“In the Cards”
24 Hour Plays Viral Monologues
A remote performance on YouTube
February 16, 2021
Written by Susie Felber
Performed by Julia Prud'homme
Onscreen text: Jenny D. LIVE Tarot | SEE yr FUTURE
Hey guys! Welcome to my live tarot cast. I’m Jenny—a psychic medium and intuitive life coach. You guys send questions, I pull cards and tell you what’s what. Readings are free, but tips are always appreciated.
OK lots of questions coming in… Vera from Florida. Love it there by the way… Maybe it’s the sunshine. Or that hot boat tour guy I pulled into a porta potty by the docks, but that was life pre-COVID, amiright? OK.
Vera asks, “Why does my husband seem disinterested in me these days?” OK good question, Vera. Let’s pull the cards, honey. Did you send a PayPal tip? No? OK.
Card numero uno… the Strength card. Now the Strength card means you are going to need all of your resources to get through a tough time. How tough? Like he might have a secret family, tough. Let's pull another card… oh the Page of Pentacles… The page has a dish… like he’s bringing bad news on a platter. Let’s pull one final card, shall we? OK so now it’s… oh my god… it’s THE THREE OF SWORDS. Yeah that’s heartbreak, suffering, and an extra big helping of grief. Now I keep two swords with me right here, see? See these swords? Just to show you how very serious they are. Imagine these babies raining down on you, now imagine them plus one more heading straight for your tits. Yeah, it’s that bad. I’m thinking maybe he has 3 secret families. I’m not saying you should divorce him… I’m strongly implying it.
OK let’s shuffle the deck. Besides the swords here, I have pentacles too, but last time I showed my pentacles I got kicked off Facebook for a good long while if you know what I mean.
OK next question from Charles. Thank you honey for sending me the PayPal. OK Charles has a husband who died and he wants to know if he'll find love again. Let’s pull the card and… the Queen of swords! Oh Charles, you won’t just find love, it will hit you so hard it’ll be like the queen’s sword just shaves the grief off your dick like a cheese plane. A cheese plane… it’s like a peeler, but for cheese.
OK there’s time for one more reading. Who’s up? OK Aliecia. Hi sweetheart. OK Alecia says, “My boyfriend kept trying to come back but you told me not to let him back thank you so much.” Oh honey that’s great. Now Alecia asks, “Will I find happiness this year?” OK, Alecia didn’t send a PalPal tip, that’s ok. But let’s see... I pulled the cards and we have: the Hermit. The Fool. And the 10 of Swords. So Alecia honey. You are gonna be alone, forever, because you’re insane, and there will be so many swords, plunged into your back. Oh hang on, Alecia, thanks for the Venmo. I missed that before and—OH OK see, the Hermit, Fool and 10 of swords were actually reversed. Yeah so reversed? Cards say you’re never gonna be alone, and you’re nobody’s fool, and all those swords? BOOM! It’s like the clouds have these ultra powerful sword magnets and they are pulling them up away from your bloodied back… wow. That’s great.
OK my Christmas cactus is telling me it’s time to wrap it up. Those who know me know I not only communicate with the dead, but with plants (succulents, mostly) and small dogs, so hit me up for a private reading, smash that subscribe button, and remember—cards don’t lie!
