Extreme Makeover: Dog Edition
"Hi, I'm Stan. My turn ons are rolling in bear crap, rolling in deer crap, and rolling in bear crap. My turn offs are people who don't like me to roll in bear crap."
"It's Stanley, dahling. And thank you, I love my new look. I feel like Mini-Me to a pit bull. But I'll tell you the cut is merciless dahling...it shows off every extra Snausage! Time to get back on the Science Diet, but my owner gives me liverwurst, sweetie, and try as I may (but I don't) I can not resist. Yes, my owner... she has a charming quality of insouciance, no? And by insouciance, I mean she should really dress a little bit less like Punky Brewster on a bender. I'm sorry dahling, but in this world we are judged by what is on the other side of the leash! If my owner is going to flounce around in Salvation Armani, Hilary Swank's dog will talk and we all know she can be a bee-yotch. And furthermore, woof. Woof to infinity dahling, and there's nothing higher than infinity. Not even infinity plus woof."