Go make your own funky-ass ransom note here.

MY PLUGS

Below, you'll find a sampling of some of my upcoming shows, handpicked for freshness.

Tuesday, July 19th

See NYC Bloggers Camp It Up

WYSIWYG Talent Show
7:30 p.m.
Performance Space 122
150 1st Ave. at East 9th St.
Tickets: $7
Call the box office at 212-477-5288
or click here to buy online right now.

The WYSIWYG Talent Show, the first-ever all-blogger series of readings and performances, brings you a celebration of mosquito bites, bunk beds, toasted marshmallows, and makeout sessions behind the dining hall with Greetings from Lake WYSIWYG: Summer Camp Stories

WYSIWYG performers for July include:
* Susie Felber (http://felberfrolics.blogspot.com) <-- c'est moi
* Claudia Cogan (http://getthefoutofhere.blogspot.com/)
* Jim Barrett (http://www.jimbo.info/weblog)
* Sarah Weinman (http://www.sarahweinman.com/)
* Jonny Goldstein (http://www.jonnygoldstein.com/)
* Jess Hulett (http://www.blindcavefish.com/)

WYSIWYG is always a hoot. Looking forward to telling my tale. No spoilers here. Get your tix early and come on down.

Wednesday, August 3rd

Keith is fabulousness incarnate

Starlight Revue
Starlight Bar and Lounge
167 Ave A (Btwn 10th and 11th Sts.)
@10:30 PM (seating at 10pm)
Free Cover/ 1 drink min

Keith Price hosts this well-loved, well-attended comedy show. I'm thrilled to be a part of the fabulosity.

Wednesday, August 17th

GIRLS VS. BOYS: BATTLE OF THE INDIE POP BANDS

I'm back to host the 2nd Girls v. Boys musical cage match. Love it because I get to hear music, sweet music. Also, the bartender at Sin-e was awesome to me. Maybe a little too awesome... but still, come on down if you want to rock out with your thingy out. I said thingy. I'm x-treme like that.

Sin-e
150 Attorney St. b/w Houston & Stanton
New York, NY
8PM

Girls vs. Boys is a battle of the sexes via indie punk-pop-rock music. Two female-fronted bands vs. two male-fronted bands. The battle is judged American Idol-style by local celebrity judges.

The Girls Team -- THE MARIANNE PILLSBURYS & THE DOMESTICS -- won the very first battle on June 15th and will return for the re-match against a new Boys Team -- THE OGGS & THE DOPES!

Who will be victorious this time? Come find out on August 17th @Sin-e!

Our hilarious MC for the evening:
SUSIE FELBER -- Copy jockey for Court TV and contributor to US Weekly's Fashion Police, Felber has written and produced for Comedy Central, Lifetime and ABC Development and also appeared on MTV2, Oxygen and Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

Our special VIP judges:
•Singer-songwriter-bassist ALYSON PALMER of the band BETTY and the hit off-Broadway show BETTY RULES -- www.hellobetty.com
•Promoter KERRI BLACK who has worked with bands like The Strokes, Wheatus, The Rosenbergs and Longwave -- www.kerriblackpromotions.com
•Mystery guest Judge Edelweiss
•Another very special male judge TBA

Generous sponsors:
NEW YORK GUITAR & BASS BOUTIQUE -- Guitar set-ups for the winning bands
K.E. HAAS SALON -- Rock star haircut for the Band Most in Need of a Makeover

Now, as an extra special bonus, right here I was going to give you a recent picture of my friend Josh holding the Aflac duck, but the image was too large. Probably for the best. I did not get his permission and as far as I know the duck never signed a release.

Developing...

On a tip from my pal Media Yenta comes this late-breaking television news:

In Development at GSN: GSN, the network for games, is developing seven series for a potential launch in 2006. In addition to a remake of I've Got a Secret, projects include Annie Duke Takes on the World (a hybrid poker series), Phil Hellmuth Poker (amateurs are taught the skills of poker), 24 Hours in Vegas (players work as a carvalet, bell hop or dancer to earn money to play casino games), Chokers (a documentary series), Your Worst Nightmare (three friends are put in a scary situation hoping to escape and win a prize), and Wet, where contestants battle other players and dolphins in the water.

Casino show, casino show, casino show, fighting in the water with dolphins, casino sh-


I'm gonna knock you out...








Battling in the water with dolphins?!



Mamma said

knock you out!




I think I need to sit down. They can't be serious. Or are they?

I'd like to think they have an evil marketing genius at the network who will win the award for Best and First Press Release Specifically Crafted to go Viral.

Scroll down 3 days for a few of my upcoming shows...or I'll sic the dolphin on ya.



Word.

Males 18-49 eat this stuff up ...

I saw a print ad today for a new show on the Outdoor Channel called Ultimate Match Fishing

The ad described the show as
FISHING'S NEWEST REALITY COMPETITION SHOW

I'm glad they put the word "reality" in there.

The last thing we need is yet another fishing competition-based drama.

SFX: rim shot

But seriously folks...

While looking for info on this show I found myself on the Outdoor Channel's website and was surprised to see they had devoted an entire section to "Prospecting." When I clicked on the tab, I saw they currently have five shows devoted to prospecting. For reals. Click here for an action-packed still from Prospecting America if you don't believe me.

At first I thought, "Didn't prospecting jump the shark in like, 1864?"

But then I realized, prospecting shows are actually an ingenious way to snag that coveted bearded 'n crazy demo. So I say, way to go Outdoor Channel.

"There's gold in them thar old people!"




<-- Unfortunately, I couldn't find a picture of a crazy bearded prospector, so this pic of a typical baby boomer will have to do.











Now, see below for info on my upcoming live and in person type shows...

BREAKING!

Women AREN'T funny. Here's scientific proof.

But everyone knows I'm hilarious.

Let the rumors begin.

And scroll down for my upcoming shows...

Upcoming gigs of note

Ya know, my rump will be seen at many a show this summer, but here are a few worth getting off your keister for. Yeah, I said, "keister." I dare to go there. Now I dare you to come here and there...

Thursday, July 15th
Free Comedy @ R Bar
Williamsburg/Greenpoint
451 Meeker Ave.
at Graham Ave.
718-486-6116

The lovely and insanely talented Brian Finklestein (The Moth, UCB, Chicago City Limits) hosts this laid back show that flies under the radar. But it's a favorite with nabes and comedians flock to it like flies to stuff flies like.

Saturday, July 16th

Chicks with Schticks

"NICE JEWISH GIRLS GONE BAD" on Tour!
Back in the Catskills
Doors @ 8pm, Show @ 9pm
Backstage Studio Productions, Inc.
323 Wall Street
Kingston, NY
845-338-8700

On beyond my outrageous barbs of hilarity, you'll also get singing and even me dancing at this long-running variety/comedy show hosted by S. Perlman. Plus as an extra special bonus, my pal Ophira is doing it too.

Tuesday, July 19th

See NYC Bloggers Camp It Up

WYSIWYG Talent Show
7:30 p.m.
Performance Space 122
150 1st Ave. at East 9th St.
Tickets: $7
Call the box office at 212-477-5288
or click here to buy online.

The WYSIWYG Talent Show, the first-ever all-blogger series of readings and performances, brings you a celebration of mosquito bites, bunk beds, toasted marshmallows, and makeout sessions behind the dining hall with Greetings from Lake WYSIWYG: Summer Camp Stories

WYSIWYG performers for July include:
* Susie Felber (http://felberfrolics.blogspot.com) <-- c'est moi
* Claudia Cogan (http://getthefoutofhere.blogspot.com/)
* Jim Barrett (http://www.jimbo.info/weblog)
* Sarah Weinman (http://www.sarahweinman.com/)
* Jonny Goldstein (http://www.jonnygoldstein.com/)
* Jess Hulett (http://www.blindcavefish.com/)

WYSIWYG is always a hoot. Looking forward to telling my tale. No spoilers here. Get your tix early and come on down.

Wednesday, August 3rd

Keith is fabulousness incarnate

Starlight Revue
Starlight Bar and Lounge
167 Ave A (Btwn 10th and 11th Sts.)
@10:30 PM (seating at 10pm)
Free Cover/ 1 drink min

Keith Price hosts this well-loved, well-attended comedy show. I'm thrilled to be a part of the fabulosity.

WOW! You read down this far!

That's awsome. You deserve a prize.

I wish I had some Lucky Charms to give you. The new magic cloud reveal marshmallows are awesome. But in lieu of magic cereal (that might not be so lucky after all -- yikes!) or temporary tattoos, enjoy this:


"This is my prize? A pic of your dog fighting?"

They are not fighting! They are playing! Yes!

Enjoy your prize.

Batman, Schmatman

Give me,

ADULT BLACK-CROWNED NIGHT HERON MAN!

This bird rocks my world

He lives in Manhattan, he comes out at dusk. He's got a stocky build and he's up to 28 inches tall. He could so totally kick a bat's ass. And if a bat can fight crime, this heron can too.*

Da da da da da da da da Adult Black-Crowned Night Heron Man!

*Yeah, I'm aware Batman is actually not a bat, but a man who has a thing for dressing like a bat. Now all I need to do is find a rich eccentric do gooder who likes to dress as an adult black-crowned night heron.**

**Yeah, I'm aware Batman doesn't really exist. But this bird does. Go here at dusk and maybe you'll see him too.

Tonight I saw
a poem-like thingy
by Susie

Tonight I saw

an adult black-crowned night heron

on 2nd ave. between 12th and 13th street

a stone's throw from the hospital for joint diseases

which sounds like a good disease to have

since you don't have to suffer it alone.

But seriously folks,

I didn't know it was

an adult black-crowned night heron.

But I called my mom

immediately

who got out her bird nerd books

immediately

and she,

didn't know what the fuck it was either

and then

other people on 2nd avenue

started noticing this enormous bird

because a even more enormous bird

(me)

was on the cell phone staring and yapping about it

to her mom.

I descibed how enormous it was.

I said the bill and head were black --

no, maybe slate?

And the breast is white.

And not the whole head, but like it was wearing a yarlmuke

I described the bird as a

duck/eagle/seabird

like thing.

But it's not an egret.

Right?

"It's sitting on a park bench! It doesn't have a band!"

But wait, the bird had a bizarre trait.

I said.

It has a thin white ponytail.

Hearing this description, a dude watching and listening to my cell phone call said,

"Tell her it looks like a piece of speaker wire

and tell her its the biggest boid I eva seen in Manhattan!"

But mom didn't know what.

Not even with her Peterson guide.

Not even with the bird two feet away from me.

Not even with my perfectly confounding description.

Suddenly the bird craned its neck up

(was it a crane?)

revealing an even more enormous bird.

Long story short.

Mom gave me a # --

A hotline for bird nerds to call.

A prerecorded message about all sorts of exotic bird sghtings.

Followed by another # to call.

A bird nerd picked up immediately.

At 8pm.

After a short description

that included this bird's "speaker wire" ponytail

he said,

"An adult black-crowned night heron."

he knew

and I knew he knew.

Even before I googled

black crowned night heron

hours later.

Wow.

Love, Rita

Below, the sweet comment Rita Rudner sent me through her publicist re: Ye Olde Tripple Inn closing.

"Ye Olde Tripple Inn was across the street from "Annie," which I was performing in when I decided to try stand up. It was dirty but convenient. I remember a dartboard, Christmas decorations in July and cowboy hats. It was the only place where people were friendly to me and I remember it with immense fondness. I'm sorry to hear it's closing. Throw a dart for me (not at me).

Love, Rita."

When read aloud at last Tuesday's show, it got a big and genuine "awwww" from the audience.

OK, all this Tripple talk feels like reruns, rehashing and reheating olde times.

Now I've got to get on with soaking up some sunlight.

I'm in the Catskills. Already today I've been to the dump, the liquor store and I've turned the compost pile. You haven't lived until you add 40 pounds of cow shit to your compost on a warm summer's day.

Now, there's a fly on my laptop screen. It landed here about a second after I typed the words "cow shit." I kid ye not.

It's still there. It's standing on the top of the blogger window. It's looking at what I'm typing.

And yeah, I'm a little insecure that this might be boring. It just flew away. Yes, this post was too dull for a fly.

FYI The wygelia bush you see at the top of this post is about three weeks old. It is no longer in bloom. It ended last week. I repeat, the wygelia is no longer in bloom. Yup, I needs me a digital camera.

Elegy for Ye Olde Tripple Inn

Followers of my blog know Ye Olde Tripple Inn is being sold to make way for luxury condos.

The following was written for and performed on 6/28/05
at my last-ever Tripple Inn comedy show.
by the immensley talented (and widely-published)
M. Sweeney Lawless.


28 June 2005
Elegy for “Felber’s Frolics” and Ye Olde Tripple Inn
263 West 54th Street New York, New York 10014

by M. Sweeney Lawless

Come, o yellow backhoe
Dig deep the gully along which shall run
The bathwater of bankers
And what becomes of a three-star Michelin dinner.
Here were a thousand comics launched.
(Long live Ye Olde Tripple Inn)

Paxton’s Crystal Palace, Ebbets Field,Live on in endless tribute.
But what will become of the hallowed memory of the place
Where once Liza Minelli and the Beatles and Freddie Prinze
All came – not at the same time, of course – and the drink prices were not unreasonable?
(Long live Ye Olde Tripple Inn)

Arise, o infants of professionals, and howl
Vomit and get out of school
The reek of flop sweat gives way to waft of microwave pizza.
The rows of celebrity photos rolled over by Sherman Williams;
I only hope the construction crews are union.
(Long live Ye Olde Tripple Inn)

Seek, o denizens of New Jersey and Long Island!
Seek, ye folk of Queens, Brooklyn, and the Bronx!
Wander up and down, swear it was here that time you came to the City with your cousin.
Curse the Google search that told you we would still be here.
Damn the Internet, where advice never dies.
(Long live Ye Olde Tripple Inn)

Yankees games on the big screen will give way
To the Yankees games on roughly 40 big screens -- flat screens with High Definition.
But when the men in pinstripes ever score a run,
There will be no back-slapping or clinking of glasses;
Nay, 20 women and 20 men will raise a Lite beer and nod, each in their own blue light.
(Long live Ye Olde Tripple Inn)

Let us all meet here in one year’s time to see the empty lot.
In two years’ time we’ll come to watch the flick, flick, flick of all those TV sets.
Ten years from tonight, let us meet outside the condo at midnight, and before the doorman calls the police who used to come here to throw darts,
We will bow our heads and observe a moment of silence
Marred only by the thought of 40 pairs of Yuppies quietly humping.
(Ye Olde Tripple Inn is dead. Long live Ye Olde Tripple Inn)

Link to her original posting of this here.

Note: M. or Meg, performed at my 2nd-ever show at the Tripple, in January of 1997. The more I read this elegy, the more I love it.

Last Night's Last Comedy Show at Ye Olde Tripple Inn

Too much to tell. And I'm too tired to tell the least of it.

But it was wonderful. Over the next few days I'll be posting Tripple memories from more fabulous comics and good friends. Here now, for those that missed it, is the brilliant eulogy written and peformed by my immensely talented friend, Bryan Tucker. <-- Yeah, that bio there, while impressive, is horribly outta date.

Tripple Eulogy
By Bryan Tucker

Ye Olde Tripple Inn, which was a staple of the lower to mid-level New York comedy scene for almost two decades, will die soon. It was almost 40 years old and lived in Manhattan.
Ye Olde Tripple Inn is survived by its nerdy brother Ye Olde Sprint PCS Store and its whorish sister Ye Olde Poontanegery.

The Tripple was born in the mid-sixties when a run down sports bar mated with a public urinal. In the 70’s, the lively tavern was conveniently located across the street from the famous Studio 54, so that people who had spent most of the night on a coke-fueled three way in a VIP room with Grace Jones and Truman Capote could end their evening eating lukewarm potato wedges served by a 50 year old Long Island woman in a tank top.

Soon, the Tripple became known as a performance space that was ideally suited for comedy. With its rowdy unforgiving crowd, three blaring TV’s and a dartboard frequented by bitter impulsive drunks just inches away from the stage, there was no better place for a theater of the mind.

The Tripple Inn gave many great comics some of their first stage time including Lewis Black, Rita Rudner and Jim Gaffigan. But it also gave many terrible comics their first stage time too. Not just amateurish. Bad. Comics that would be upstaged by Terry Schiavo. Comics who prove over and over that Einstein’s theory of Relativity was true because they could stretch ten minutes into an unbearable eternity. And to these comics I say, wait your turn. Susie will put you up very soon.

Over its long life, the Tripple had its share of great moments when stars like The Beatles and Liza Minelli graced its door. But it also had its share of lows. In 1995 the Tripple caught a bad case of Promoflobia – a condition where it would routinely break out in hundreds of cheap cardboard promotional signs from beer companies. In addition to the hideous appearance, this tragic disease would also give the Tripple delusions, like making it believe it was St. Patrick’s day in July.

But the Tripple was not always so shabby. There was a time when it was fresh, pristine and new. A time where it was warm and inviting. Unfortunately, that time has faded from memory long ago, so that now you can’t even picture it as anything but ancient and ravaged. Perhaps a more concise analogy would be: Think of the Tripple as you would Elizabeth Taylor’s pussy.

Despite it’s appearance, the Tripple has a special kind of magic for all of us. It’s the only bar in Manhattan where I left without my pants. It’s also the only place I’ve ever hit on a dude. Those are just a few of the sweet memories that all of us have, and we wouldn’t want to get booed off stage anywhere else. Tripple Inn, Godspeed.

ME, TONIGHT

BIG SUPERSTAR SHOW!



The Tripple will be closing forever, very soon. This is where I ran Felber's Frolics for over 6 years during which time Kid Rock performed, Larry David came with HBO to do a spot before chickening out and where many comedy greats got their start -- and got heckled into next week. All the details below if you can't read the pretty flyer above.

Update! I did NOT make Gawker's "to do" list! Awesome!!!

FINAL BLOW OUT SUPERSTAR COMEDY SHOW/PARTY -- ONE NIGHT ONLY!
Tuesday, June 28th
Felber's Frolics Ye Olde Tripple Inn263 W 54th St. between Broadway & 8th Ave.
(closer to 8th)
8pm - FREE, no minimum
Subway: 1,9 to 50th, E to 7th Ave (53rd), C to 50th


Felber’s Frolics is back (after a 2 year hiatus) for one final comedy show at Ye Old Tripple Inn. The joint has been sold to make way for condos.

Check out this nice tribute on Eric Drysdale’s site (He’s a pal and writer for The Daily Show) and below with the show info quotes from other comics. The news of the Tripple's demise came very recently, and the comics wanted a send off. There will be over 40 comics in attendance, with big impressive credits that’d make any comedy nerd drool. If you're a comic, come, especially if you have experience falling on the Tripple's comedy sword -- I'll try and put up as many people as possible.

--> I got awesome stories from comedy peeps who will not be in attendance like Rita Rudner, Adam Spiegelman and Jay Mohr about their Ye Olde experiences at Ye Olde Tripple. Will be reading these and more at the show.

--> Check out this week's Time Out NY -- you'll see Jane Borden gave us a sweet write up on the show.

"So many comics that are now ripping it up as writers, performers, TV personalities, got their start at this little hole-in-the wall bar where Susie Felber hosted her Felber's Frolics show for over 6 years. It was one of my favorites in the city, the site of so many crazy, outrageous, and lamentable comedy moments that I will never forget no matter how much therapy I undergo. The owners are selling the space, but Susie is hosting one final show, so come on by."

- Liam McEneaney from VH1's Best Week Ever, Comedy Central's Premium Blend, etc.

"Farewell to Ye Olde Tripple Inn!!For those of you who remember Felber's Frolics at Ye Olde Tripple Inn, you remember the magic of Susie Felber improvising songs while her brother Adam played keyboards, drunks heckling comics, comics heckling drunks, bagpipers sitting in with the band, Kid Rock, comics soaring on the energy of the crowd while other comics crashed and burned into a sad and unrecognizable heap. Well, for one last night it's BACK!! Ye Olde Tripple Inn is closing and Susie is reviving Felber's Frolics for one last blowout of a show! You won't want to miss this. You may as well call in sick on Wednesday the 29th because this is going to be the bash of all bashes!"

- Rob Paravonian from Comedy Central, VH1 and The Dr. Demento Radio Show


Here are some of the comics that will be performing, in no particular order...and in no decent format:

Eric Drysdale -- Premium Blend, Emmy-winning writer for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Christian Finnegan -- Comedy Central Presents, VH1's Best Week Ever
Victor Varnado -- Movies: End of Days, Pluto Nash, Julien Donkey-Boy, A Guy Thing. TV: Comedy Central's Premium Blend
Liam McEneaney –- VH1’s Best Week Ever, Comedy Central’s Premium Blend
Chris Regan -- Emmy-winning writer for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Comedy Central’s Premium Blend
Bryan Tucker -- Writer Chappelle's show, Chris rock show, Tough Crowd, plus Comedy Central Presents
Rob Paravonian: Comedy Central, VH1, radio everywhere
Alison Costillo: Comedy Central, MTV
Opheria Eisenberg: Comedy Central
Josh Comers: Laugh Riots finalist, award winning copywritin’ for the man!
Becky Donahue: Comedy Central’s Premium Blend
Jon Corbett: Comedy Central Premium Blend
Andy Blitz: Late Night w/ Conan O’Brien
Ritch Duncan: Writer Tough Crowd, Former Editor Jest Magazine
Debbie Shea: Comedy Central
M. Sweeney Lawless: As seen in films, stage and a real book -- Mirth of a Nation
Brian Finklestein: Chicago City Limits, R-Bar
Dave Juskow: A&E, write r and star of Willy Wonka Musical
Rena Zager: everywhere. Her seagull joke is gold.

And so many many more guest super stars and some good surprises.

ME, Tuesday June 28th

BIG SUPERSTAR SHOW!


The Tripple will be closing forever, very soon. This is where I ran a show for over 6 years, and where many comedy greats got their start -- and got heckled into next week. All the details of the show are below, but here's what's new:

--> I got awesome stories from comedy peeps who will not be in attendance like Rita Rudner, Adam Spiegelman and Jay Mohr about their Ye Olde experiences at Ye Olde Tripple. Will be reading these and more at the show.

--> Check out this week's Time Out NY -- you'll see Jane Borden gave us a sweet write up on the show.

Now see below for all the info. It's going to be awesome.

Felber’s Frolics is back (after a 2 year hiatus) for one final comedy show at Ye Old Tripple Inn. The joint has been sold to make way for condos.

Check out this nice tribute on Eric Drysdale’s site (He’s a pal and writer for The Daily Show) and below with the show info quotes from other comics. The news of the Tripple's demise came very recently, and the comics wanted a send off. There will be over 40 comics in attendance, with big impressive credits that’d make any comedy nerd drool. If you're a comic, come, especially if you have experience falling on the Tripple's comedy sword -- I'll try and put up as many people as possible.

FINAL BLOW OUT SUPERSTAR COMEDY SHOW/PARTY -- ONE NIGHT ONLY!
Tuesday, June 28th
Felber's Frolics Ye Olde Tripple Inn263 W 54th St. between Broadway & 8th Ave.
(closer to 8th)
8pm - FREE, no minimum
Subway: 1,9 to 50th, E to 7th Ave (53rd), C to 50th

"So many comics that are now ripping it up as writers, performers, TV personalities, got their start at this little hole-in-the wall bar where Susie Felber hosted her Felber's Frolics show for over 6 years. It was one of my favorites in the city, the site of so many crazy, outrageous, and lamentable comedy moments that I will never forget no matter how much therapy I undergo. The owners are selling the space, but Susie is hosting one final show, so come on by."

- Liam McEneaney from VH1's Best Week Ever, Comedy Central's Premium Blend, etc.

"Farewell to Ye Olde Tripple Inn!!For those of you who remember Felber's Frolics at Ye Olde Tripple Inn, you remember the magic of Susie Felber improvising songs while her brother Adam played keyboards, drunks heckling comics, comics heckling drunks, bagpipers sitting in with the band, Kid Rock, comics soaring on the energy of the crowd while other comics crashed and burned into a sad and unrecognizable heap. Well, for one last night it's BACK!! Ye Olde Tripple Inn is closing and Susie is reviving Felber's Frolics for one last blowout of a show! You won't want to miss this. You may as well call in sick on Wednesday the 29th because this is going to be the bash of all bashes!"

- Rob Paravonian from Comedy Central, VH1 and The Dr. Demento Radio Show

ME, Tonight +

Wednesday, June 22nd
"Still Standing"
9:30pm @ Juvie Hall
24 Bond St.
www.juviehall.com

Each month comics write new material based on a theme. In June, host AB Carney and her fellow stand-ups explore patriotism.
So... that’s what I’ll be doing. Not sure who else is on the bill.
Here's a link with more info: http://www.manhattancomedycollective.com/news.html

ME, Tuesday June 28th

BIG SUPERSTAR SHOW!

Felber’s Frolics is back (after a 2 year hiatus) for one final comedy show at Ye Old Tripple Inn. The joint has been sold to make way for condos.

Below, a link to a nice tribute on Eric Drysdale’s site (He’s a pal and writer for The Daily Show) and quotes from other comics. The news of the Tripple's demise came very recently, and the comics wanted a send off. There will be over 40 comics in attendance, with big impressive credits that’d make any comedy nerd drool. If you're a comic, come, especially if you have experience falling on the Tripple's comedy sword -- I'll try and throw up as many people as possible.

More here:
http://www.edrysdale.com/

And below:
FINAL BLOW OUT SUPERSTAR COMEDY SHOW/PARTY -- ONE NIGHT ONLY!
Tuesday, June 28th
Felber's Frolics Ye Olde Tripple Inn263 W 54th St. between Broadway & 8th Ave.
(closer to 8th)
8pm - FREE, no minimum
Subway: 1,9 to 50th, E to 7th Ave (53rd), C to 50th

"So many comics that are now ripping it up as writers, performers, TV personalities, got their start at this little hole-in-the wall bar where Susie Felber hosted her Felber's Frolics show for over 6 years. It was one of my favorites in the city, the site of so many crazy, outrageous, and lamentable comedy moments that I will never forget no matter how much therapy I undergo. The owners are selling the space, but Susie is hosting one final show, so come on by."

- Liam McEneaney from VH1's Best Week Ever, Comedy Central's Premium Blend, etc.

"Farewell to Ye Olde Tripple Inn!!For those of you who remember Felber's Frolics at Ye Olde Tripple Inn, you remember the magic of Susie Felber improvising songs while her brother Adam played keyboards, drunks heckling comics, comics heckling drunks, bagpipers sitting in with the band, Kid Rock, comics soaring on the energy of the crowd while other comics crashed and burned into asad and unrecognizable heap.Well, for one last night it's BACK!! Ye Olde Tripple Inn is closing and Susie is reviving Felber's Frolics for one last blowout of a show! You won't want to miss this. You may as well call in sick on Wednesday the 29th because this is going to be the bash of all bashes!"

- Rob Paravonian from Comedy Central, VH1 and The Dr. Demento Radio Show

Lookie dat, I got a blog shout out.

I'm mentioned here, in a nice and colorful riff on baked goods from a woman who clearly knows her stuff.

She's 19 years old and awesomely talented. I especially love poofy.net.

Check out this awesomeness from poofy.net:

Pancake Tree:The creatures of Poofyville visit the Pancake Tree to seek its wisdom.Sometimes the tree gives out pancakes. Sometimes it does not. Today the Pancake Tree says: Look at expiration dates. They're not kidding.

I've just discovered her self-published (i think) book of cartoons and I'm dying for a copy. That and the hand sewn poofies. Cool. Wow. Initiative.

This is what makes the interneted world a great place.

PS I'm performing Wednesday night at Juvie Hall. Info TK

ME, Interviewed.

On my birthday no less...

Check it out

Me, Tonight


WEDNESDAY, June 15th
Girls vs. Boys: Battle of the Indie Pop Bands
8pm - midnight @ Sin-e
150 Attorney Street @ Stanton
I'm hosting. Fun fun, supah fun.
$8
Here's the link that also plays fab music:

http://www.myspace.com/girlsVSboysNYC

Very Important Poll Are my pictures from yesterday's post awesome or what? Hell yeah! No, I am a robot immune to dog charms and emotions such as happiness. view results Easy online poll builder - free! $5 Web Hosting!

Q: Who's to blame for putting lame poll technology in the wrong hands?
A: http://www.dancronin.com/

My Secret Double Life -- revealed!

or...

Hamptons Schmamtons!


So, on Wednesday night I'm hosting a fabulous indie rock competition. Scroll down for details.

But when not living my supah sexy Manhattan life, what am I doing?

For the past two and a half years, I've been sneaking off to my 2 bedroom villa in the Catskills every chance I get.

Here's a sneak peek from this past weekend.


My groundskeeper shows off the Luna moth I found. I watched it do a death mambo. Then, I came back an hour later and it was dead. Don't even try to pin this one on me, bucko!


Muchos Grassyass!


Stan of Action


I had to dig, amend and create this Flintstonesesque medieval herb garden. It took far too long.


My 2nd year of patented Felber plants-in-a-can technology.


Yes, I will keep posting adorable dog pics until you beg for mercy.


Last fall, I planted a copy of "Better Homes and Brunches" and this sprouted up.


"Come in! Let me bore you about how long it took to find, prime, paint and install this $20 screendoor!"


Deluxe custom homemade compost containment system with hand-painted trellis and currently pretty pathetic honeysuckle vine. But not Japanese honeysuckle. Because that plant is whack, y'all! It's all like, "I'm going to go crazy and F up your native plants!"

That's it for now. You'll hafta wait for the awesome wygelia photo.

Now, here's the 411 on coming to see me as the indoor urban night crawler you know and love...


WEDNESDAY, June 15th
Girls vs. Boys: Battle of the Indie Pop Bands
8pm - midnight @ Sin-e
150 Attorney Street @ Stanton
I'm hosting. Think Ryan Seacrest with boobs.
Here's the link that also plays fab music:

http://www.myspace.com/girlsVSboysNYC

Nice

My far away and not-seen-hardly-enough Brit pal Richard has written a post about the big, shocking news he read about here:

Beloved bar and legendary comedy venue Ye Olde Tripple Inn is closing forever at the end of June.

Check out his x-pond take on it below...

http://dogsmustbecarried.blog-city.com/last_orders_at_the_tripple.htm

Thanks dude, for the (unsolicited) memories.

Note: I'm throwing a big blow out free superstar comedy show at the Tripple: Tuesday, June 28th. One day before they close and the auctioneers start putting the vintage headshots on the chopping block.

The show is almost more for the comics than the audience. But it will be good. And sad. Yet good.

TONIGHT


Yes, Tonight!

FRIDAY, June 10th
Sweet Paprika 8:30pm @ Village Lantern
167 Bleecker Street
$5 plus one measley drink
http://www.sweetpaprika.com/

I'm hosting a great lineup that includes:

Brian Kiley
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Staff writer for Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Nominated for 7 Emmy Awards <-- wow! 99% sure he's won 'em too.

Joe DeVito
Writer and comedian whose work has appeared on MTV and in magazines like Stuff and Maxim. Most recently he was a creative consultant for the Oscar-nominated fast-food documentary "Super-Size Me." He is a regular at clubs all over the East Coast and is a favorite in the alternative lounges, bars and theatres in New York City.

Keith Price
Keith has performed at colleges and universities, Pride events, local NYC clubs including Stand Up NY, Gotham Comedy Club and Caroline's, spreading his message of "comedic love and fabulosity".

Anthony Devito
VH1’s “Awesomely Badder Girls,” “Awesomely Badder Fashion” and “Celebrity Showdown 2.” He can soon be seen on A&E’s “TVography: The Brady Bunch” and on the series pilot “Sunken Bling” on THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL. Anthony is a contributing writer for JEST magazine and US WEEKLY’s popular FASHION POLICE.

Tom McCaffrey
Comedy Central's Shorties Watchin' Shorties & Pemium Blend.
And think he attended Manhattan's high school for the performing arts <-- wonder if it was like FAME? Ya know, legwarmers 'n cellos and shit... I hope so. Here's the link: http://www.sweetpaprika.com/

PLUS: Possible special surprise guest just in from LA -- Chris Deluca!!!!

Reviews

Last night I watched a few minutes of a few network programs for the first time. Here are my reviews.

LOST

"Wow, these people are hot. Really hot. Annoying reality-show hot. Oh, there's the hispanic fat guy. Even he has fabulous hair that isn't frizzy after a crash. Almost all the guys are hot. Shoot, I can't tell them apart. And it's a mystery drama? It'll take me weeks just to figure out which buff hot guy is which. Short hair, dirty blonde hair, toned jaw clenching types. They even have similar adorable little plane crash scrapes on their cheeks. Why are all the ugly people minorities? Where's the screaming baby? I've never taken a flight without one. No. Won't be watching this again. "

CSI: NEW YORK

"Wow, cool rock intro theme. Is that The Who? Nice. That's network money for ya. Oh look, it's Gary Sinese. He's a famous movie actor, right? And on TV now? Guess that's because he's not hot. Look! A hot female scientist! Oh, there's another hot female scientist with perfect makeup! And another hot female investigator, but this one has an accent. Wow, the labs look like hot clubs -- nice buttery lighting -- and hot music plays as they do stuff in gloves and lab coats. See how that magnifying glass shot just shows in full relief how perfect her makeup is? Oh, back to the mystery. Bored. Oh look! More test tubes and music and great lipstick! OK, I'm bored."

LAW AND ORDER

"BANG CLANG. I love how they go from scene to scene with that BANG CLANG. You get a tiny bit of information from a witness and then BANG CLANG. The story is really good. Possible evil plastic surgeon. Why are all the female lawyers so much younger than the male lawyers and cops? BANG CLANG. I don't care if I ever see this again. BANG CLANG. GULITY -- he didn't get off and neither did I --BANG CLANG."

Ye Olde Tripple Inn Closing Forever

The Tripple will close forever at the end of June.

I am throwing one last blow out comedy show:

Tuesday, June 28th.

Stay tuned for details.

Incredibly Familiar, Yet Ever So Slightly Different*

I've added one more show to my upcoming handpicked Felber LIVE listings.

See if you can spot the new info!

Hint (that's more than a hint): it's the June 22nd show at Juvie Hall.


Deja NEW!

Here's just a few of my upcoming shows that are going to be cool. So very cool. Mark my words.

FRIDAY, June 10th
Sweet Paprika
8:30pm @ Village Lantern
167 Bleecker Street
I'm hosting.
Here's the link:
http://www.sweetpaprika.com/


WEDNESDAY, June 15th
Girls vs. Boys: Battle of the Indie Pop Bands
8pm - midnight @ Sin-e
150 Attorney Street @ Stanton
I'm hosting. Think Ryan Seacrest with boobs.
Here's the link that also plays fab music:
http://www.myspace.com/girlsVSboysNYC

Wednesday, June 22nd
"Still Standing"
9:30pm @ Juvie Hall
24 Bond St.
Each month comics write new material based on a theme. In June, host AB Carney and her fellow stand-ups explore patriotism.
Here's a link with more info: http://www.manhattancomedycollective.com/news.html

TUESDAY, July 19th
The WYSIWYG Talent Show
Greetings from Lake WYSIWYG -- Summer Camp Stories
7:30pm @ PS 122
Performance Space 122
150 First Ave. at E. 9th St.
I will tell an amazing funny-'cause-it's-true story
Here's the linkypoos:
http://www.wysiwygtalentshow.org/

*The title of this blog post is for sale if hot young novelist Jonathan San Foer (Saffron Foyer? Sanyo Foiled? Safrin Toil?) is looking for a title for his next book.**

** I googled him. It's Jonathan Safran Foer. Now you (I) know. How nice for us.

A poem for a stormy night


Lightening.

Bits of rain falling on the air conditioner

crackles and pops half-heartedly

like popcorn left in the microwave too long.

But I'm still thinking about the dead pigeon I stepped on.

In the morning, stepping off the curb, going to the subway,

then feeling the distinct ribs of flat pigeon through my shoe before looking down and realizing what it was.

Two days in a row.

That's the kicker.

I stepped on it two days in a row.

Same pigeon.

I think.

So what I'm saying is,

storm schmorm.

Now scroll down to see some of my upcoming shows.

Yes, me plugging myself is part of this poem.

I think.

See the repitition?

That was poety-like, no?

Oh yes yes a thousand times yes!

Fancy a quickie?



Rainy day activity: Print this page, neatly cut out this sassy pic of me and put it in your locket.

Here's just a few of my upcoming shows that are going to be cool. So very cool. Mark my words.

FRIDAY, June 10th
Sweet Paprika
8:30pm @ Village Lantern
167 Bleecker Street
I'm hosting.
Here's the link:
http://www.sweetpaprika.com/


WEDNESDAY, June 15th
Girls vs. Boys: Battle of the Indie Pop Bands
8pm - midnight @ Sin-e
150 Attorney Street @ Stanton
I'm hosting. Think Ryan Seacrest with boobs.
Here's the link that also plays fab music:
http://www.myspace.com/girlsVSboysNYC

TUESDAY, July 19th
The WYSIWYG Talent Show
Greetings from Lake WYSIWYG -- Summer Camp Stories
7:30pm @ PS 122
Performance Space 122
150 First Ave. at E. 9th St.
I will tell an amazing funny-'cause-it's-true story
Here's the linkypoos:
http://www.wysiwygtalentshow.org/

Move along, nothing to see here.


Go here for Red Rover's take on Marketing Deep Throat.

Wow that Red Rover sure is smart and clever, no?

Yes yes yes!

Tobacco Industry Targets Women, Almost Offers Them Fondest Wish


Be the first on your block to wear this ironically!

Story from CNN:

Study: Cigarette makers targeted women

My, the word "targeted" seems so sinister!

Study: Internal documents reveal stuffed animal industry targets babies

Study: Leaked memo indicates icing industry aware of/targeting users who eat straight from the can

Study: Coffee shops nationwide target unemployed hipsters with laptops

But the CNN article contains one truly damning bit of information:

The firms also considered putting appetite suppressants into cigarettes so they could promote them as weight control products, they said.

Bad bad cigarette industry!

How could you come up with such a brilliant idea and not follow through on it?

I honestly don't know how you people sleep at night.


Photo cred: smokingsection.com

Werewolf Blog Ends, Unmasks
& Makes Other Bloggers Jealous


And *I'm* still cater-waitering?

I originally posted the werewolf blog link in November '04.

Linked to it again when my spelling error was called out.

And always kept it on my sidebar.

Today the werewolf announces:

1. The blog is over

2. He is a writer, comedian and real-life Williamsburg video clerk

3. He got a chunk of change when the blog was optioned and...

Well, it's not for me to tell his story, especially when he does it much better.

Go here for the final chapter and link to his full explanation:
http://whatishappeningtome.blogspot.com/

Way to go my wolfy friend.

Inside the Bloggers Studio: I met Mr. Werewolf years ago through my very good friend Eris Migliorini. She doesn't have a website. But here's a picture of her, acting n' shit.


Eris acting n' shit.

And here's a review of a short film I was in with Eris:

http://www.filmthreat.com/Reviews.asp?Id=3609

Boo Film Threat for getting my name wrong.

Susie Ferber? Heaven forefend!


PS Now, if I could only dump this hideous new "what can brown do for you" Victorian UPS blog template, life would be perfect.

ME, TONIGHT



I'm hosting day two of the Home Film Festival tonight. I think it's like Sundance without the skiing, tiresome stars or fear of Redford getting handsy with ya.

Wanna come? There's an after party, but don't know the free food free booze 411. If you do decide to come, just mention my name at the door.

Nyc Home Film Festival
Location: Spider Club
6th ave, at 20th St,Nyc,NY
When: Thursday, May 26, 7:00pm
Event Producer: Dawn C. 917-406-3005

The 6th Semi-Annual NYC Home Film Festival
www.HomeFilmFest.com
Presented by Greg Segal

We are Proud to Present a 2-Day Series of Short Films
Including "Acting Class", John Gallagher (Pilot)
Director & Producer, "Cupidity"; Director, "Blue Moon", "The Deli"

The winners from Day 1 and Day 2 will be announced before the after-party on Day 2.
--------------------------
Day 2 - Thursday, May 26

Spider Club (212) 807-7780
Address: 622 6th Ave, corner of 20th St., NYC

7pm Screening begins, showing 11 short Films
Followed by Closing Awards Ceremony & After-Party!

Non-competitive viewing of "The Package", & "Acting Class".
Film Nominees:
“How to Stand In Line for Star Wars”, “Salute”, “Six Floor of Pure Glass”, “Two Men”, “The Melding”, “The Last Laugh”, “Twitch”, “Winning Yesterday”, “Weights and Measures”, “The Day of the Grackle”, “A Twist of Comfort”


PS what it says on the Spider Club write up on the NYT web:

For the more sedate and chosen few, there is also the members-only Spider Club which, according to the blurb, is located "somewhere between the first smile ever recorded on a human face and your last laugh," but can be reached through a private entrance on 20th Street. This sharp space, featuring a cozy back-lit lounge and small dance floor, is a second home to models and high rollers, but manages to maintain the intimate feel of a fun and slightly rowdy lounge bar.

High rollers? Models? I should fit right in.

PPS I'm aware this NYC hot spot review might be from 50 BC

Fabulous new blog

Check out this fabulous new blog!

It's so hilarious, savvy and other good things.

And it's new!

Did I mention hilarious?

How about savvy?

OK then.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

PS Will blogger ever get the memo to include the word "blog" in their spell check? Or even, if only for self-serving marketing purposes, the word "blogger"? Just wondering.

War, UH, what is it good for?

It's good for this:

PUPPY WAR!!!

But my Stan is not doing very well.

Could it be my Stan is not very cute? That he is, in fact, ugly?

Or is it that all other internet users are, in fact, blind?

The latter. For sure. Yep.

UPDATE: Sometimes I hate the web, especially when it points out how unoriginal I am. After posting this, I checked Technorati for stats on linkage to Puppy War and found this post with an eerily familiar title.

Great minds think alike? Small minds think alike? Place your bets.

An Open Letter to Food & Wine Magazine

Dear Food & Wine Magazine,

Your recent article on kitchen garden goddess, Seen Lipart, disturbed me.

If she is a goddess, why would she need her "parterre shaped by laser"?

I would think that as a goddess, she could harness the power of Zeus. I mean, even a demigod should have the ability to trim hedges, no?

There were other things that seem to not jibe with her being a goddess:

She lives in Greenwich, Connecticut -- not on Mount Olympus!

Her vast powers seem to stem not from a divine birth, but from an advantageous 2nd marriage to a former president and CEO of a global commercial satellite company.

But then again, maybe she IS a goddess. Check this:

"Her vegetables were picked only an hour ago, a hundred yards from the table, but their journey began last winter, when Lippert combed through seed catalogs, tracking down heirloom varieties, like French Breakfast radishes, for her gardens."

Wow. She ordered seeds. From many different catalogs... Now I feel bad that I took her for a stinking filthy rich blonde second wife who had her 9 acre estate LANDSCAPED DESIGNED AND MAINTAINED WITH A FREAKIN' LASER.

But maybe I'm just not a fan of fawning profiles of goddesses. Maybe I'm crazy-ass jealous? Maybe I'm scared that when the revolution comes, they're going to take her type down first?

In any event, please cancel my subscription.

Oh, I don't have a subscription?

Then, I dunno... have a nice day!

Cheers,

Your Pal,

Susie!

PS I liked that the photo with your feature "Chefs Gone Wild" featured the hottest young chef's ass squarely in the middle of the photo.


Now Serving: Young Tender Chef Meat

But I felt bad for the other chef's who look miserable on their ATV's, because they weren't deemed hot enough to show off their rumps. Maybe next time you should have these chefs do an activity that involves some exercise? Or maybe tell the hot chef to tone it down a bit?


"Hey, Mr. thinks-he's-so-hot Chef -- if I wanted cheesecake, I woulda ordered it!"


"Save it for yer centerfold in Bon Appetit, sweet cheeks!"


Ka-ZING!

ME, TONIGHT



So sorry I haven't had the chance to explain that pic of Paris Hilton's rump. Been busy. Tonight I'm doing comedy and doing good, all at once. Great line-up. Tix are only $15, $12 if you buy them online. Come on down if you can.

11th Charity Comedy Jam on Behalf of Art Start!
Thursday, May 19, 2005
8:00 - 10:00 pm
The Zipper Theater
336 West 37th Street between 8th & 9th Avenues
****Doors Open at 7:30pm****

The event will feature New York’s hottest comedians including:

Judy Gold: Gregarious host of HBO’s “At the Multiplex with Judy Gold” and a regular on Comedy Central’s “Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn” and “ Hollywood Squares.” Also hosted “100 Greatest Stand-ups of all time” on Comedy Central and often seen gabbing with the girls on “The View.”

Erin Foley: Featured comic on Comedy Central’s “Premium Blend” and appeared in the movie “Almost Famous.”

Rusty Ward: Seen on Comedy Central’s Premium Blend and currently getting ready for a second run of his highly lauded one-man show Brawl - a history of every fight he’s ever been in.

Leo Allen: Writer for "Saturday Night Live," and "Late Night with Conan O' Brien."

Susie Felber: Copy jockey for Court TV and contributor to US Weekly's Fashion Police. She has written and produced for ComedyCentral.com, Lifetime and ABC Development. Felber has also appeared on MTV2, Oxygen and multiples times on “Late Night with Conan O'Brien.”

Andres DuBouchet: Featured on “Late Night With Conan O'Brien" and "Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn."

***$3 Beer Specials Available All Evening***

Tickets are $12 in advance; $15 at the door, so buy yours NOW at http://www.acteva.com/go/oyfp

About Art Start
The purpose of Art Start is to value and nurture the voices of hearts and minds of under-served children and teenagers and help them transform their lives through the creative process. Art Start uses a multi-disciplined approach to arts education that is centered on the kids and their interests, and equips them with learning, creating and communicating skills. Art Start instills in our kids the confidence to pursue meaningful opportunities to share their ideas and dreams. Offered in a nurturing environment, Art Start’s programs challenge each child to develop his or her inner gifts and acquire tools to succeed in life. Go to www.art-start.org for more details.

About On Your Feet Project
On Your Feet Project (OYFP) is a national nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging people in community service and activism by educating them about diverse organizations and creating opportunities for direct community involvement. To learn more, go to www.oyfp.org.

I hate begonias

There. I said it.

Walking today on 39th street I saw a patch of begonias and thought, "I hate begonias."

To find a picture of a begonia I found the American begonia Society. Let's take a look at the aims and purposes of the American Begonia Society:

Aims and Purposes

To stimulate and promote interest in begonias and other shade-loving plants.

No. But I'll admit you almost got me with the enticing "other shade-loving plants" jazz.

To encourage the introduction and development of new types of these plants.

No. Although I'll admit I'm often impressed with the ability of begonias to look like they're fake, yet dying. Waxy leaves, pitiful little blooms -- I say to hell with 'em!

To standardize the nomenclature of begonias.

Go crazy, but I'll not have any part of it.

To gather and publish information in regard to kinds, propagation, and culture of begonias and companion plants.

Oh I get it, the first one is free, right? Well luckily begonias are too hideous to hook even the most far gone plant addict.

To issue a bulletin that will be mailed to all members of the society.

Whoa whoa whoa! Are you aware that'll set you back nearly 80 cents?!

To bring into friendly contact all who love and grow begonias.

Bad idea, ABS. Studies have shown that if people have friendly contact with other humans, they cease to love and grow begonias.

So in conclusion, screw begonias.



What the? What the hell is that?

Find out tomorrow...

Is that Paris Hilton's ass?

Not telling.

It is, I think that's Paris Hilton's ass!

Oh come on, don't give it away.

OK. I won't give away that that is most certainly Paris Hilton and her ass in House of Wax.

Thanks.

No problem. Just explain this tomorrow, K?

No doubt my imaginary muchacho!

You have imaginary friends... are you sure you don't like begonias?

What are you implying???

I was just... nevermind.

I mean, it is nice that they grow in the shade and... oh no! Am I a closeted begonia lover?

What? Sorry, wasn't listening. I'm distracted by Paris Hilton's bum.

OK then, find out tomorrow... when Stray Pride will have less ABS, and more PHB!

PHB?

Paris Hilton's Bum.

Oh, right. Fabu.

Extreme Makeover: Dog Edition

BEFORE

"Hi, I'm Stan. My turn ons are rolling in bear crap, rolling in deer crap, and rolling in bear crap. My turn offs are people who don't like me to roll in bear crap."


AFTER

"It's Stanley, dahling. And thank you, I love my new look. I feel like Mini-Me to a pit bull. But I'll tell you the cut is merciless dahling...it shows off every extra Snausage! Time to get back on the Science Diet, but my owner gives me liverwurst, sweetie, and try as I may (but I don't) I can not resist. Yes, my owner... she has a charming quality of insouciance, no? And by insouciance, I mean she should really dress a little bit less like Punky Brewster on a bender. I'm sorry dahling, but in this world we are judged by what is on the other side of the leash! If my owner is going to flounce around in Salvation Armani, Hilary Swank's dog will talk and we all know she can be a bee-yotch. And furthermore, woof. Woof to infinity dahling, and there's nothing higher than infinity. Not even infinity plus woof."

New Yorker Caption Contest Part Deux

Another week, another caption of mine that didn't make it to the semi finals...



"I really think this company is going places. Specifically, Brooklyn."

That was mine.

Go here and see the ones that made it.

Oh poo.

This is very bad for my ego. I've gone from having a super enormous giant teflon mega ego, to merely having a very large yet shapely ego.

ttfn,

Hawk it to me!

************TONIGHT!!!************

Felber's picture hint of the day: If you really want to look like
a hunchback, simply outstretch your arm and take a pic of yourself while
atop a tower.

I'm hosting this lovely little show in midtown:

No Relation Comedy
Tonight!
Friday, MAY 6 @ 8PM
Jack Demsey's
36 W. 33rd Street (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.)
MC Susie Felber plus Dave Konig, Jamie Roberts, Garry Leavy, Jane Campbell, Blaine, Christian Finnegan <-- from VH1’s BWE, Comedy Central Presents:Christian Finnegan & Chapelle’s Show!

Then, I am off to a party filled with celebrities.

Then tomorrow morn I am going upstate to buy shrubbery such as viburnum and then plant stuff and get covered in mud and go snooping for antiques with my mom and cook rustic cassoulet's and... hey, where are you going?

Next time I'll just stick to the part about the celebrities, eh?

Susie de Mayo

************TONIGHT!!!************

Can you believe I made this whimsical photo montage all by myself?

Come see me perform live tonight at a great downtown spot:
No Hitting Comedy Show - Cinco de Mayo!
8PM
Mickey's Blue Room
171 Ave C (bet. 10th & 11th)
Take the F to second ave
or the L to 1st
Only a measley 3 bucks!

Con los talentos de Pat Candaras, Bobby Tisdale, Susie Felber, Jack Kukoda, Nick Stevens, Y sus favoritos manejando todo esa mierda, Becky Donohue y Jeff Mac.

TOMORROW NIGHT
I'll be MC'ing at this lovely little show in midtown:

No Relation Comedy
Friday, MAY 6 @ 8PM
Jack Demsey's
36 W. 33rd Street (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.)
MC Susie Felber plus Dave Konig, Jamie Roberts, Garry Leavy, Jane Campbell, Blaine, Christian Finnegan <-- from VH1’s BWE, Comedy Central Presents:Christian Finnegan & Chapelle’s Show!

My Stan.

No Photoshop. No retouching. 100% pure Muttastic.




"Bad dog! Put down my femur!"

New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

I entered this two weeks running thanks to a heads up from a friend and fellow comedian.

This was the first week's cartoon.



I had two captions.

The one I sent in:

"I love science Jenkins, and love makes you do stupid, crazy things"

The one I almost sent in, but did not:

"I was tired of living a lie."

Today, they have the semi-finalists up from the first contest and you can vote for your favorite.

As you can see, I was not among the chosen people.

With all due respect, I think both of mine were 100% funnier.* Feel free to start a letter writing campaign on my behalf.

Or simply check back every week as this professional writer and comedian shares her losing entries with you. What better way is there to wile away the time than seeing her enormous ego being battered? I think the best part will be the progress of my downward spiral as I become disturbingly more bitter as a parade of lame captions are selected. Fun!

*To be honest, I think mine were funnier to infinity. And as we all know, there's nothing higher than infinity, not even infinity plus one.**

**I am aware that mathematicians might get all up in my jock about my take on this infinity business. Yet another reason I'm glad I don't have a comments section.***

***And anyway, I think marine biologists and physicists are way hotter than mathematicians. That's why you'll never see me getting all cocky about the burn point of whale blubber or waxing sarky about the whipping up of particles. Um... particle whipping. sexy.****

****To me, people, to me!*****

*****Drat it all! All the fantasizing in the world about hot physicists -- and I will need to fantasize because I could not find any pics of hot scientists -- will not dull the pain of losing the New Yorker caption contest. Oh the humanity!******

******Who's more bored with this post, you or me?*******

*******No idea. It's a lose/lose situation really.********

********I would buy an iPod today if iTunes had a recording of Irene Cara singing "Here's to the Losers" at The 58th Annual Academy Awards (1986). Just saying.