Wednesday, February 26, 2003

My Mom

Her latest book came out yesterday. If you don't buy one, I'll hold my breath until I turn blue. Or not, depending on which annoys you more.

But seriously my mom's a really fabulous writer of amazing historical romances and I'm not just saying that because I still feel guilty for giving her a varicose vein or two. Oh yeah, haven't you heard? Both my older brothers left her veins pristine. But me? I'm the one who made them go all kablooey. Or Ka-blue-y as the case may be... as the case is... anywho...

Here are some FAQ about my mother's novels:

1. Are they dirty?

Do you find love dirty?

2. No, you know, are they dirty?

No! They are well-written, literate -- they aren't "inch by inch" novels.

3. Yeah right.

Hey, that's not even a question!

4. Whatever. Your mommy writes smut.

Shut up! Her books are not smut! Not smutty at all! Hey, have you ever actually read a romance novel?

5. What? Like a Harlequin?

My mom doesn't write Harlequins. Hers are different, but fine, yes. Like a Harlequin? Ever read one?

6. Excuse me while I get a smirky and sniffy look on my face?

If you must.

7. Me? Read a Romance novel?

Yeah, you.

8. No way! I read real literature! I read what the NY Times tells me to! Or I read historical adventures that are really thinly-veiled romances but they're marketed to men so my intelligence doesn't feel threatened!

Your intelligence?

9. Actually so my penis doesn't feel threatened.

I thought so.

10. Did you know I usually buy books just to look cool reading them?

You mean just to have them displayed on your coffee table, right?

11. Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

12. Listen, to be honest I fear that if I'm caught reading a romance, my manhood might shrivel up and fall off...

Actually, if you read her, you might learn something in that area.

13. Ah HA! So she DOES write dirty books! I knew it!!!