Star Mangled Banner
So while watching the National Prayer service live just now, there was a tad of excitement, at least for me.
Everyone was singing the Star Spangled Banner, and it was sounding
grand and inspiring, what with their back up chorus of eunuchs or whatever. The focus was on the President and Vice, of course, and sure it was a bit distracting that Cheney's wife looks exactly like Barbara Walters (if Barbara had just risen from the crypt), but ya know, the 2nd lady looks pretty good for the undead...
Anyway they got to the rousing, "and the home of the Brave!" and then Bush, his peeps and the entire cathedral relaxed, got ready to say "Play ball", pack
it in and all that.
When suddenly, the 2nd verse started rolling over them like a great wave. The collective look of "FUCK" darted around the cathedral faster than Ricochet Rabbit when they realized they were not done. And to add insult to ignorance, no one other than the off-camera eunuchs, had any idea what the next verse was.
The next few seconds CNN panned around as people scrambled for their lyrics sheets and mumbled like guilty children who hadn't done their homework, "On the shore dimly seen?, thro' the mists of the deep?, Where the foe's hau-ghty??? host in dread? sil-ence reposes..."
CNN kept this up for only a few more seconds and then cut away because it was so dismal sounding, looking and anti-climatic.
Plus the people in the control room probably feared Cheney was going to declare war when they got to the 4th verse.
F. Scott Key indeed.*
*This post was originally an honest email to some friends... oh round about five minutes ago. I did not intend to post this here. I don't write emails and then turn them into blog posts. But now, I do. Or I did, just now. But I won't, after this. Anywho, if any of them see this I could, nay I will, be made fun of. Ye Haw!
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Insert clever title here
After a month long blog sabbatical, I'm back chickadees.
There's too much to tell. But here's a shortlist of the most exciting developments in my life.
Snowshoes!
Pros: Walk over snow! Light as a feather! Great Exercise!
Cons: Baffling Bindings! Fingers got stuck to iced aluminum! I resemble a redheaded Yeti!
Living life to the fullest!
Pros: Joy! Productivity! Fuzzy thoughts!
Cons: Eating too much! Working too much! Pushing away thoughts of death gets darn tiring!
Lingerie!
Pros: An old friend created this groovy company called belabumbum and it's taking off! Soon, I will be writing fun stuff for them! FREE lingerie for me!
Cons: Free lingerie? How could there possibly be anything bad about that? That's right, there's nothing bad about that.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go snowshoe until my bumbum is bela.
After a month long blog sabbatical, I'm back chickadees.
There's too much to tell. But here's a shortlist of the most exciting developments in my life.
Snowshoes!
Pros: Walk over snow! Light as a feather! Great Exercise!
Cons: Baffling Bindings! Fingers got stuck to iced aluminum! I resemble a redheaded Yeti!
Living life to the fullest!
Pros: Joy! Productivity! Fuzzy thoughts!
Cons: Eating too much! Working too much! Pushing away thoughts of death gets darn tiring!
Lingerie!
Pros: An old friend created this groovy company called belabumbum and it's taking off! Soon, I will be writing fun stuff for them! FREE lingerie for me!
Cons: Free lingerie? How could there possibly be anything bad about that? That's right, there's nothing bad about that.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go snowshoe until my bumbum is bela.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Me, LIVE
I saw that someone came to my site searching for Susan Felber. This surprised me. Oh sure, people often come to my site looking for lusty hot & shaved take-out containers and pictures of box turtles in vintage panties doing the nasty with gummy bears. That kind of same old, same old stuff doesn't phase me.
But "Susan Felber" -- now that shocks me.
Although it is my real name, printed plainly on my birth certificate (You'll hafta take my word for it because I haven't seen the birth cert thingy in over a decade...)it was only lightly used when I wanted to be taken seriously as an intellectual (ages 7-10). For "Susan" is a very serious name, capable of very serious stuff.
"Susan" is someone who would do your taxes, singlehandedly plan a successful bake sale aiding legless Landseer's or drown your extra children in a lake.
In fact, if you Google "Susan Felber" right now, the first thing that comes up is a Dr. Susan Felber. This completely confirms my suspicions and fans my guilt: there is no doubt in my mind that if I hadn't turned to "Susie" I would now be an M.D.
Then again, the upside is that you don't need insurance to see me.
So without further a-dew...
Tomorrow night I'm doing my 2nd appearance at a little show in a cool lounge.
Tomorrow, Tuesday Nov. 30th
Jab @ Punch Lounge
913 Broadway btwn 20th and 21st, above Punch Restaurant.
Doors Open at 6.
No Cover
Comedy at 7:30.
This week's lineup: Mark Sam Rosenthal, Susie Felber, Sherry Davey, Kelli Dunham, and Rachel Feinstein. Hosted by Katie McCabe At 9, DJ David Handsome spins New Wave/Eclectic Pop/Electro Drink and Appetizer specials run all night. Includes $5 Apple Martinis and $7 Sesame Fried Calimari
This joint features buttery lighting, decor like 2001: A Space Odyssey's rumpus room and tempura stringbeans with garlicky dipping stuff that will make your nipples explode with delight.
I saw that someone came to my site searching for Susan Felber. This surprised me. Oh sure, people often come to my site looking for lusty hot & shaved take-out containers and pictures of box turtles in vintage panties doing the nasty with gummy bears. That kind of same old, same old stuff doesn't phase me.
But "Susan Felber" -- now that shocks me.
Although it is my real name, printed plainly on my birth certificate (You'll hafta take my word for it because I haven't seen the birth cert thingy in over a decade...)it was only lightly used when I wanted to be taken seriously as an intellectual (ages 7-10). For "Susan" is a very serious name, capable of very serious stuff.
"Susan" is someone who would do your taxes, singlehandedly plan a successful bake sale aiding legless Landseer's or drown your extra children in a lake.
In fact, if you Google "Susan Felber" right now, the first thing that comes up is a Dr. Susan Felber. This completely confirms my suspicions and fans my guilt: there is no doubt in my mind that if I hadn't turned to "Susie" I would now be an M.D.
Then again, the upside is that you don't need insurance to see me.
So without further a-dew...
Tomorrow night I'm doing my 2nd appearance at a little show in a cool lounge.
Tomorrow, Tuesday Nov. 30th
Jab @ Punch Lounge
913 Broadway btwn 20th and 21st, above Punch Restaurant.
Doors Open at 6.
No Cover
Comedy at 7:30.
This week's lineup: Mark Sam Rosenthal, Susie Felber, Sherry Davey, Kelli Dunham, and Rachel Feinstein. Hosted by Katie McCabe At 9, DJ David Handsome spins New Wave/Eclectic Pop/Electro Drink and Appetizer specials run all night. Includes $5 Apple Martinis and $7 Sesame Fried Calimari
This joint features buttery lighting, decor like 2001: A Space Odyssey's rumpus room and tempura stringbeans with garlicky dipping stuff that will make your nipples explode with delight.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Normal Like Me
[Note: I wrote this NY Times Lives parody about a year ago. I showed it to two people. I figured one day I'd truly clean it up and maybe submit it. I never did. I am very lazy. But after trudging to work this morning and finding Gawker pointing me to this lovely Media Bistro article by James Rarus who also shares my obsession with the Lives column, I decided to take my dusty, messy "Lives" column piece out of my computer and post it here, on my blog that nobody reads. All of the Lives articles cited in the following piece are 100% real.]
Normal Like Me
You would think having a life without tragedy,
discrimination or addiction would be a good thing, but
it almost destroyed my brother.
By Susie Felber
My brother and I grew up in Indiana playing stick ball
in sun-dappled wheat fields. Our family wasn't rich,
but we never wanted for anything. Our father kept
food on the table; our mother lovingly prepared it. I
picture her rosy-cheeked and smiling as she canned
peaches. At night our father would read to us in
front of a roaring fire.
At school my brother and I were popular enough. We
were both solid B students. Thanks to our country
upbringing, our health has always been pretty good.
In 1985 I had a plantar wart; in 1993 my brother had a
cavity filled. We finished college, moved to
Philadelphia and secured good jobs. Our lives passed
without incident. But for my brother, his happy
existence became a rather big problem.
In 1997, my brother first read the Lives column in
The Sunday New York Times magazine.
Lives is famous for its first-person stories -
heart-rending and inspiring tales of addiction, of
racism, of orphans, of war-torn peoples and a thousand
other handicaps and diseases. And it was this one page
that sowed in my brother the seed of what was to
become a dangerous obsession: he longed to be the
subject of the Lives column.
He tried desperately to find the angle that would help
him realize his dream. Each Sunday he would call me
breathless with the details of the latest column.
"Susie! Did you read "Silent Bond" in today's
magazine? It's about the deep though unspoken bond
the author will always have with his younger sister
whose transplanted stem cells cured him of PNH, a rare
disease! It's so inspiring!! Hey, if I can somehow
develop PNH, will you promise to donate some stem
cells and have a bond with me? Call me! Please!"
Sometimes he'd email me. "Sue, did you see the column
"Black Like Her?" It's about how the author learns to
be black and successful and yet worries if she'll ever
figure out how to be successful and black. It's even
better than the one they did called "Black Unlike Me",
about a white woman who adopts a black kid. It's not
as good as "Getting Under My Skin", about the kid who
had a black father and white mother. Nor is it as
touching as "Primary Colors", about the black woman
with a white husband who has mixed feelings about
their child. Point is, are you absolutely sure no one
in our family is black? Dad certainly seems to tan easily
without burning. Call me!"
In January 1999 my brother went from just thinking and
dreaming to acting his fantasy out. He had read a
column titled "Electroboy" about someone having
electroconvulsive therapy to treat his manic
depression. The call came just as it did every
Sunday.
"Hey Sue! Great news! I'm having electroshock therapy
tomorrow! I can't find a doctor who will diagnose me
with depression. But I'm going to plug in my toaster
and stick a fork in it. One favor, Sue? since I might
have severe burns on my hands, can you write the
column for me in the 'as told to' style?"
Saturday, September 15th, 2001 was possibly the worst
day of my brother's life. Only four days after the
horror of 9/11 - a city in mourning.
"Sue! Help me, I feel so helpless and sad!" he sobbed
into my answering machine.
It seemed 9/11 had gotten to him. I felt a brief
moment of joy. For if my brother had been snapped out
of his obsessive pursuit, maybe something good could
be found in that tragedy.
I picked up the phone. "Bro, I'm here for you. Talk
to me."
"Oh Sue! I don't see the point of going on!"
"It's OK," I said. "Everyone will heal eventually."
"No you don't understand," he said. "This week's
column had a story of a single migrant fruit picker
dad who adopts a Navajo boy with AIDS. "Awee" dies
sleeping on his chest. How can I top that? Even if I
could get, say, someone to give me an HIV positive
Eskimo kid, how can I top being a migrant fruit
picker?"
I was sure he was putting me on. An article by a
migrant fruit picker who adopts an HIV positive Native
American? I told him he had to be kidding. In any
case, as it was a Saturday, how could he have gotten
the magazine?
He told me had quit his job and moved to Manhattan.
This way he could get the Times a day earlier. And
yes, the article was real.
I told him to give up his absurd desire to be the
subject of a hard-luck story. Why didn't he write a
mildly amusing Lives column instead? "Sue, they only
publish about one of those mildly amusing Lives
columns a year," he said. "And they're always by a
known mildly amusing author, such as Nora Ephron or
Calvin Trillin. If you are an unknown writer, the
only way to break in is through something tragic yet
poignant."
Sadly, I saw his point.
After that my brother spiraled out of control. When
the column was full of people who had witnessed bloodshed and war,
he joined the Marines. But during the medical exam,
they discovered his ability to play the saxophone.
They put him in the USO, far from any blood.
When he read "Reckless Entanglement", about a writer's
relationship to his drug and alcohol-addicted brother,
he begged me to write an essay about his chocoholism.
Last year, when he read "Egyptian Like Me", he told
our parents they had ruined his life by not being
Egyptian. Then he read about a woman with a bulimic
father and cursed our dad for not, "effectively
controlling his weight in a way that might benefit his
dreams."
He tried being gay, contracting AIDS and adopting a
kid, all to no avail. He read one column by a man shot
by fellow hunter and implored anyone he met to shoot
him.
And then, tragically, after reading two columns about
the challenges of being blind, he gouged his own eyes
out.
My brother finally had a real disability. And now he
seemed finally to be at peace. Not that he has achieved his dream.
But now, at least, he'll never be able to read the
New York Times Lives column ever again.
[Note: I wrote this NY Times Lives parody about a year ago. I showed it to two people. I figured one day I'd truly clean it up and maybe submit it. I never did. I am very lazy. But after trudging to work this morning and finding Gawker pointing me to this lovely Media Bistro article by James Rarus who also shares my obsession with the Lives column, I decided to take my dusty, messy "Lives" column piece out of my computer and post it here, on my blog that nobody reads. All of the Lives articles cited in the following piece are 100% real.]
Normal Like Me
You would think having a life without tragedy,
discrimination or addiction would be a good thing, but
it almost destroyed my brother.
By Susie Felber
My brother and I grew up in Indiana playing stick ball
in sun-dappled wheat fields. Our family wasn't rich,
but we never wanted for anything. Our father kept
food on the table; our mother lovingly prepared it. I
picture her rosy-cheeked and smiling as she canned
peaches. At night our father would read to us in
front of a roaring fire.
At school my brother and I were popular enough. We
were both solid B students. Thanks to our country
upbringing, our health has always been pretty good.
In 1985 I had a plantar wart; in 1993 my brother had a
cavity filled. We finished college, moved to
Philadelphia and secured good jobs. Our lives passed
without incident. But for my brother, his happy
existence became a rather big problem.
In 1997, my brother first read the Lives column in
The Sunday New York Times magazine.
Lives is famous for its first-person stories -
heart-rending and inspiring tales of addiction, of
racism, of orphans, of war-torn peoples and a thousand
other handicaps and diseases. And it was this one page
that sowed in my brother the seed of what was to
become a dangerous obsession: he longed to be the
subject of the Lives column.
He tried desperately to find the angle that would help
him realize his dream. Each Sunday he would call me
breathless with the details of the latest column.
"Susie! Did you read "Silent Bond" in today's
magazine? It's about the deep though unspoken bond
the author will always have with his younger sister
whose transplanted stem cells cured him of PNH, a rare
disease! It's so inspiring!! Hey, if I can somehow
develop PNH, will you promise to donate some stem
cells and have a bond with me? Call me! Please!"
Sometimes he'd email me. "Sue, did you see the column
"Black Like Her?" It's about how the author learns to
be black and successful and yet worries if she'll ever
figure out how to be successful and black. It's even
better than the one they did called "Black Unlike Me",
about a white woman who adopts a black kid. It's not
as good as "Getting Under My Skin", about the kid who
had a black father and white mother. Nor is it as
touching as "Primary Colors", about the black woman
with a white husband who has mixed feelings about
their child. Point is, are you absolutely sure no one
in our family is black? Dad certainly seems to tan easily
without burning. Call me!"
In January 1999 my brother went from just thinking and
dreaming to acting his fantasy out. He had read a
column titled "Electroboy" about someone having
electroconvulsive therapy to treat his manic
depression. The call came just as it did every
Sunday.
"Hey Sue! Great news! I'm having electroshock therapy
tomorrow! I can't find a doctor who will diagnose me
with depression. But I'm going to plug in my toaster
and stick a fork in it. One favor, Sue? since I might
have severe burns on my hands, can you write the
column for me in the 'as told to' style?"
Saturday, September 15th, 2001 was possibly the worst
day of my brother's life. Only four days after the
horror of 9/11 - a city in mourning.
"Sue! Help me, I feel so helpless and sad!" he sobbed
into my answering machine.
It seemed 9/11 had gotten to him. I felt a brief
moment of joy. For if my brother had been snapped out
of his obsessive pursuit, maybe something good could
be found in that tragedy.
I picked up the phone. "Bro, I'm here for you. Talk
to me."
"Oh Sue! I don't see the point of going on!"
"It's OK," I said. "Everyone will heal eventually."
"No you don't understand," he said. "This week's
column had a story of a single migrant fruit picker
dad who adopts a Navajo boy with AIDS. "Awee" dies
sleeping on his chest. How can I top that? Even if I
could get, say, someone to give me an HIV positive
Eskimo kid, how can I top being a migrant fruit
picker?"
I was sure he was putting me on. An article by a
migrant fruit picker who adopts an HIV positive Native
American? I told him he had to be kidding. In any
case, as it was a Saturday, how could he have gotten
the magazine?
He told me had quit his job and moved to Manhattan.
This way he could get the Times a day earlier. And
yes, the article was real.
I told him to give up his absurd desire to be the
subject of a hard-luck story. Why didn't he write a
mildly amusing Lives column instead? "Sue, they only
publish about one of those mildly amusing Lives
columns a year," he said. "And they're always by a
known mildly amusing author, such as Nora Ephron or
Calvin Trillin. If you are an unknown writer, the
only way to break in is through something tragic yet
poignant."
Sadly, I saw his point.
After that my brother spiraled out of control. When
the column was full of people who had witnessed bloodshed and war,
he joined the Marines. But during the medical exam,
they discovered his ability to play the saxophone.
They put him in the USO, far from any blood.
When he read "Reckless Entanglement", about a writer's
relationship to his drug and alcohol-addicted brother,
he begged me to write an essay about his chocoholism.
Last year, when he read "Egyptian Like Me", he told
our parents they had ruined his life by not being
Egyptian. Then he read about a woman with a bulimic
father and cursed our dad for not, "effectively
controlling his weight in a way that might benefit his
dreams."
He tried being gay, contracting AIDS and adopting a
kid, all to no avail. He read one column by a man shot
by fellow hunter and implored anyone he met to shoot
him.
And then, tragically, after reading two columns about
the challenges of being blind, he gouged his own eyes
out.
My brother finally had a real disability. And now he
seemed finally to be at peace. Not that he has achieved his dream.
But now, at least, he'll never be able to read the
New York Times Lives column ever again.
Friday, November 19, 2004
Flogging my wares
Tonight I'm hosting a little comedy show.
Jack Dempsey's
36 W 33rd Street
b/w 5th and 6th aves
NY, NY
8pm
Yes, it's less than 2 hours from now! All I can plead is that I've been so busy, I haven't even had time to hawk myself.
Why I've been so busy, I haven't even had time to spell check myself!
See the comment I received the other day regarding my previous post:
btw, a warewolf is a person who gets bitten at a flea market or at a mall.
A werewolf on the other hand is a person who gets bit by a werewolf.
Dang hecklers.
I'm telling you, they're everyware.
Tonight I'm hosting a little comedy show.
Jack Dempsey's
36 W 33rd Street
b/w 5th and 6th aves
NY, NY
8pm
Yes, it's less than 2 hours from now! All I can plead is that I've been so busy, I haven't even had time to hawk myself.
Why I've been so busy, I haven't even had time to spell check myself!
See the comment I received the other day regarding my previous post:
btw, a warewolf is a person who gets bitten at a flea market or at a mall.
A werewolf on the other hand is a person who gets bit by a werewolf.
Dang hecklers.
I'm telling you, they're everyware.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Detour
I'm just back from the UK and I seem to have what-might-be-entertaining-to-relate-on-a-blog lag.
So why not:
Read about my friend who was recently bitten by a warewolf?
Or spend a few minutes watching me in the new & exciting trailer for the star-studded movie First Time Caller?
Or worry your neighbors by filling your backyard with birdhouses made to look like old fashioned crappers?
Have a pleasant journey!
I'm just back from the UK and I seem to have what-might-be-entertaining-to-relate-on-a-blog lag.
So why not:
Read about my friend who was recently bitten by a warewolf?
Or spend a few minutes watching me in the new & exciting trailer for the star-studded movie First Time Caller?
Or worry your neighbors by filling your backyard with birdhouses made to look like old fashioned crappers?
Have a pleasant journey!
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Wednesday night, come on down to a hot and tiny comedy show in the West Village.
Here's a show I'm doing that's so good, there is no doubt that it'll be almost as entertaining as The Infinite Cate Project.
Susie Felber, Sara Polon, and Amber Tozer present:
Happy Perineum Comedy: Very Small. Very Funny. Surprisingly Sexy.
Featuring very impressive guests, in a very intimate setting.
Wednesday, October 6th @ 8:00 p.m.
Where: Jack's -- 136 West 10th Street, between Greenwich Avenue and Waverly Place
Nearest Subway: A/C/E/F/V to West 4th Street or 1/9 to Christopher Street
Cost: $5 and one little coffee-type drink
Wednesday's guest comedians are some of NY's finest: Rusty Ward, Alison Castillo & Ophira Eisenberg.
Here's a show I'm doing that's so good, there is no doubt that it'll be almost as entertaining as The Infinite Cate Project.
Susie Felber, Sara Polon, and Amber Tozer present:
Happy Perineum Comedy: Very Small. Very Funny. Surprisingly Sexy.
Featuring very impressive guests, in a very intimate setting.
Wednesday, October 6th @ 8:00 p.m.
Where: Jack's -- 136 West 10th Street, between Greenwich Avenue and Waverly Place
Nearest Subway: A/C/E/F/V to West 4th Street or 1/9 to Christopher Street
Cost: $5 and one little coffee-type drink
Wednesday's guest comedians are some of NY's finest: Rusty Ward, Alison Castillo & Ophira Eisenberg.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Felber tonight
Better late than never, right?
I'm doing a set tonight, so see me, hear me, touch me, feel me*
When: 7:30
Where: Punch Lounge, 913 Broadway between 20th and 21st.
The lounge is above the restaurant.
The entrance is right next to the main one.
Price: No cover
Great drink specials and an awesome New Wave/Electro DJ after the show.
*Offer to touch and feel me may expire without notice.
Better late than never, right?
I'm doing a set tonight, so see me, hear me, touch me, feel me*
When: 7:30
Where: Punch Lounge, 913 Broadway between 20th and 21st.
The lounge is above the restaurant.
The entrance is right next to the main one.
Price: No cover
Great drink specials and an awesome New Wave/Electro DJ after the show.
*Offer to touch and feel me may expire without notice.
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Casting Breakdown
I currently have a full time gig and I do comedy at night. Heck I'm doing a tiny show in the West Village tonight(full plugola below).
Gone are the heady days when I ran to casting appointments for the likes of Wendy's, but even though I'm no longer auditioning for stuff, I’m still obessed with the day-old casting breakdowns I receive from a source who shall remain anonymous.
I have my own breakdown everytime I cast an eyeball on them, because I always suspected commercials only want beautiful women and hideous/hilarious men. Having the casting breakdowns in front of me is worse, because it validates my paranoia by laying out the ad industry's bias in black and white.
Many of the funny dudes you see in commercials are good friends of mine. I love that these really talented boys can support their art by making buckets of money doing very little work.
But I'm also permapissed that commercials are practically not an option for the interesting funny women I know in comedy. That's why everytime I see another “wacky dork guy embarrasses himself in front of hot chick who has no sense of humor” commercial, I start foaming at the mouth.
Now here's a special treat! Enjoy REAL highlights from 9/21’s casting breakdown. I have redacted the contact information, but everything else is completely legit.
The first is for the lead in a Citibank commercial. They are looking for... drumroll... yet another ugly-ass dude:
CHARACTER BREAKDOWN:
[MALE] Caucasian, early 30's-mid 40's, a little offbeat and quirky, yet real. Needs to be able to do natural comedy. Ultimately, would love someone with a comb-over; will take someone who is balding, but with enough hair to build a comb-over, if necessary.
OK, I could show you all the many casting opportunities for hot women and dork men, but I've already grown weary of my bitching about the rampant sexism in commercials. I'm annoying even myself.
So, on a completely different tack, some casting notices can be funny themselves. Enjoy this Vincent-Gallo-with-a make-over-is-affable-leading-man-material.
HELZBERG DIAMONDS - Commercial
SAG COMMERCIAL
Conflicts: Jewelry
Director: Jelle Gerlings
Shoots: Oct. 5, 6, 7
Location: NY
Run: Spot, with Chicago as a major. Also runs on cable.
PLEASE SEND PICTURES/RESUMES TO:
[redacted!]
SEEKING:
[LEAD HERO GUY] Contemporary, modern, handsome man with presence who looks 35. Very sure of himself yet affable. Prototypes: John Cusack, Ron Livingston, young George Clooney, Vincent Gallo if he had just left the
barber shop. There will aso be print for this role. We should see scale folks and above.
[LEAD FEMALE HERO GIRL] 28-32 looking. She is sophisticated and beautiful with character and a compelling presence. She's more than just a beautiful woman. We should see scale folks and above.
[FEMALE SALESPERSON] Sells the Helzberg Gift Box to the lead guy. Hip and good-looking with a streetwise
edge. Good hands a plus. Scale.
[BARBER] Older character guy with an interesting Avedon-esque face. Scale.
[MOTHER] A natural beauty in her fifties. Scale.
[STREET MUSICIAN] Male, any age, natural beauty, interesting, compelling face. Should play saxophone or
trumpet. Example: Carl Hancock Rux. Scale.
OR, as a parting gift, enjoy the celebrity shortlist put together for a space exploration PSA.
Non-profit PSA which will promote space exploration, space education & science education.
CASTING DIRECTOR: [redacted]
Director: [redacted]
Contact: Dr. [redacted], Chief Science Advisor, X-Prize Foundation
Location: Flexible - will book recording studio near talent.
Date: Between 9.21-23 (1 hour)
Rate: Payment + Extras
We have a real space launch on the 29th of Sep so our time is extremely short to record a talent voice-over for a PSA that will show at this historical event. Need only 1 hour of time to record 1 minute of narration, will work with your schedule. X-Prize Foundation can pay a nominal fee to record the talent, offers VIP invitations to talent and their representation to attend the September and/or October launches of Paul Allen’s private sub-orbital spacecraft. As an added bonus, we also offer Talent a novel experience once reserved only for Astronauts -a flight in Zero-G airplane. Where talent will experience what it is to float in outer space for about 10 minutes.
Will Accept Actor Notes: yes Roles-Descriptions: X-Prize Foundation seeks a celebrity talent to narrate a PSA that will be shown during the historical launches to win the X-PRIZE. The first launch, will take place on Sept 29, 2004. This is a real space launch, not a TV show. This event is on par with the flight of Charles Lindberg and will be seen by over a billion people world wide.
17
This PSA will be shown at the upcoming X-Prize sub-orbital space ship launch at Mohave on Sept 29, 2004, and then distributed to 500 -1000 media outlets which will attend this launch. Over a billion people will see the launch
(live and recorded).
The space craft was tested on June 21, 2004 with a single pilot. The next flights will take 3 people, which are required to win the X-PRIZE. These launches will mark the beginning of space flight for the general public. XPrize seeks a celebrity with the skills to meet the excitement of these historical space launches.
Example of talent we are seeking to represent this and the future X-Prize Cup event are as follows:
Angelina Jolie
Gwyneth Paltrow
Jennifer Garner
Cameron Diaz
Sharon Stone
Christine Baranski
Halle Berry
Ellen Degeneres
Julia Roberts
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Tom Hanks
Harrison Ford
Tom Cruise
Nicolas Cage
Leonardo DiCaprio
John Goodman
Mike Myers
Sean Connery
Ewan McGregor
Bruce Willis
Jude Law
Brad Pit
Colin Farrell
Anthony Hopkins
Samuel L Jackson
Matt Damon
Liam Neeson
PLEASE CONTACT DR. XXX ASAP XXX TO SUBMIT.
There's "payment + extras" offered. What could those extras be? Launching Ellen so she can finally meet her ex-girlfriends family? OK, that was a stretch. I'm busy right now, give me a break on my lack of funny.
Anyway, who would *you* cast to represent space? Sharon Stone seems a natural to me...
See you tonight at Jack's?
Tonight come on down to a wet and wild, hot and tiny comedy show in the West Village.
Susie Felber, Sara Polon, and Amber Tozer present:
Happy Perineum Comedy: Very Small. Very Funny. Surprisingly Sexy.
Featuring very impressive guests, in a very intimate setting.
TONIGHT
Wednesday, September 22th @ 8:00 p.m.
Where: Jack's -- 136 West 10th Street, between Greenwich Avenue and Waverly Place, (212) 929-0821Nearest Subway: A/C/E/F/V to West 4th Street or 1/9 to Christopher Street
Cost: $5 and one coffee-type drinkNote: The venue has a maximum capacity of 27 people.
Tonight features guest comedian action from NY's finest: Rena Zager, Chris Jurek and Paul Sullivan
I currently have a full time gig and I do comedy at night. Heck I'm doing a tiny show in the West Village tonight(full plugola below).
Gone are the heady days when I ran to casting appointments for the likes of Wendy's, but even though I'm no longer auditioning for stuff, I’m still obessed with the day-old casting breakdowns I receive from a source who shall remain anonymous.
I have my own breakdown everytime I cast an eyeball on them, because I always suspected commercials only want beautiful women and hideous/hilarious men. Having the casting breakdowns in front of me is worse, because it validates my paranoia by laying out the ad industry's bias in black and white.
Many of the funny dudes you see in commercials are good friends of mine. I love that these really talented boys can support their art by making buckets of money doing very little work.
But I'm also permapissed that commercials are practically not an option for the interesting funny women I know in comedy. That's why everytime I see another “wacky dork guy embarrasses himself in front of hot chick who has no sense of humor” commercial, I start foaming at the mouth.
Now here's a special treat! Enjoy REAL highlights from 9/21’s casting breakdown. I have redacted the contact information, but everything else is completely legit.
The first is for the lead in a Citibank commercial. They are looking for... drumroll... yet another ugly-ass dude:
CHARACTER BREAKDOWN:
[MALE] Caucasian, early 30's-mid 40's, a little offbeat and quirky, yet real. Needs to be able to do natural comedy. Ultimately, would love someone with a comb-over; will take someone who is balding, but with enough hair to build a comb-over, if necessary.
OK, I could show you all the many casting opportunities for hot women and dork men, but I've already grown weary of my bitching about the rampant sexism in commercials. I'm annoying even myself.
So, on a completely different tack, some casting notices can be funny themselves. Enjoy this Vincent-Gallo-with-a make-over-is-affable-leading-man-material.
HELZBERG DIAMONDS - Commercial
SAG COMMERCIAL
Conflicts: Jewelry
Director: Jelle Gerlings
Shoots: Oct. 5, 6, 7
Location: NY
Run: Spot, with Chicago as a major. Also runs on cable.
PLEASE SEND PICTURES/RESUMES TO:
[redacted!]
SEEKING:
[LEAD HERO GUY] Contemporary, modern, handsome man with presence who looks 35. Very sure of himself yet affable. Prototypes: John Cusack, Ron Livingston, young George Clooney, Vincent Gallo if he had just left the
barber shop. There will aso be print for this role. We should see scale folks and above.
[LEAD FEMALE HERO GIRL] 28-32 looking. She is sophisticated and beautiful with character and a compelling presence. She's more than just a beautiful woman. We should see scale folks and above.
[FEMALE SALESPERSON] Sells the Helzberg Gift Box to the lead guy. Hip and good-looking with a streetwise
edge. Good hands a plus. Scale.
[BARBER] Older character guy with an interesting Avedon-esque face. Scale.
[MOTHER] A natural beauty in her fifties. Scale.
[STREET MUSICIAN] Male, any age, natural beauty, interesting, compelling face. Should play saxophone or
trumpet. Example: Carl Hancock Rux. Scale.
OR, as a parting gift, enjoy the celebrity shortlist put together for a space exploration PSA.
Non-profit PSA which will promote space exploration, space education & science education.
CASTING DIRECTOR: [redacted]
Director: [redacted]
Contact: Dr. [redacted], Chief Science Advisor, X-Prize Foundation
Location: Flexible - will book recording studio near talent.
Date: Between 9.21-23 (1 hour)
Rate: Payment + Extras
We have a real space launch on the 29th of Sep so our time is extremely short to record a talent voice-over for a PSA that will show at this historical event. Need only 1 hour of time to record 1 minute of narration, will work with your schedule. X-Prize Foundation can pay a nominal fee to record the talent, offers VIP invitations to talent and their representation to attend the September and/or October launches of Paul Allen’s private sub-orbital spacecraft. As an added bonus, we also offer Talent a novel experience once reserved only for Astronauts -a flight in Zero-G airplane. Where talent will experience what it is to float in outer space for about 10 minutes.
Will Accept Actor Notes: yes Roles-Descriptions: X-Prize Foundation seeks a celebrity talent to narrate a PSA that will be shown during the historical launches to win the X-PRIZE. The first launch, will take place on Sept 29, 2004. This is a real space launch, not a TV show. This event is on par with the flight of Charles Lindberg and will be seen by over a billion people world wide.
17
This PSA will be shown at the upcoming X-Prize sub-orbital space ship launch at Mohave on Sept 29, 2004, and then distributed to 500 -1000 media outlets which will attend this launch. Over a billion people will see the launch
(live and recorded).
The space craft was tested on June 21, 2004 with a single pilot. The next flights will take 3 people, which are required to win the X-PRIZE. These launches will mark the beginning of space flight for the general public. XPrize seeks a celebrity with the skills to meet the excitement of these historical space launches.
Example of talent we are seeking to represent this and the future X-Prize Cup event are as follows:
Angelina Jolie
Gwyneth Paltrow
Jennifer Garner
Cameron Diaz
Sharon Stone
Christine Baranski
Halle Berry
Ellen Degeneres
Julia Roberts
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Tom Hanks
Harrison Ford
Tom Cruise
Nicolas Cage
Leonardo DiCaprio
John Goodman
Mike Myers
Sean Connery
Ewan McGregor
Bruce Willis
Jude Law
Brad Pit
Colin Farrell
Anthony Hopkins
Samuel L Jackson
Matt Damon
Liam Neeson
PLEASE CONTACT DR. XXX ASAP XXX TO SUBMIT.
There's "payment + extras" offered. What could those extras be? Launching Ellen so she can finally meet her ex-girlfriends family? OK, that was a stretch. I'm busy right now, give me a break on my lack of funny.
Anyway, who would *you* cast to represent space? Sharon Stone seems a natural to me...
See you tonight at Jack's?
Tonight come on down to a wet and wild, hot and tiny comedy show in the West Village.
Susie Felber, Sara Polon, and Amber Tozer present:
Happy Perineum Comedy: Very Small. Very Funny. Surprisingly Sexy.
Featuring very impressive guests, in a very intimate setting.
TONIGHT
Wednesday, September 22th @ 8:00 p.m.
Where: Jack's -- 136 West 10th Street, between Greenwich Avenue and Waverly Place, (212) 929-0821Nearest Subway: A/C/E/F/V to West 4th Street or 1/9 to Christopher Street
Cost: $5 and one coffee-type drinkNote: The venue has a maximum capacity of 27 people.
Tonight features guest comedian action from NY's finest: Rena Zager, Chris Jurek and Paul Sullivan
Saturday, September 18, 2004
Sunday Night Live -- Get Up, Stand Up
Tomorrow night I'm doing a little show in a lovely swank bar that features a great line-up. At 5 bucks, this is a steal.
Sunday, September 19th
Get Up, Stand Up @ The Flat Lounge
16 1st Ave.
(between 1st & 2nd)
East Village, NYC
Only $5!
Doors 8pm, Show 8:30pm
www.getupcomedy.com
Here's the stellar line up, hand selected by producer Angela Bowers:
HOST:
Bobby Tisdale - Cinema Classics "Invite Them Up", www.blackpeopleloveus.com
WITH:
Seth Herzog - PSNBC, Hamptons Comedy Festival, "Sweet" @ Slipper Room
Jordan Carlos - PSNBC, ECNY Nominee "Best Male Stand-Up 2004"
Susie Felber - US Weekly, "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien" sketch player
Becky Donahue - "Tough Crown w/Colin Quinn", "Eating It", PSNBC
Chelsea Peretti - VH1 Commentator, Touring Comedian
Tomorrow night I'm doing a little show in a lovely swank bar that features a great line-up. At 5 bucks, this is a steal.
Sunday, September 19th
Get Up, Stand Up @ The Flat Lounge
16 1st Ave.
(between 1st & 2nd)
East Village, NYC
Only $5!
Doors 8pm, Show 8:30pm
www.getupcomedy.com
Here's the stellar line up, hand selected by producer Angela Bowers:
HOST:
Bobby Tisdale - Cinema Classics "Invite Them Up", www.blackpeopleloveus.com
WITH:
Seth Herzog - PSNBC, Hamptons Comedy Festival, "Sweet" @ Slipper Room
Jordan Carlos - PSNBC, ECNY Nominee "Best Male Stand-Up 2004"
Susie Felber - US Weekly, "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien" sketch player
Becky Donahue - "Tough Crown w/Colin Quinn", "Eating It", PSNBC
Chelsea Peretti - VH1 Commentator, Touring Comedian
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Fight Tropical Depression
Tonight come on down to a wet and wild, hot and tiny comedy show in the West Village.
Susie Felber, Sara Polon, and Amber Tozer present:
Happy Perineum Comedy: Very Small. Very Funny. Surprisingly Sexy.
Featuring very impressive guests, in a very intimate setting.
TONIGHT
Wednesday, September 8th @ 8:00 p.m.
Where: Jack's -- 136 West 10th Street, between Greenwich Avenue and Waverly Place, (212) 929-0821Nearest Subway: A/C/E/F/V to West 4th Street or 1/9 to Christopher Street
Cost: $5 and one coffee-type drinkNote: The venue has a maximum capacity of 27 people.
Check out 9/8’s impressive guest comedian action!
Todd Levin – writer, comedian, co-producer of HTKP. Here’s Levin in the Onion.
Matt Goldich – Comedy Central Laugh Riots semi-finalist. Here’s his blog.
Tom McCaffery – Comedy Central’s Premium Blend. His Comedy Central profile.
Susie Felber contributes to US Weekly’s Fashion Police, recently appeared on MTV2’s “Not a Good Look” and has played a whore many times on Late Night w/ Conan O’Brien. She’s also written for written and/or appeared on things big and small (but mostly small) for Comedy Central, ABC, MTV, Lifetime, Oxygen and Court TV.
Sara Polon is a stand-up comedian who also produces the always sold out Charity Comedy Jams and has done sketch with quite a few groups, including “The Brothel”.
Amber Tozer performed in front of huge throngs for the Women’s Rights March in D.C. this year, her writing has appeared in The Onion and she’s currently “punching up scripts” for TV...rumor has it she beats the crap out of them.
Tonight come on down to a wet and wild, hot and tiny comedy show in the West Village.
Susie Felber, Sara Polon, and Amber Tozer present:
Happy Perineum Comedy: Very Small. Very Funny. Surprisingly Sexy.
Featuring very impressive guests, in a very intimate setting.
TONIGHT
Wednesday, September 8th @ 8:00 p.m.
Where: Jack's -- 136 West 10th Street, between Greenwich Avenue and Waverly Place, (212) 929-0821Nearest Subway: A/C/E/F/V to West 4th Street or 1/9 to Christopher Street
Cost: $5 and one coffee-type drinkNote: The venue has a maximum capacity of 27 people.
Check out 9/8’s impressive guest comedian action!
Todd Levin – writer, comedian, co-producer of HTKP. Here’s Levin in the Onion.
Matt Goldich – Comedy Central Laugh Riots semi-finalist. Here’s his blog.
Tom McCaffery – Comedy Central’s Premium Blend. His Comedy Central profile.
Susie Felber contributes to US Weekly’s Fashion Police, recently appeared on MTV2’s “Not a Good Look” and has played a whore many times on Late Night w/ Conan O’Brien. She’s also written for written and/or appeared on things big and small (but mostly small) for Comedy Central, ABC, MTV, Lifetime, Oxygen and Court TV.
Sara Polon is a stand-up comedian who also produces the always sold out Charity Comedy Jams and has done sketch with quite a few groups, including “The Brothel”.
Amber Tozer performed in front of huge throngs for the Women’s Rights March in D.C. this year, her writing has appeared in The Onion and she’s currently “punching up scripts” for TV...rumor has it she beats the crap out of them.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Republican Convention (Found) Poetry
This is an actual transcript of a conversation I overheard at around 6pm yesterday at a drug store on 3rd avenue and 41st street.
I call this poem:
What the woman behind me at Duane Reade said while talking on her cell phone.
If they want to
Fuckin'
Blow that fuckin' shit up,
I don't care.
I'm not
coming in.
I told them,
"I am not gettin' a fuckin' asthma or a panic attack."
I'm leaving
from tomorrow.
I'm takin'
a car
right after work.
I'm not
comin' back
till September 7th.
I'm not
coming into Manhattan.
No way.
I'm going
to the Bronx.
(Spanish word, Spanish word, Spanish word)
They can fire my ass.
This is an actual transcript of a conversation I overheard at around 6pm yesterday at a drug store on 3rd avenue and 41st street.
I call this poem:
What the woman behind me at Duane Reade said while talking on her cell phone.
If they want to
Fuckin'
Blow that fuckin' shit up,
I don't care.
I'm not
coming in.
I told them,
"I am not gettin' a fuckin' asthma or a panic attack."
I'm leaving
from tomorrow.
I'm takin'
a car
right after work.
I'm not
comin' back
till September 7th.
I'm not
coming into Manhattan.
No way.
I'm going
to the Bronx.
(Spanish word, Spanish word, Spanish word)
They can fire my ass.
***
PS See below for info on the Red Cross Benefit I'm performing in tonight and my other upcoming shows.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Summer Reruns
It's hotter than a clam's crotch out there today. You can actually see the smell lines coming up from the pavement. Sorry but as I'm currently off sunning myself in an air-conditioned office, I can't be bothered to be clever.
Instead, here's a re-listing of jazzy upcoming shows I'm doing where I will be incredibly clever, Thor willing.
Felber Block
Modern Pentathalon & Rhythmic Gymnastics not your thing? Nip that Olympic malaise in the bud -- I'm doing comedy shows August 25th-28th that span the globe* and run the gamut.
Wednesday, August 25th
Susie Felber, Sara Polon, and Amber Tozer present --
Happy Perineum Comedy: Very Small. Very Funny. Surprisingly Sexy.
Featuring very impressive guests, in a very intimate setting.
First show: Wednesday, August 25th @ 8:00 p.m.
Cost: $5 and one coffee-type drink
Where: Jack's --136 West 10th Street, between Greenwich Avenue and Waverly Place, (212) 929-0821
Nearest Subway: A/C/E/F/V to West 4th Street or 1/9 to Christopher Street
Check out the impressive guest comedian action!
Jen Kerwin, Becky Donahue, Eric Kirchberger
Note: The venue has a maximum capacity of 27 people. It's either going to be exclusive as hell or funny-because-it's-pathetic. I hope it's a tasty melange of both.
Thursday, August 26th
Red Cross Benefit
Thursday, Aug. 26th @8:00 pm
Rascal's Comedy Club
(Rascals on the Hudson)
360 Marin Blvd Jersey City, New Jersey 07305
P: (201) 217-8900
Susie says: Sadly I have no idea how much tix are as of yet. I'm hosting and I've been told the audience will most likely be all firemen. Hot!
Update!
Tix are $10 and there's a 2 drink minimum.
All door money goes to the Red Cross; all drinks go down your throat.
Friday, August 27th
Sweet Paprika
Fri., August 27th @ 8:30pm
The Village Lantern167 Bleeker Street (@ Sullivan St.)
Featured comics:Dan Cronin, Bryan Olsen, and me, Susie Felber
Hosted by the powerhouse talents of Allison Castillo and Opheria Eisenberg, this is a big little show -- picked a best bet by Backstage Magazine.
Saturday, August 28th
Bold O'Donahue's
Sat., August 27th @ 9pm
East Rockaway
I have no idea how to get to this show or what it will be like... but I'm definitely booked to MC it. In fact, I'm not even sure of the name of the place. Details to come (I hope).
*A globe of the greater NY area
It's hotter than a clam's crotch out there today. You can actually see the smell lines coming up from the pavement. Sorry but as I'm currently off sunning myself in an air-conditioned office, I can't be bothered to be clever.
Instead, here's a re-listing of jazzy upcoming shows I'm doing where I will be incredibly clever, Thor willing.
Felber Block
Modern Pentathalon & Rhythmic Gymnastics not your thing? Nip that Olympic malaise in the bud -- I'm doing comedy shows August 25th-28th that span the globe* and run the gamut.
Wednesday, August 25th
Susie Felber, Sara Polon, and Amber Tozer present --
Happy Perineum Comedy: Very Small. Very Funny. Surprisingly Sexy.
Featuring very impressive guests, in a very intimate setting.
First show: Wednesday, August 25th @ 8:00 p.m.
Cost: $5 and one coffee-type drink
Where: Jack's --136 West 10th Street, between Greenwich Avenue and Waverly Place, (212) 929-0821
Nearest Subway: A/C/E/F/V to West 4th Street or 1/9 to Christopher Street
Check out the impressive guest comedian action!
Jen Kerwin, Becky Donahue, Eric Kirchberger
Note: The venue has a maximum capacity of 27 people. It's either going to be exclusive as hell or funny-because-it's-pathetic. I hope it's a tasty melange of both.
Thursday, August 26th
Red Cross Benefit
Thursday, Aug. 26th @8:00 pm
Rascal's Comedy Club
(Rascals on the Hudson)
360 Marin Blvd Jersey City, New Jersey 07305
P: (201) 217-8900
Susie says: Sadly I have no idea how much tix are as of yet. I'm hosting and I've been told the audience will most likely be all firemen. Hot!
Update!
Tix are $10 and there's a 2 drink minimum.
All door money goes to the Red Cross; all drinks go down your throat.
Friday, August 27th
Sweet Paprika
Fri., August 27th @ 8:30pm
The Village Lantern167 Bleeker Street (@ Sullivan St.)
Featured comics:Dan Cronin, Bryan Olsen, and me, Susie Felber
Hosted by the powerhouse talents of Allison Castillo and Opheria Eisenberg, this is a big little show -- picked a best bet by Backstage Magazine.
Saturday, August 28th
Bold O'Donahue's
Sat., August 27th @ 9pm
East Rockaway
I have no idea how to get to this show or what it will be like... but I'm definitely booked to MC it. In fact, I'm not even sure of the name of the place. Details to come (I hope).
*A globe of the greater NY area
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Dog (Walker) Eat Dog World
A woman in my nabe recently tried to sell me on her new dog walking service.
Along with her vitals (and a hot photo of her blissfully getting smooched by a pug and a large pooch) the colorful flyer stated that she was a "13-year vegetarian."
This is a selling point?
It's true that until that moment I had never worried that a dog walker might eat my dog.
But now, I guess I do.
There is little doubt that someone who hasn't had hard core protein in 13 years is the one most prone to snap and suddenly see my Stan at the end of the leash as a starving cartoon character might see him.
So no thanks, I'll pass.
A woman in my nabe recently tried to sell me on her new dog walking service.
Along with her vitals (and a hot photo of her blissfully getting smooched by a pug and a large pooch) the colorful flyer stated that she was a "13-year vegetarian."
This is a selling point?
It's true that until that moment I had never worried that a dog walker might eat my dog.
But now, I guess I do.
There is little doubt that someone who hasn't had hard core protein in 13 years is the one most prone to snap and suddenly see my Stan at the end of the leash as a starving cartoon character might see him.
So no thanks, I'll pass.
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Get Up, Stand Up
On Monday I'm doing a little show in a lovely swank bar that features a great line-up. At 5 bucks, this is a steal.
Monday, August 16th
Get Up, Stand Up
The Flat Lounge
16 1st Ave.
(between 1st & 2nd)
East Village, NYC
Only $5!
Doors 8pm, Show 8:30pm
Here's the ace line-up:
Host : Liam McEneaney (Premium Blend, Luna Lounge)
w/
Tom Shillue: (Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart)
Neal Brennan: (writer; Chappelle's Show, writer; "Half Baked")
Eddie Brill: (Late Show w/ David Letterman, Tough Crowd w/ Colin Quinn, Comedy Central Presents)
Jon Corbett: Comedy Central's Premium Blend
Becky Donahue: (Tough Crowd w/ Colin Quinn)
Craig Baldo: (Last Comic Standing, VH1 All Access, Premium Blend)
Susie Felber: ("First Time Caller", US Weekly)
This show is brought to you by Angela Bowers, Liam McEneaney & the letter M.
On Monday I'm doing a little show in a lovely swank bar that features a great line-up. At 5 bucks, this is a steal.
Monday, August 16th
Get Up, Stand Up
The Flat Lounge
16 1st Ave.
(between 1st & 2nd)
East Village, NYC
Only $5!
Doors 8pm, Show 8:30pm
Here's the ace line-up:
Host : Liam McEneaney (Premium Blend, Luna Lounge)
w/
Tom Shillue: (Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart)
Neal Brennan: (writer; Chappelle's Show, writer; "Half Baked")
Eddie Brill: (Late Show w/ David Letterman, Tough Crowd w/ Colin Quinn, Comedy Central Presents)
Jon Corbett: Comedy Central's Premium Blend
Becky Donahue: (Tough Crowd w/ Colin Quinn)
Craig Baldo: (Last Comic Standing, VH1 All Access, Premium Blend)
Susie Felber: ("First Time Caller", US Weekly)
This show is brought to you by Angela Bowers, Liam McEneaney & the letter M.
Monday, August 09, 2004
Felber Block
Modern Pentathalon & Rhythmic Gymnastics not your thing? Nip that Olympic malaise in the bud -- I'm doing comedy shows August 25th-28th that span the globe* and run the gamut.
Wednesday, August 25th
Susie Felber, Sara Polon, and Amber Tozer present:
Happy Perineum Comedy: Very Small. Very Funny. Surprisingly Sexy.
Featuring very impressive guests, in a very intimate setting.
First show: Wednesday, August 25th @ 8:00 p.m.
Cost: $5 and one coffee-type drink
Where: Jack's --136 West 10th Street, between Greenwich Avenue and Waverly Place, (212) 929-0821
Nearest Subway: A/C/E/F/V to West 4th Street or 1/9 to Christopher Street
Note: The venue has a maximum capacity of 27 people. It's either going to be exclusive as hell or funny-because-it's-pathetic. I hope it's a tasty melange of both.
Thursday, August 26th
Red Cross Benefit
Thursday, Aug. 26th @8:00 pm
Rascal's Comedy Club
(Rascals on the Hudson)
360 Marin Blvd
Jersey City, New Jersey 07305
(201) 217-8900
Susie says: Sadly I have no idea how much tix are as of yet. I'm hosting and I've been told the audience will most likely be all firemen. Hot!
Friday, August 27th
Sweet Paprika
Fri., August 27th @ 8:30pm
The Village Lantern
167 Bleeker Street (@ Sullivan St.)
Featured comics:
Dan Cronin
Bryan Olsen
And me, Susie Felber
Hosted by the powerhouse talents of Allison Castillo and Opheria Eisenberg, this is a big little show -- picked a best bet by Backstage Magazine.
Saturday, August 28th
Bold O'Donahue's
Sat., August 27th @ 9pm
East Rockaway
I have no idea how to get to this show or what it will be like... but I'm definitely booked to do it. In fact, I'm not even sure of the name of the place. Details to come (I hope).
*A globe of the greater NY area
Modern Pentathalon & Rhythmic Gymnastics not your thing? Nip that Olympic malaise in the bud -- I'm doing comedy shows August 25th-28th that span the globe* and run the gamut.
Wednesday, August 25th
Susie Felber, Sara Polon, and Amber Tozer present:
Happy Perineum Comedy: Very Small. Very Funny. Surprisingly Sexy.
Featuring very impressive guests, in a very intimate setting.
First show: Wednesday, August 25th @ 8:00 p.m.
Cost: $5 and one coffee-type drink
Where: Jack's --136 West 10th Street, between Greenwich Avenue and Waverly Place, (212) 929-0821
Nearest Subway: A/C/E/F/V to West 4th Street or 1/9 to Christopher Street
Note: The venue has a maximum capacity of 27 people. It's either going to be exclusive as hell or funny-because-it's-pathetic. I hope it's a tasty melange of both.
Thursday, August 26th
Red Cross Benefit
Thursday, Aug. 26th @8:00 pm
Rascal's Comedy Club
(Rascals on the Hudson)
360 Marin Blvd
Jersey City, New Jersey 07305
(201) 217-8900
Susie says: Sadly I have no idea how much tix are as of yet. I'm hosting and I've been told the audience will most likely be all firemen. Hot!
Friday, August 27th
Sweet Paprika
Fri., August 27th @ 8:30pm
The Village Lantern
167 Bleeker Street (@ Sullivan St.)
Featured comics:
Dan Cronin
Bryan Olsen
And me, Susie Felber
Hosted by the powerhouse talents of Allison Castillo and Opheria Eisenberg, this is a big little show -- picked a best bet by Backstage Magazine.
Saturday, August 28th
Bold O'Donahue's
Sat., August 27th @ 9pm
East Rockaway
I have no idea how to get to this show or what it will be like... but I'm definitely booked to do it. In fact, I'm not even sure of the name of the place. Details to come (I hope).
*A globe of the greater NY area
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
I'm not dead, I'm doing gigs on Long Island
OK, so maybe this is a sort of death, but I have actually found doing shows on Long Island can really be quite exciting.
First there's the fear. I don't just have issues with Long Island -- I have a whole subscription.
I grew up on Long Island. It's the only place that still scares the poop out of me. Since I conquered stage fright way back when dinos ruled the land, but I'd sooner put poisonous snakes in my panties than face the past, Long Island really delivers a potent cocktail of white hot fear. Iraq might be no picnic, but have you ever been deployed to Islip? I didn't think so. Performing on the soil of my ancestral homeland is the only way to really up the stakes.
Then there's the pay. Shows in the sticks (read: anywhere outside of Manhattan), actually pay you. That's not why I perform, but it's nice.
Then there's the people. For the most part, they like me. Each time I hit the L.I.E. I expect my mind-numbingly awful Jr. High experience to be repeated and I brace for it. Doing these shows is like getting in a time-machine, going back and finding that magically everything on Long Island has changed for the better. How is this possible? Did someone tinker with the space/time continuum, severely altering everything in the future? Yes. Go back a whole bunch of years and you'll see: I sneakily picked myself up a wheelbarrow full of confidence, and it changed Long Island forever.
Tonight I'll be performing at The Rare Olive Lounge in Huntington. If anyone who reads this actually shows up, I will buy you a drink and an elk. That's my promise. Free drink/ free elk. Hell, I'll even throw in a year's supply of colored plastic wrap to jazz up your leftovers if you actually show up. See you there!
OK, so maybe this is a sort of death, but I have actually found doing shows on Long Island can really be quite exciting.
First there's the fear. I don't just have issues with Long Island -- I have a whole subscription.
I grew up on Long Island. It's the only place that still scares the poop out of me. Since I conquered stage fright way back when dinos ruled the land, but I'd sooner put poisonous snakes in my panties than face the past, Long Island really delivers a potent cocktail of white hot fear. Iraq might be no picnic, but have you ever been deployed to Islip? I didn't think so. Performing on the soil of my ancestral homeland is the only way to really up the stakes.
Then there's the pay. Shows in the sticks (read: anywhere outside of Manhattan), actually pay you. That's not why I perform, but it's nice.
Then there's the people. For the most part, they like me. Each time I hit the L.I.E. I expect my mind-numbingly awful Jr. High experience to be repeated and I brace for it. Doing these shows is like getting in a time-machine, going back and finding that magically everything on Long Island has changed for the better. How is this possible? Did someone tinker with the space/time continuum, severely altering everything in the future? Yes. Go back a whole bunch of years and you'll see: I sneakily picked myself up a wheelbarrow full of confidence, and it changed Long Island forever.
Tonight I'll be performing at The Rare Olive Lounge in Huntington. If anyone who reads this actually shows up, I will buy you a drink and an elk. That's my promise. Free drink/ free elk. Hell, I'll even throw in a year's supply of colored plastic wrap to jazz up your leftovers if you actually show up. See you there!
Monday, June 14, 2004
I'm not dead, I'm in US Weekly
Once again you can see me and my hilarious comments on page 106-107 of US Weekly in this week's Fashion Police.
Also in the same issue, notice that Britney Spears is 22 years old on page 44, and then 23 years old on page 50.
The camera may add 10 pounds, but the column inches sure can pack on the years...
This issue is brilliant and not only has the skinny on J-Lo's suspected shotgun wedding, but it also has:
Info on Julia Roberts and her twins-to-be and then info and pics from Julia's husband's pregnant ex.
Courtney Cox and her pregnancy
The first sigthing of Helen Hunt and her baby w/stars bring their spawn to school.
A 2-page feature on Denise Richerds entitled, "How I Lost the Baby Weight" followed by a feature on "More Mommy Makeovers"
A little piece called "Battle of the Celebrity Strollers" featuring Kate Hudson and Gwyneth
Pics of Angelina Jolie romping in a bikini with her baby and an exclusive on her plans to adopt another baby
A bit piece called "Hank Azaria Honors Gwyneth's baby"
And more baby news including, 5,000 pictures of Lindsay Lohan (zing!)
"Oh, now I get it" credit goes to Gawker for pointing me to this little item.
Once again you can see me and my hilarious comments on page 106-107 of US Weekly in this week's Fashion Police.
Also in the same issue, notice that Britney Spears is 22 years old on page 44, and then 23 years old on page 50.
The camera may add 10 pounds, but the column inches sure can pack on the years...
This issue is brilliant and not only has the skinny on J-Lo's suspected shotgun wedding, but it also has:
Info on Julia Roberts and her twins-to-be and then info and pics from Julia's husband's pregnant ex.
Courtney Cox and her pregnancy
The first sigthing of Helen Hunt and her baby w/stars bring their spawn to school.
A 2-page feature on Denise Richerds entitled, "How I Lost the Baby Weight" followed by a feature on "More Mommy Makeovers"
A little piece called "Battle of the Celebrity Strollers" featuring Kate Hudson and Gwyneth
Pics of Angelina Jolie romping in a bikini with her baby and an exclusive on her plans to adopt another baby
A bit piece called "Hank Azaria Honors Gwyneth's baby"
And more baby news including, 5,000 pictures of Lindsay Lohan (zing!)
"Oh, now I get it" credit goes to Gawker for pointing me to this little item.
Monday, May 03, 2004
File it under: Someday I hope to be this funny
Listen to the songs of Sam and you too can know true joy.
Listen to the songs of Sam and you too can know true joy.
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Coq au Vin
I don't just want to hawk a show I'm doing this Sunday becuase that would make today's entry way too spamy. So I'll tell you two interesting tidbits first:
I performed for thousands of people last weekend in DC. I hung with members of Congress, met a very nice former member of SNL (one I had always had a wee little comedy groupie crush on), and partied down at the house of an infamous former president's wife's brother. Why do I put it that way? It is so the poor sap isn't associated with me via a Google search... that couldn't be good for either of us.
In other news, the BBC has just announced they are adding even more breakthrough programming to their line-up - cool!
Now on to the spam-a-riffic info on how to see me in a big little show:
"Friends and Family"
Sunday, May 2nd @8pm
Beauty Bar
231 E. 14th Street, between 2nd & 3rd Aves.
FREE
Hosted by Josh Haness, this fun show with mod stage also features the comic stylings of Matt Gitlin, Seth Morris and me, Susie Felber.
PS You might've noticed this post has nothing to do with coq au vin. I noticed that too. Freakin' weird, right? It must be a Blogger bug because I always write pithy titles.
I don't just want to hawk a show I'm doing this Sunday becuase that would make today's entry way too spamy. So I'll tell you two interesting tidbits first:
I performed for thousands of people last weekend in DC. I hung with members of Congress, met a very nice former member of SNL (one I had always had a wee little comedy groupie crush on), and partied down at the house of an infamous former president's wife's brother. Why do I put it that way? It is so the poor sap isn't associated with me via a Google search... that couldn't be good for either of us.
In other news, the BBC has just announced they are adding even more breakthrough programming to their line-up - cool!
Now on to the spam-a-riffic info on how to see me in a big little show:
"Friends and Family"
Sunday, May 2nd @8pm
Beauty Bar
231 E. 14th Street, between 2nd & 3rd Aves.
FREE
Hosted by Josh Haness, this fun show with mod stage also features the comic stylings of Matt Gitlin, Seth Morris and me, Susie Felber.
PS You might've noticed this post has nothing to do with coq au vin. I noticed that too. Freakin' weird, right? It must be a Blogger bug because I always write pithy titles.
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