrect had four guests plus Bill.

This stands to reason as back when Maher created PI, he was a comedian and host, not a political pundit.

[insert 1 pissed cat noise here]

As I was not saying and to make a short story not long...

Larry impressed me. When he could get a word in edgewise, he was intelligent, strong, yet never resorted to cheap attention getting tactics. If aliens dropped in from another planet (a planet that also liked to watch premium cable channels after a few glasses of wine) and you asked them who the comedian on that panel was, betcha Larry would be their last choice. And aliens have superior intelligence, as we all know, so go know.

For Miller was neither loud nor zany. When he was giving his views on Iraq, I turned to my man and said, "That's really brave for a guy in Hollywood." I've noticed people in entertainment are either dead against any action towards Iraq or they are dead silent for fear they will be labelled Bush-lovers (me?), war-mongers (what?!) and the like. Sure enough, a few minutes later Miller made a joke saying something to the effect of, "I'd say more, but the people speaking out against the war are making the movies I want to be in."

If you don't know Larry, you know Larry but you just don't know it. He's been in and voiced a bazillion different things. Had he a website, I'd link to it, but I couldn't find one. But thanks to searching around today, I found he also writes really interesting articles for The Standard.

I know, "interesting" is such a flaccid word. Do I agree with him? Totally disagree with him? Neither one?

Well this ain't a political blog. In a pathetic little venue like this here thingamayab, I just can't get it up to spew my opinions on any one of the world's manifold horrors. There are so many people dying to tell you what they believe on their blogs and I delight in the fact that they do.

I'm not one of them. OK? Can we still be friends?

But check this: share a glass of grog with me and maybe a plate of wings. Then if you're very unlucky, between bawdy banter I'll bore your socks off with what I think.

No this is about the fact that I've always respected Larry as a comedian -- especially as a comedian who turned his talent into a diverse and long-lived career. Right on. And so herein are my props to Larry Miller for taking chances and showing off more of them there fancy multi-facets.

Hey, I warned ya you wouldn't be interested.

My Mom

Her latest book came out yesterday. If you don't buy one, I'll hold my breath until I turn blue. Or not, depending on which annoys you more.

But seriously my mom's a really fabulous writer of amazing historical romances and I'm not just saying that because I still feel guilty for giving her a varicose vein or two. Oh yeah, haven't you heard? Both my older brothers left her veins pristine. But me? I'm the one who made them go all kablooey. Or Ka-blue-y as the case may be... as the case is... anywho...

Here are some FAQ about my mother's novels:

1. Are they dirty?

Do you find love dirty?

2. No, you know, are they dirty?

No! They are well-written, literate -- they aren't "inch by inch" novels.

3. Yeah right.

Hey, that's not even a question!

4. Whatever. Your mommy writes smut.

Shut up! Her books are not smut! Not smutty at all! Hey, have you ever actually read a romance novel?

5. What? Like a Harlequin?

My mom doesn't write Harlequins. Hers are different, but fine, yes. Like a Harlequin? Ever read one?

6. Excuse me while I get a smirky and sniffy look on my face?

If you must.

7. Me? Read a Romance novel?

Yeah, you.

8. No way! I read real literature! I read what the NY Times tells me to! Or I read historical adventures that are really thinly-veiled romances but they're marketed to men so my intelligence doesn't feel threatened!

Your intelligence?

9. Actually so my penis doesn't feel threatened.

I thought so.

10. Did you know I usually buy books just to look cool reading them?

You mean just to have them displayed on your coffee table, right?

11. Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

12. Listen, to be honest I fear that if I'm caught reading a romance, my manhood might shrivel up and fall off...

Actually, if you read her, you might learn something in that area.

13. Ah HA! So she DOES write dirty books! I knew it!!!

sigh.

Lazy Blogger Technique #27: The Link

Brody Stevens

Fabulous comedian, friend (at least last time he was on the right coast), and a guy who has been close enough to smell many of my fave baseball players. Instead of smelling them, he entertains them, gives them friendship... or so he says.

I think Brody is also doing warm-up for Jimmy Kimmel Live, these days. If I'm wrong about this Brody, return the unused portion of this blog for a full refund.

Something about the layout of Brody's site makes him look like a total lunatic.

He's not.

He's a stark raving lunatic.

Ah but he's the taste sensation sweeping the nation.

And he's a nice boy. So go. Just the pictures alone are worth the price of admission.

Correction: I learned Brody is mostly doing warm-up for a sports show on FOX, but sometimes pinch hits for Kimmel. Actually, not a correction, as no misinformation was conveyed in the first. But Sweet Juno! Imagine if I got this warm-up comic info wrong! We'd all be goners!

Stray Pride!

My Stan has just won a national photo contest from a left coast outfit called Dog Remedy. Even more impressive than the photo is the way he set up the tripod and got the exposure just right. Still, some of the credit must go to my mother, who told Stan numerous times, "No, bad dog! Put down the 400 asa!"

So check it out. Supposedly 150 bucks of dog goodies are on the way. Boxes of kibble? Mink dog coat? Or just a pair of Marc Jacobs shoes for me so I look good enough to walk such a glam dog?* Stay tuned for all the late-breaking developments!

*Actually, the Marc Jacobs shoes I have coveted cost as much as a computer. But I would never look a gift dog box in the mouth. Probably because it doesn't have one.

My Ed (yes I own him) is an ed. for a major newspaper. He is not in showbiz. He does not crave the spotlight.
Thank Thor for that.

Ah but here... here he is starring in his very first feature film. Go and crank up the volume. This secret link was written and brought to you by Bob and the letter M.*

*Actually the letter M had nothing to do with it, but is always trying to take credit for stuff it hasn't even come to rehersals for.**

**Wha?

It's Fashion Week in New York City!

But with the current threat level upped, it's kind of scary.
I mean, does this terror alert go with my eyes?

Ba dum BUM!
I'm a riot.
Back to work.

*Interesting how the fashion people chose the same pre-fab blog template as me, i'nit?
This means that I am either a very cutting edge fashionista
or
they also know jack about designing pages.

Amazingly Compact Reviews
if you find a shorter review anywhere, return the unused portion for a full refund.

GOOD

Rufus Sewell

George Elliot's Middlemarch

Spooning

BAD

Too much street salt and dog's paws.

Not returning Middlemarch to library on time.

Kevin Costner*

*It must be noted I disliked Costner way before Waterworld, The Postman and even pre-Madonna's classic retching gesture.

Last Comic Standing -- update-a-roo!

Hope yet...found out Eddie Pepitone, my pal and boy comedy genius, was selected as one of the final 10 from NYC. Now he and 9 others face off against the 10 west coasters to see who's LCS.

And ah... no other news, really. Going in a mo to do a quick spot at the Duplex. Venerable mainly gay bar down the street, but everyone is made welcome there, even Stan. Love the crowd (when there is one) and Poppi Kramer, your host and bartender, works her magic and overcomes the early hour of 7PM to make it a good time Wednesday show. 2 for 1 drinks don't hurt either...

What I'm saying is they help... but you, gentle blog reader, knew that, didn't ya? Ya.

Monologue Challenge.

My way of forcing myself to write topical material, the likes of which you'd find an audience yelping and yipping for on a late night show, but groaning at in any other medium. Note the outrageous barbs of hilarity and multiple cheap punch lines on a topic.* :

Critics of Britain’s Prime Minister Tony Blair are calling him "America's Poodle." He got this name of course, because of his support for President Bush. But his ability to balance a ball on his nose didn't’ hurt.

Critics of Britain’s Prime Minister Tony Blair are calling him "America's Poodle." Poodle breeders are angered by this stereotype. One said, « Not all poodles promise to devote military resources to a unpopular and sketchy war. If brought up properly, the poodle will heed UN recommendations. »

The World Health Organization has warned that terrorist groups could try to contaminate food supplies. The idea of tampering with food on American soil came recently when terrorists saw it would be more cost effective than their previous method, namely, giving Americans free trips to Mexico.

Study released this week said about 1.5 million people die each year due to diarrhea-related illnesses caught from eating contaminated food. Yeah, true. Taco Bell could not be reached for comment.

The World Health Organization has warned that terrorist groups could try to contaminate food supplies. Steps are being taken to guard against truly dangerous foodstuff. One official said, « What we fear is the formula for McDonald’s Extra Value Meal to falling into the wrong hands. »

Actor Peter O’Toole is rejecting an honorary Oscar. Yeah, Peter has never won an Oscar despite seven nominations but he said he’s « still in the game and might win the lovely bugger outright". Academy Awards ceremony producer Gil Cates was quoted as saying it’s « awfully silly » of Peter not to accept the award. The honorary Oscar used to go by another, longer name. It was called « The-best-actor-most-likely-to-die-this-year-and-make-us-feel-guilty-we-didn’t-give-him-one-before » award.

This year we celebrate the Year of the Goat. With this gentle Sign guiding most of our 2003, the Chinese say we can expect a time of harmony, tranquility and understanding. The Goat encourages us to be more easygoing and and for the next year, we'll pledge to live our lives in a quiet, peaceful manner. To this President Bush responded, « Yeah, right! »

Thousands of Mexican farmers are protesting saying the North American Free Trade Agreement or (Nafta) has led to a flood of cheaper imports from the United States and Canada. The farmers have already warned that unless their demands are met, they will step up their actions by blocking ports and border crossings with the US. This would be dire news for the US and Canada. One US farmer said, « If I can’t get a fresh supply of Mexican labor, I’ll never be able to compete with Mexico. »

Thousands of Mexican farmers are protesting saying the North American Free Trade Agreement or (Nafta) has led to a flood of cheaper imports from the United States and Canada. The farmers have already warned that unless their demands are met, they will step up their actions by blocking ports and border crossings with the US. The INS and US border patrol agents, currently strapped because of budget cuts said, « OH NO! Please don’t block the borders so that no one can get through! »

*Please don't be afraid... I mercifully only did 3 of these last night, during monologue challenge. Also, the whole Mexican bashing theme is just a co-inky-dink. I heart Mexicans. Seriously, if you're Mexican my door is always open. Mexicans and I have a symbiotic relationship much like the shark and the remora fish. I am really pushing this too far, no? Yes.

Last night's Gershwin Hotel show was hopping... my octopus material, hatched over Korean BBQ went swimmingly. I would venture to say no comedian has ever done such brilliant octopus material after Korean BBQ -- ever. Man I adore Korean food. The kim chee brings me back to happy childhood memories of eating the insanely spicy pickled cabagge at my best friend Yuh Suhn's house. But wow, Korean joints have cornered the market on condiments of excitement! Plus, how can you not love asking about what a sidedish is and getting the response, "Like a snail."

I said, "Like a snail?"

The waiter said, "Yeah. Like a snail. But not snail. Like a snail. Seafood... Like a snail."

I ended up not trying the like a snail and I almost regret it.

But tonight is no time for lingering in the past over Korean-meals-gone-by! No! Tonight is the big shoe...

Felber's Frolics
Every Saturday @ 10:30 PM
Ye Old Tripple Inn
West 54th Street Between Broadway & 8th Ave.
NY, NY
212-245-9849
FREE, no minimum

Here's the line up:

The music of Bob Powers
The slapstick of Debbie Shea
Andre DuBouchet and his magic lantern show
Ben Morrison and his trained satin dancing birds
and...
as always, a performer who is new to me. Ye Old Tripple virgin: William Lewis Wexler.

with the wonderful sidekickery of my more talented brother, Adam Felber. And the hilarity and drama of Monologue Challenge.

Join us, wont you?

Felber Tonight! Catch me at:

"Hump Night"
11PM
Chelsea Playhouse
125 W22nd street
FREE

This is a fantastic stand-up show hosted by Sean Conroy and Eddie Pepitone. Formerlly at UCB theater, now at their temporary digs down the street. Here's a review of Hump Night on Citysearch.

Yesterday the New York Times had an article about the Upright Citizen's Brigade Theater.

The article was about the fantastic work that has happened there and the sad story of losing their permanent home.

Glad they got the press, wish for their speedy success in finding a new home, but I can't help but be peeved once again that the Times doesn't cover comedy. They almost don't have a right to talk about the great shows that have been there, because they'd never review them. Bah. Feh. And in conclusion, Harumph.

Even More Shameless Self Promo!

Felber's Frolics
Every Saturday @ 10:30 PM
Ye Old Tripple Inn
West 54th Street Between Broadway & 8th Ave.
NY, NY
212-245-9849
FREE, no minimum

Tonight Felber's Frolics welcomes yet another cavalcade of ever-changing always impressive comedians:

Jane Campell
Rob Paravonian
Ritch Duncan
Andrew Donnelly
Clara Bijl

Plus will also feature Magic Star Ramon!
Actually, his levitating cigarette trick is awesome.

also also wik: the thrills of Monologue Challenge!

The above comedians credits are quite impressive and include:
National TV, College and club circuit, writing for Colin Quinn's "Tough Crowd", contributing jokes for Kilborn and SNL, running a hot show in NYC, co-founding Jest magazine, appearing on a zillion commercials and being French.

Check what flavorpill said about us:

What happens when you take a historic Irish Bar, add some of New York City's best comics, and throw in a host who's the love child of Bette Midler, Janis Joplin and Lenny Bruce? Well, of course, it's Felber's Frolics. The weekly comedy cavalcade is back with all the inappropriate jokes, bawdy musical nuggets, and, once again, the all star line-up. Susie Felber, with the help of her brother Adam (comedian, screenwriter and NPR personality), bring their one-of-a-kind style to the local bar which has witnessed many a star be born over the years. So come down for the cheap drinks, killer chicken fingers, and rowdy local hecklers for a night that comes straight out of a B movie.

Below, you'll find my rant about Last Comic Standing auditions. After sleeping on it, and hearing the horror stories of others, I see my lot wasn't that bad. I didn't have my camera smashed, I didn't have to wait in the cold, I didn't end up having a nervous b on stage and I didn't have to endure any barbs of hilarity from the guys auditioning me.

So what of those guys? I've since put myself in the shoes of The Tonight Show dudes, and found I felt quite sorry for them. What a special kind of torture it must have been for them. To be forced to sit through thousands of comics and even more "comics" must have been draining and dull and depressing.

Still, I would do their job in a minute for little more than a turkey burger with a side of mash.

Last Comic Standing
or
Susie Will Sit This One Out

I just auditioned for a Jay Mohr NBC show-to-be called "Last Comic Standing." It's set to be a reality show and competition that Mohr is hosting and producing. Comics live in a house in Las Vegas as they perform and get tossed off. By audience vote? Panel? No clue.

Cattle call was two days ago, booked auditions today. Reality shows frighten me to no end. They seem they are a great way to become a national joke and perhaps because maybe they help writers like me starve (still, I could stand to lose a few...). But I do have friends who have been employed as producers with reality shows. I have watched and even enjoyed them. So though I don't want to be in one, I'm not someone who thinks they're the work of the devil or even something to sneer at.

In all, fame for fame's sake is not important to me. If it was, there's lots of things I would do for my career other than self-sabotage. But I digress. I got the op to audition and decided to go because:

1. Convinced they would never ever pick me. I don't fit into the kooky standard categories. e.g. 12 white guys, 3 black guys, 5 hot chicks, 1 older/fat crazy chick and someone apt to get naked in the house...

2. I hoped someone new from NBC would see me. The few who do know me at NBC here like me (say you do!) I think, but LA doesn't know me from Adam. Actually, they probably don't know Adam either.

So I asked and found out beforehand someone new will be there. The two dudes who cast The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Now that didn't fill my panties with egg whites, but yeah, I did think that was pretty cool.

The Audition, She Is Near
Just got done with the audition ... in short...
Many lovely and accomplished comics there I knew, a few I didn't. A comedian I knew said he was very excited to make the "semi-finals" so I guess that was what they were calling today. Today was the booked auditions plus the few they carried over from the cattle call.

Before the audition backstage, a camera was stuck in my face, but I didn't mind because the cameraman was quite sweet, interestingly handsome and wearing a Yankee cap. Cam man looked a bit like a younger Father Ted and was with a nice chick who was something important. I knew she was important, because she had a clipboard. Anywho, he and the chick asked me questions. At this, I was hilarious. I wasn't trying, but I was totally calm and even enjoyed it.

Oh I was cracking them up. Yeah, I was a STAR! Well, the jokes were cheap. Judge for yourself. Only remember a few...

Camera dude: Do you want to live in a house with a bunch of comics?
Me: I'm not convinced I do actually... suppose it depends on what snack foods will be provided."

Clip Chick: Some people say women aren't funny, what do you say?
Me: I say tell me who they are and I'll mess them up bad.

Camera dude: How do you feel doing this audition?
Me: It beats hooking. No, kidding. Doesn't beat hooking at all. Hooking pays.

You get the gist...

The Audition Cometh!
Almost immediately I'm onstage. Two Tonight Show dudes up front in light, sitting at an elevated desk. Then in the dark, I use my bat sense and detect a zillion people milling around or sitting in the club. The Comedy Garden is large. Empty of most chairs and tables it was like a hip cavern. Holy crap-ola, thinks I! How many people are working on this show? There were about 7 upfront plus all them network children of the night in the club.

How'd You Do Already, Susie?
I was not horrible, but not very good. I'm pretty honest about that stuff. Like I didn't do wonderfully at CCL last Thursday, but I killed at the Charity Jam on Saturday. See? I can say both about myself.

A joke or two made them laugh, but the general impression I gave was someone who was nervous.

Damn. All I wanted was a fabulous impression on The LA peeps and I don't think that happened. After two jokes, I saw the guys at the table make a check mark on the paper. One looked back to someone for a nanosecond and then gave the "we're politely listening but let's hope she ends it" face. OK, Maybe I'm imagining that, but I don't think so. I wrapped it up quick, but know, we were asked to do 2-3 minutes of stand-up. That's it. No More. NEXT!

I got off the stage and cute camera dude asks me, "So was it fun?." I can't remember for the life of me if he was holding the camera when he did, though I hope he wasn't. I smiled and said, "If your definition of fun is a living nightmare, than yes. Yes, I had fun. Thanks."

In Conclusion
I blame no one but myself. But I have almost always done poorly doing comedy without an audience.

I can perform for 3 people, I can perform for 300. And I have. I love the rowdy crowds and I love the quiet "convince me" crowds. I hardly ever get nervous doing comedy. But I do lack the ability to get it up comedywise, to slay people who are not there to see a show. There, that IS my biggest fault. You know my weak spot, now you may fire at the little vent and blow up my comedy Death Star. But please don't

Still, I think auditioning, doing comedy without an audience, is torture. It's like making love to the dead. You might be able to get off if you can ignore the cold flesh and work really hard, but it's definitely nasty.

My, Is That Your Bitterness Showing?
OK, meant what I said in defense of reality shows.

Then again, anything and everything that was filmed there today on stage and backstage can be used in perpituity throught the universe without paying me or any other comic one red cent. Get it? NBC can use our embarrassing moments in every promo, during the show and the people on Alpha Centuri may watch our auditions and air it again and again and we get no dosh. Silly me didn't realize that before agreeing to the audition. Ah the humanity!

Years ago, please forgive me if I get this wrong as I can't find where I first read it, a comic whose name escapes me threw himself off a club's roof in LA and dies. A note attached to him says, "I played the Improv." Jay Leno then led a protest because the comedy clubs weren't paying comics. Or perhaps the protest came first? But still, WOW. Comics stuck up for themselves and there was a change.

Flash ahead to today. Comics who appear on TV and get paid to headline out of town or who write for major TV comedies can't get booked into the clubs unless they do a "bringer show." A bringer show is where a comic must bring paying audience members, or else. Or else they don't go up. Hence, the quality at the clubs, other than the headliners is often crap. No working self-respecting comic does "bringers." Or once in a blue moon they do, but for a tape.

And so the new talent rarely mixes with the old, unless they do Luna Lounge or the well known have a very bold spirit to branch out. The older stand-ups, most of them, have no idea about the healthy comedy scene that thrives here in NYC outside the clubs. Seeing the movie "Comedian" I thought, Orny Adams? This is who Seinfeld was exposed to? This is who is warming up for him? Oi.

There is an amazing, talented, huge, tight knit group of comedians right now. They know what good comedy is. They know why they are doing it. They are artists (no snickering). They are below the radar. Sometimes, but not often they get press. But since most newspapers regard stand-up and comedy in general is if it smell's like old 80's fish, it ain't often.

Open the weekend section of The New York Times. Dance! Opera! Jazz! Classical! Heck, right now if you dance around in your apartment long enough, they'll review you. But comedy? No sir.

(Don't get me started on papers that have an article where the journalist goes to try out stand-up at an open mic. The Times did one with a grotesque picture. Basically these articles come out all the time. All the boys who are too pussy to perform without ironic distance, do it. Then the article admits they weren't brilliant, but talks about how horrible all the acts were. I said don't get me started...)

Sadly, The New York Times doesn't carry the comics, either kind.

Well, there's one exception... the Times will review comedy films. so there's dance reviews up the wazoo next to long tracts about fare like "Snow Dogs" and "Kangaroo Jack." Double oi.

So from the days of a bold Leno sticking up for comedian's rights to now: most young working comics have given up on the clubs, make their way in obscurity and once in awhile do an audition that might exploit them just to say, "We are here!"

It reminds me of "Horton Hears a Who." Maybe if we comedians could be pursuaded by or heard by someone powerful... If we collectively make as much noise as possible we will prove our existence. I'm holding out for a Horton till the morning light.

*Fun fact about Jay Mohr! Years ago he venutred forth and played the Ye Olde Tripple Inn back when it was a really rough open mic. Forget Jerry McGuire, he had me at "Tripple Inn."

Decorate a Canadian dude's Apartment with Your Propaganda!

Go ahead, you won't regret it.