Friday, July 29, 2005

A Gay Robot Walks into a Bar...

Below, a picture of the gay, bar-going robot my brother & I created for "Last Call" a comedy CD-ROM game that was published by Simon & Schuster in 2000.

troy gay robot
The original gay drinking robot.

Now, here's gay robot news from today's CableFAX daily:

Programming: Comedy Central greenlit 2 irreverent comedies..."Gay Robot" stars Nick Swardson and is based on an Adam Sandler comedy album "Shhh...Don't Tell" about a robot who, after a late night with a wine cooler and his circuit boards, discovers that he's gay. It will be produced with Sandler's Happy Madison production company.

Sandler's gay robot bit was on an album from 2004. Now, here's the description we wrote for our original character --
Troy, the gay robot. Our gay robot description has lived online since 2000 right here.

troy gay robot

How many robots have had the courage to come out of the closet? Troy did. It's no secret --Troy is gay. He reacts a bit differently depending on your gender. Female bartenders get wild animated greetings, and lots of flattery. "Girl! I love that brooch! Is that antique?" or "I like them tall, cool, and on demand don't you? That's Tom Collins sweetie." If a female bartender charms him he might say, "Really? Thank YOU. I was just simonized - you don't think my metal's too flashy?" For male bartenders he poses. "See this shining armor? I might be your Knight". He's liable to burst into robotic show tunes when left unattended for too long. Troy's voice is effeminate but hugely processed, like Harvey Fierstein in a ventilation shaft.

To be honest I haven't heard Sandler's bit, and it has been ages since I played the game we wrote and can't remember most of the dialogue. Now, sure, I'm curious as to the similarities...

But mainly, I'm just enough of an egomaniac to point out that we created the original hilarious gay booze-swilling bar-going robot.

OK...I guess there's another motive for this post. Last Call is still a weensy bit of a sore spot.

Yeah, it's a little sore. Ow.

The thing is, the Last Call got some great reviews. It really was a funny game. Really. I was proud of it. We worked with talented young animators and a young talented guy named John Cutler who conceived of the game and brought the project to life with his passion and hard work.

But in the end, due to the game's alcohol and sex (in cartoon form), Wal-Mart wouldn't carry us and with that, hopes for the game hitting the bigtime were crushed. Wal-Mart does carry games like Unreal Tournament, with their amazing amounts of blood and gore and weaponry that ranges from razor blades to shave someone's head off, to nuclear weapons you can carry and fire. I know this because I am a fan of Unreal Tournament. So, no, I don't think this incredibly violent stuff should be banned by Wal-Mart.

But yeah, I am still smarting that innuendo, and gay robots and mixed drinks would be banned -- heck in our game you had to card every customer, even the hedgehog!

Over a year after our game came out, I was at a big video game company's Christmas party in Tribeca, where I actually met the video game buyer for Wal-Mart. They introduced him to me because they had heard Last Call was one of his favorite games ever, and that he had pinned the cover to his office wall. Mr. blonde buyer guy gushed about the game and said he was so sorry they didn't carry it. He said he had fought for it to hit the shelves, but in the end, yes, the rumors we had heard about the cartoon sex and booze were true. It was deemed too "hot" for Wal-Mart.

So really, as if you didn't have enough reason to loathe them already --

F Wal-Mart.