Friday, December 05, 2003

Felber Spreads Message of Hate

A few weeks ago I sent a wonderful woman named Naomi a baby shower gift from her internet registry. The day I put in the order, I happened to visit another friend I haven't seen since she fell into the baby vortex. a.k.a. Park Slope, Brooklyn.

There hanging in her son's crib I spied the very toy I had selected a few hours before, The Fisher-Price Ocean Wonders Aquarium.

Wow! I ask Alyssa about it and she says her son loves the toy, always has, it's incredible. She says all her baby laden friends agree it's a must-have. She tells me the thing plays sounds, the fish waggle, light up and... I need to take her word for it. For as I try to take it for a spin she tells me the batteries are currently dead, further proving how much her son loves it.

Excellent, I think. I am the best present giver ever. I don't know much about babies, but I obviously have an intuitive sense about these things. I really should be a personal shopper or a...

"But you know there's something odd," Alyssa says, "I was reading reviews of the toy on some baby site message board. Some parents claim there's a voice under the ocean sounds that clearly says, 'I hate you' to the baby."


Yes. Apparently this toy aquarium delivers subliminal messages of hate. Amid the controversy, Wal-Mart has pulled it from their shelves. A parent in the article even theorizes this is China's way of getting back at us. Sinister indeed!

So I call my friend Naomi today. She is shocked and amazed to learn of the possible cribside peril she has received from me. Now she's eager to plunk the batteries in and listen for the message of pure baby bile.

Of course like me, if it turns out the aquarium actually says, "I hate you"... she'll be totally thrilled.