Wednesday, March 16, 2005

A Personal Note to Rich Eccentrics who read this Blog

Dear Rich Eccentric,

Hi! Thanks for stopping by! As you are rich and eccentric, you probably find that it can be difficult to sift through all the things you can drop gobs of cash on in today’s world. So many kooky items, so little time, right? And need I even mention all the wacky/misguided causes campaigning to receive your largesse? I think not!

I’ve never asked for a donation for my blog (Are there no poorhouses?), nor do I have an “Amazon wish list” posted (Are there no libraries?).

No, I find all that very tacky, and I personally don’t think these people aim high enough.

Now you, rich eccentric, know about aiming high.

Because you, rich eccentric, are a go getter who worked your butt off and made a fortune on some crazy scheme, or you were born into money and think the lower classes just aren’t trying hard enough. Either way, you are all about self-reliance and outrageous success!

So, I figure you could relate to my aiming high. I am running a contest for Rich Eccentrics. The winner gets to buy me two tickets to the June 29th Jacques Pepin Dinner Package sponsored by and benefiting WLIW public television.

For a piddling $575 you can support a good cause and I, a very nice person if I do say so myself, can have two tickets to drink wine, eat a five-course meal and meet a cooking genius.

Pepin is a genius? Tell me more!


Yes, I know that it’s often difficult to cut through the accent and know what Jacques is saying. Why the other day I was shouting at the TV, “What did he just grind up and put on the salmon? It sounded like ‘mrfulefffle’ but it looks like…acorns…maybe?”

And sure, when Pepin pops food into his mouth on camera, it’s the opposite of Nigella Lawson-sexy. And yes, he doesn't mean to hurt but he can say little things that make you feel like an American pig like, "Actually we never make dessert at home, but if I have guests, I might make..." And of course, I know his constantly dirty hands can skeeve you out.


Have you ever seen him show you how to turn all your old moldy cheese into a symphony of flavor? Or watched as he made a cassoulet 1, 2, 3? Or have you seen Pepin segment an orange in two seconds flat? It’s like poetry – except without the annoying feeling that you’re probably missing something.

That's the thing about Jacques . Like fine food and wine, it takes maturity and a love of food to appreciate him. If you would just as easily fling your food in the air than eat it, need a live band or a catch phrase to jazz up your cooking technique or if you are childish enough to "Oooh" and "Ahhh" like guilty little children when someone adds a fattening ingredient, you probably prefer a twinkie-weight TV chef.

Now that I've made my case, I know what you’re thinking… "What will I as a Rich Eccentric get out of this deal other than encouraging your liberal, boring-ass television? I mean, I don't even get to come with you? Sorry, but that sounds worse than a raw food diet."

Oh, you’re not thinking that? You really have way too much money and too little time to spend it? Excellent. Email me and I’ll tell you where to mail the tickets.

Official rules: Offer is limited to one (1) Rich Eccentric. In the event of multiple Rich Eccentrics chomping at the bit to send Susie to the Jacques Pepin Dinner Package, Susie will choose an Alternate Lovely Thing to receive. Every effort will be made to make Alternate Lovely Thing of equal or greater value than the Jacques Pepin Dinner Package. Possible gifts include but are not limited to: iPods, iPod docking stations, fancy digital camera, a new bicycle, or an absurdly indulgent spa treatment. Chances of winning depend upon the number of Rich Eccentrics participating. Good luck!