Friday, November 14, 2003

Feeling Testy

I hate having my blood checked. It's not the needle, it's not the blood. Heck I give blood regularly. Giving blood is one of the few things in this life I don't do just for the cookies.

I hate my blood being tested because you can't excel at it. I'm a very competitive person deep down and it's a drag knowing that deep down under your skin the best you can do is "normal." My dad the Hematologist explained this to me early and I remember the disappointment. I told this to my brand spanking new PCP yesterday when he was doing the blood letting. He said, "Well, I guess you could have exceptionally low cholesterol. That would be good."

I lit up, I was like a flower put in water, my nipples exploded with delight.

I got the call from the doc today. I steeled myself against being merely normal. For some reason I had not one fear that something would be abnormal... This from a gal who thinks she has incurable toe cancer at least twice a day.

My blood was... Normal.

Yeah whatever, get to the goods...

"Your cholesterol however is -"

I'm dying doc, dying I tell ya!

"Great. Really exceptional. Very low."

I let out a hoot and started giggling. Tell me more...

"Well your bad cholesterol is very low and your good cholesterol is high."

He reassured me this was good. Very good. He said I could live to 120 with these numbers, as long as someone seeing one of my shows didn't throw an egg at me.

Yeah, I think he said egg. Don't know if that would be fatal or how exterior egg might raise my LDL but bless him for trying. He was actually funnier than that would lead you to believe. For me a funny doctor is more important than if he tries to cure me with feathers, bull's blood and rattles.

Basking in my stellar bodily fluid performance (especially since weight and other factors I get nagged by my mother about should have raised it by now), I thanked him and told him I would keep up the olive oil IV's.

He probably thought, "What? Oh, she's usually funnier than that. Bless her for trying."