Thanks Rich for saving my blog with this important, timely and sheeptastic gif.*

*Seriously people, I got nothing... except some fabulous upcoming shows!

Full info below.
Oh and ya got to RSVP for the Kimmel showcase on Wednesday, so please do!

Below you’ll find info for a few of my upcoming comedy shows – five that I’ve handpicked for freshness. They range from my doing short sets to headlining to hosting -- to one where there’s an actual hot tub on the stage. Some shows are free -- others are cheap. And in all of them, you’ll see a variety of really talented comedians you may recognize from Tee Vee and movies.

Wednesday, November 2nd
"The Jimmy Kimmel Live! Audition Showcase"
Laugh Lounge
151 Essex St
RESERVATIONS: 212-614-2500
(Please say you are coming to see Susie Felber)
8:00pm - doors8:30pm - showtime
$5.00 cover, two-drink minimum

With:YOUR MC: Craig Baldo ("Premium Blend," Montreal Comedy Festival)FEATURING:* Josh Comers (Comedy Central's Laff Riots)* Dan Cronin ("Premium Blend," "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien")* Chris DeLuca (writer for "The Late Late Show w/ Craig Kilborn," VH1's "Best Week Ever")* Andres DuBouchet (Backstage's "10 Stand Out Stand Ups Worth Watching," Time Out NY's "Best Comedian in NYC")* Ritch Duncan (writer, "Tough Crowd w/ Colin Quinn," editor Jest magazine)* Ophira Eisenberg ("Premium Blend," her own half hour special in Canada)* Susie Felber (MTV2, Conan sketch player, US Weekly’s Fashion Police)* Todd Levin ("Premium Blend")* Liam McEneaney ("Premium Blend," "Best Week Ever")* Rob Paravonian (Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," touring headliner)* Victor Varnado ("Premium Blend," "Jimmy Kimmel Live!," the Eddie Murphy movie "Pluto Nash")AND HEADLINER Tom Shillue, from "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien" and a "Comedy Central Presents" 1/2-hour special

The following is a FREE show at a cool bar and features a great lineup:

Monday, Nov 7
Name: “Tell Your Friends” Comedy show
Location: Lolita Bar, Downstairs
Address: 266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
City/State: New York, NY
Subway: Take the F train to Delancey St.
Price: FREE
Start: 8:00 PM

WITH YOUR MC - Susie Felber

FEATURING: * Brian Kiley, a writer for "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien" who has done stand-up on "Late Night" and "The Tonight Show w/ Jay Leno"* Damion Sammarco, the former co-host/producer of The Tuesday Night Train Wreck (which ran for 7 years) * Todd Hanson, a writer for The Onion * Liam McEneaney, from "Premium Blend" and VH1's "Best Week Ever"* Andy Blitz, a writer for "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien" who has appeared on "Late Night" and "Late Friday" and "Premium Blend"* The Hazzards, a glockenspiel/ukelele-driven band who have appeared on Comedy Central's "Out on the Edge" hosted by Alan Cumming, and on Comedy Central's "The World Stands Up." Their video "Gay Boyfriend" was an Internet sensation, getting over one million downloads in its first three months live on the InterWeb. WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please." * The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.


I’ll be doing a longer set at this show…

Tuesday, November 8th
“Morrison Motel” a comedy show @ Cornelia Street Cafe
8:30 PM
Cornelia Street Cafe, 29 Cornelia Street, between Bleecker and West
4th. A,C,E,B,D,F & V trains to West 4th. 1 train to Christopher St.
(212) 989-9319 for reservations. 8:30 pm. $5 cover, $6 drink minimum.

Larry Bailey hosts TBD, Jane Condon, Harry Terjanian,
Mike Cotayo, Lauren Rochelle, Tony Spin, John Morrison and Susie Felber.

Friday, November 11th
“Hot Tub” a wet comedy jubilee Hosted by Kristen Schaal and Kurt Braunohler
9:30 p.m.
The PIT 154 W. 29th St. btw 6th and 7th Ave.
212-563-7488 for reservations
http://www.thepit-nyc.com/
http://www.hottubvariety.com/

What is Hot Tub? Hot Tub is the best variety show in the city, nominated for ECNY Best Variety Show in 2005 and featuring comedy, music, animal races, and yes, an actual hot tub.

Tuesday, Nov 15th
“Chicks & Giggles” a comedy show
Location: Mo PitkinsAddress: 34 Avenue ACity/State: New York, NYStart: 7:30 PMPrice: FREE
http://chicksandgiggles.blogspot.com/
http://www.mopitkins.com/MoPitkins_NEW/index.html

The above is an all-female FREE comedy revue, now at the smoking hot venue known as Mo Pitkins House of Satisfaction.

Put the pieces together:

My secret passion for Petit Fours...


My obsession with Monster/Frog Cupcakes...

The heart-pounding excitement of certain wedding cakes and black and white cookies.

All my life I chalked it up to a sweet tooth. But no. It's now perfectly clear. I love fondant.

And I don't care who knows it.

Developing...

Weekend Wrap-Up

Friday:
My man's latest article comes out. Go read it before the subscription veil goes up.
http://news.ft.com/cms/s/0fe4c96c-423a-11da-94c2-00000e2511c8.html

Saturday:
Robert Klein should get a shout out for his very funny bit about Larry King hawking an author's book during the Quill Book Awards on NBC. And I should get my head checked for watching the Quill Book Awards, for Klein was the one and only highlight. Unholiest Quill moments: Elmo doing a lengthy turn as a presenter and (a conspicuously absent) Rachel Ray winning over Harold McGee.

Sunday:
While walking my dog and trying to avoid the throngs of foreigners (Italians, Idohoians, Illinoisians) partaking in Magnolia Bakery madness, I met an adorable nerdy kid perched on the steps of his parent's fancy-ass brownstone. He quickly managed to sell me his self-generated map of "haunted Greenwich Village" for a buck. Then he tried to sell me a short story he had written, as he put it, "in the manner of Edgar Allen Poe" but I was out of cash.

Then the kid started to tell me about all the other things he had successfully hawked on his steps --

and now I think I understand how his parents can afford the mortgage on their sweet pad.

Inside the Felber Hair

When I tell people my hairdresser is a internationally-renowned, globe-trotting CFA cat show judge, they often don't believe me. Well thanks to Google, now I have proof.


Walter works the cat thang.

I'm being completely serious here. That there is my hairdresser, Walter. I have known him for over two decades, beginning when I tagged along with my mom to a salon he worked at called Biba on Long Island. Because of cat-show judging, he now only works at a salon about once a month, but I, like most of his clients, now just come see him in his cat-filled apartment on Christopher street.


Hmmm, is this why Snoodles took the blue ribbon?

Walter's a hoot, an opera freak and we argue and laugh like we're related. Speaking of relations, Walter's mom escaped with him in her arms during Kristallnacht and she's still alive -- sharp as a tack, firmly in her 90's and nudging him multiple times a day from her place in Miami.


Fun fact: Dog show judges don't get paid, but cat show judges do. Feel the burn dog show judges!

Walter has five or six exotic cats in his pad, so when you get your hair done it's like being inside a catquarium. The most affectionate cat has a sneezing great gobs of snot problem. He does it when he's in your lap, so it's like he's allergic to humans. But as I am allergic to the vibe of NYC salons (Eau de women's insecurity and salon 'tude freaks me out) going to Walter's pad and getting sneezed on is a pleasure.


Fun fact #2: Cat show judges get paid per cat. For reals. Walter says lifting up zillions of cats in a day is hard on the arms.

I'm partial to Walter's two Maine Coons, although last night I went and saw Ferris had a new haircut. Walter said the groomer messed up the "lion cut" whatever that is. The cat didn't look like a lion, it looked like he was wearing leg warmers.


I think this photo speaks for itself...

Walter was on an Animal Planet documentary special this year called Cat People. I thought he was great. For all his kvetching about how he looked "terrible" (no) and "sounded like Harvey Fierstein" (he didn't), I think he loved it.

One of the things I love about Walter is he's so vibrant. No, that isn't code for flamboyant. I mean, yes he's that too, but he's seriously bold. I guess the best example is that this summer he was pretty knocked up because he suffered a fall. But this wasn't some slip-and-fall in the bathtub people. He injured himself while he was enthusiastically surfing with his grandkids out in California.

But anyways, what about my hair?

I mean forget about the fact that I get my hair done while I enjoy a Chardonnay or a Vodka on the rocks he has poured for me while the opera blasts and the cats jump onto the upright piano (that's decorated with pastel puffy paint because Seventeen magazine did a spread and shoot at his place years ago) causing a mad impromtu concert as they prance across the keys...

How does my hair look when he's done?

Well, why not judge my hair for yourself:


Ba dum BUM!

But seriously people, my hair is awesome. Y'all should know that. And now you know it's thanks to a cat show-judging dynamo named Walter.

And in case someone doesn't know my hair, or Walter himself reads this, I leave you with a pic of my fabulous Walter-ized hair...

Thanks Walter!

There's an art
to giving security guards a thrill...

Enjoy my schmutz-covered work ID:

...with company info redacted, of course.

UPDATE: Use Gawker's evil for good... Check out my brother's blog. He's on NPR, writes for TV and recently sold his first novel. Then check out my mom's site, she's a historical romance author with over 20 novels to her credit.* Then come see me perform in person to witness hilarity incarnate.

UPDATE #2: No people, I don't think Gawker is "evil" -- in fact they've been berry berry good to me -- so stop asking. Is a cat evil for scratching? No. I can take a little love swipe just fine.

*I'm currently trying to wrangle a book party for my mom as she hasn't had one since 1984. Got a Manhattan venue recommendation for me? Let's talk.

Felber weekends -- REVEALED!

A lot of people ask why I don't blog on the weekend.

They want to know where I go and what I do.

Now for the very first time, I'm ready to share these private moments with you.

Every weekend, I go to the country, and put my feet up...


Here I am, relaxing in the country

Then, when the sun goes down, the bear dresses come out!


Who's the prettiest bear -- YOU ARE!


Crochet all day; enjoy your bear all night!


Goldilocks can kiss my bear's ass!


Oh Randy Pandy you so crazy!


So that's really it. I'm exhausted come Monday. Why today alone I dressed up 46 of my bears in brand new outfits and took pictures of each one. So, if you're also into dressing up your bears and photographing them while topless and wearing a snorkle, let me know. I'd love the company.

No freaks.

Yom Kippur

Yum, Kipper! In a kippah!

I'm currently getting high on the holy days. Will return soon.

PS To anyone I've wronged this year -- my bad! Sorry!

Felber's Frolics Blind Item!

What glamorous, hilarious and not-so-modest New York comedian found herself in a sticky situation last night -- literally -- when she stepped into her West Village apartment and onto a glue trap that contained a live mouse?

Neighbors heard her screaming, cursing and hopping around her apartment as her dog, and the mouse attached to her boot, calmly looked on.

If I had a digital camera:

I would take and post a picture of my fuzzy little dog Stan, who is sleeping on the couch right now.

But unfortunately, I must rely on other people's photos...



















YIKES!

Credible Threat No Match for Late-for-Work

I took the subway this morning.

Entered the 1/9, 2/3 at 12th street and saw no police presence whatsoever plus no police on the platform.

And judging by the people on the platform, there is very likely an enormous bags fancier convention in town.

As I was sizing up the oodles of swarthy men with luggage, I noticed that I actually had wires sticking out of my bag -- my coiled up cell phone charger.

I transferred to the 7.

I saw a lot of people with asses so improbably large, and mottled, I was afraid they were packed with explosives.

Forget baby carriages. Put a jihadist out there dressed as a woman with a bomb planted in a huge false rump. No one will look at her for more than a second, before darting their eyes away in embarrassment.


tick tick tick...

In other news, Penn Station was closed down today because they found some bum's Prell in a Pepsi can.

The Days of Awe just got AWESOME.


Get high on the holidays with me -- tonight!

Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad
*TONIGHT*
Wednesday, Oct. 5th
@9:30pm
Joe's Pub
425 Lafayette
NYC
212.539.8778
$15

Featuring the very best of J-girl scribes, comics and spoken word artists, such as Emmy Award Winner Judy Gold (HBO, Comedy Central, etc.) Ophira Eisenberg (Comedy Central), Susie Felber (Conan/MTV2), spoken word artist, Vanessa Hidary (HBO), Cory Kahaney (Last Comic Standing), authors Wendy Shanker (Fat Girl's Guide to Life), Sheryl Zohn ("Penn & Teller: Bullshit!"), Ruthie Ellenson and Elisa Albert, hosted by the Goddess Perlman (TLC/MTV).

How to Have a Sweet New Year

1. Notice that your investigative journalism lives on.

2. Honey and apples are so 5745...go get yourself one of those insanely sweet things mentioned in the above piece at La Delice Bakery.

Photo of Monster/Dino/Frog cupcakes by Robyn

3. Um, really that's about it. Oh, you could go to my show tomorrow night at Joe's Pub. Yes, that's definitely the way to get into the book of life. Here's the hawkage one more time:

Come see comedy, music and burlesque -- TOMORROW night

Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad
A Time Out NY pick of the week!
Date: Oct 5, 2005 (Wed)
Location: Joe’s Pub
Address: 425 Lafayette street
Start: 8:00 PM
Also features: the release of "Modern Jewish Guide to Guilt" By Ruthie Andrew Ellenson
URL: www.nicejewishgirlsgonebad.com

Merry 5766 y'all!