Weighty


The paperweight above belonged to my mother, now it's mine. She died last year, while I was pregnant, and caring for her while working full time from her home. And that's just for starters.

How much has changed since then. And how incapable I am still in sharing more.

But how I miss her.

I feel lucky having her and my father as long as I did, considering.

But still and all, how unlucky I feel no longer having parents. And how unreal that she knew about, but slipped away before meeting my Delia on the outside.

Yes, this is a rare pity party and you are all invited.

Felber B-Roll: Car Talk Jokes edition

Here's the segment that aired on Car Talk today about King Tut's Chariot, which now on display in NYC's Times Square. You can see the gags that aired, and, even better, listen to Tom and Ray describe them here.

And below, here is the full plate of my brilliant hack writing about this 3,000 year-old mobility marvel. FYI I'm not the only funny person contributing jokes, two other LA-based comedy writers are also zapping it in to CT HQ. Anywho, what's below is mine and either didn't make it or was tweaked. Enjoy! Groan! Repeat!

Features of King Tut's Chariot -- revealed!

Cell Phoenicia charger

Rearview Mummies

24-hour Pharaoh-dside assistance

Polytheistic coating

Curseless entry

Satellite oracle

Deity-side airbags

RA-and-pinion steering

De-Isis-er

Of course, an earlier model was recalled "to work out the Sphinx."

Canoptic jar holders

Mini Frankincense tree to hang on horse's tail

Catalytic Cleopatras

Hieroglyphic Converters

Obelisk shift

Rosetta Stone rack

Hybrid horse/slave power

Linen floor mats

Under-chariot neon

Wipers and embalmer fluid

GPS: Global Papyrus System

5 years or 50,000 royal cubit warranty

Flaxseed oil inidicator light

In chariot symbols: Wavy-lines for air conditioning, pyramid for hazard light symbol and eye for back up cameras

"When the previous owner said parting with it was a sacrifice, he really meant it."

Or, re: Tut possibly dying in a accident in that chariot: "When Tut said parting with it was a sacrifice, he really meant it." (Ba dum bum!)