Modern Day Chicken/Egg Dilemma

Do fat men like ATV's?

"Ahhh, I love feeling the wind against my perennial fat man sweat!"

Or do ATV's make men too fat to pursue any other sport?

"I got winded turning on the ignition...is there a remote for that?"

I've no idea. Do you?

Incidentally, I've wondered the same thing about dudes who love jet skis...

"FYI, I haven't seen my genitals since she was conceived!"

Oh happy day!

Before wrapping up for the day, I wrote a line to be beamed out to thousands that said, in part, "...craves your mail like a panda with PMS craves chocolate-covered bamboo."

And it made me happy. In fact, it suddenly made up for a horrible day, one that began auspiciously when I almost blacked out from the heat on what became a two-hour journey to work.

Just take away the hooves; add a jazzy polyester maternity outfit, and this could be me on my commute this morning.

And so I'm reminded of this bit from "Some Dark Thoughts on Happiness" an article by Jennifer Senior in New York Magazine:

"And from Barry Schwartz’s The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less, I come across the most compelling, persuasive, and revolting study of them all: Two separate groups of men, when given colonoscopies, reported less discomfort if the instrument sat in place for a few seconds after the procedure, even though it prolonged the exam. The reason is that the final moment involved less pain. Apparently, we define and remember our experiences by their highs, lows, and how they end."

Susie signing off saying, here's hoping your day ends painlessly, and your end is never in pain.

Untitled #428

Aw, what a cute whittle kitten...

I vant to march on Poland!

Sorry, you what?

You dare question Der Furer?

Apologies to the lovely Flippy and Leigh-Ann for insinuating one of their new kittens might be Hitler reincarnated.

Master Casting
Thinking about being an actor? Before you quit your day job read our look at what casting directors are looking for. Hint: it involves naked women.

by Susie Felber

Read it here and now on Hollywood Heat!

Introducing: The Veri's

I am proud to announce a brand new awards ceremony that will take place in February 2007: The Veri's. The 1st Annual Veri's will honor the best in the art and science of word verification on the Web. They will be hosted by me, and many well-known performers will be on hand to present the awards.

Although most of the awards will be determined by a panel of judges, you can vote in The People's Choice Veri's. For example, vote now for your favorite verification word in the category: SEXINESS. Here are the nominees...

"gkshx" in red cladding is a very classic hot and sexy verification word.

"grrvb" broke the "g" verification word mold with ground-breaking blue.

"dmmizst" is a coy verification word. The "mm" says there's something tasty in this word, while it also seduces Web surfers with a hint of "z" and the "st" leaves one with the promise of something more.

Rules: All verification words are eligible. To be considered for The Veri's, submit your best verification word in gif or jpg format, a written brief of no less than 400 words outlining your word (must include demonstrated results) and a non-refundable $250 deposit.

Note: The Veri's are a wholly-owned trademark of Snooge & Co. All rights reserved. And yes, the Veri's are silly. But we just think we're a tad more interesting and worthy than that scam Web Awards ceremony known as The Webbys.

UPDATE: Will MySpace sweep The Veri's with their trippy Peter Max-esque verification words? See two of their entries below!



Whoa, MySpace, your verification words are blowing MyMind!!

You can read my "final" thoughts on the World Cup right here on TNR's Goal Post blog.

Germans waving goodbye to the World Cup...


PS In other news the German government has informed me this week that they found my grandfather's assets. Of course, these "registered assets" may be all of two rusty tin spoons, but the point is it was very nice of them to look in all the cupboards after, oh, 70 years. And my father, were he still alive, would have been made glad.


This is the ship for orphans that my father and his older sister came to America on. They were on one of three voyages from France that rescued 311 children.

Here are some amazing photos I found of Jewish refugee children waiting to board the Mouzinho. One of the photos shows a child that looks just like my father, but as I can only see his eyes and his height, maybe I am imagining it.

Virtual Postcard from the Catskills

It's HOT during the day.


And cool at night.

Zzzzz, ZzzZZZzzz, ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

We are enjoying the fireworks.

Both natural




...and manmade.




Wish You Were Here

...and all that jazz.

Now for a public service announcement...


FREE SHIPPING UNTIL MIDNIGHT

Free shipping on all orders until midnight tonight! Enter the coupon code GOKINKY in the discount coupon code at the bottom of the shopping cart, and get FREE SHIPPING on your entire order!

Offer expires tonight at midnight. Help us beat our fundraising goal by the reporting deadline of June 30th and save on shipping on great Kinky Friedman merchandise.

http://www.kinkyfriedman.com/xcart/home.php

Susie says: I've already got a black girlie T for me and one of these, below*, for everyone's favorite NYC sex columnist/erotica writer/cupcake lover, my pal RKB.


It's time to mess with Texas... in a good way

*Can''t get the pic of RKB's shirt now. Will post later.

Enjoy my dog on a picnic table...

How did mutt from the Bronx become an England fan anyways?

Then enjoy more of me on The New Republic's fabulous World Cup blog...

My latest post entitled, "The Week in Review" is right here.

PARTY (not in my pants) !

Hey WWW, why not spend your evening celebrating the launch of HelloHilarious.com?

Fun! Go! Hooray, hoorah!

I can't make it as I have a hot date with my man to run out after a full day of work to purchase a not-unreasonably-priced bed for our cabin from the Ikea in Satan's Anus New Jersey. Jealous much?

The New Republic's Redheaded Stepchild -- Yup, that's me!

UPDATE 6/28: I was wrong. SO WRONG. I was not being frozen out. The super sweet guy who edits and posts the posts was sick. GAWD I FEEL GUILTY! Still, read my totally absurd post below. It remains a wonderful fun source of pics of my dog in World Cup garb. Then visit The New Republic DOT COM for more hot soccer commentary. And yeah, I've got a new post up today.

***
After a glorious two whole posts on TNR's GOAL POST, am I being shunned? Or maybe benched is a better word? Seems my posts are being postponed, possibly indefinitely. But why?

Well my last submitted post did refer to Ecuador and Guinea Pigs. So I violated rule #1 on liberal blogs: Nothing indiginous people do is wrong/to be mocked. And sure, I did call TNR, "NPR for deaf people." But come on people, funny 'cause it's true! Oh and Gawker didn't link to Foer's house of World Cup fun after their initial shout out, so I guess my stock plummeted.

Yes, Stan my dog, you're right. I think I've been tabled!

Stan demonstrates the agony of being tabled.

But am I going to let this get me down?

Stan down on the pitch, demonstrating an injury.

No! No I tell you! I am going to train harder than ever
...to get myself unpaid work on wordy liberal blogs.

That's Stan with a real 5 lb. weight, for real dawgs.

Sigh. Well, it was fun while it lasted.

You know Stan, it's more analogous to being on the outside looking in, but whatever.

Oh hey! Speaking of NPR, my NPR famous brother is busy working on a new Tee Vee show but just revamped his long-runing site and it now features Chris Regan, Mo Rocca and other possibly real contributors. Check it out! The all-new Fanatical Apathy is here.

David Barkham

Check out this take on my Stan, England's #1 fan

Thanks Carolyn, for making my post so dang easy.

TODAY

Words fail me...

About last night

The Blue Knights had a rally in Little Italy.


The noise was deafening.

Eat an apple through a picket fence? Done and done!

The choppers were intense...



If you think this is scary, you shoulda seen some of their paunches. Shiver!

And some who found themselves in it were mighty surprised.

Did someone say bike rally?

But all bikes,


And no cafe,


Makes for a dull day.

Exhibit: Dinner


Ahhhhhhhhhh...

I hope you have enjoyed a blatent trying out of the new digital camera

by Susie

Funny 'cause it's true

Er, I am now contributing to very blog I mocked.

My first GOAL POST post here explains it all.

My second GOAL POST post here.

It's me and about 12 smart, nerdy, predominantly-Jewish men -- so it's just like being on a late-night comedy writing staff! Except we're getting 100% less than scale and there's actually a woman.

But seriously, it's crazy fun. Many thanks to FF for seeing my sassy and obnox post on Gawker and letting me play in their reindeer games.

Check it out.

PS When I post on tnr's blog I find I have Pink's refrain on my brain:
I'm trouble.
Yeah trouble now.
I’m trouble ya’ll.
I got trouble in my town.
I'm trouble.
Yeah trouble now.
I'm trouble ya’ll.
I got trouble in my town.