Whatever you do...
Don't say, "the pen is mightier than the sword" to this guy.
Confession: I laughed when I read his lips had to be stitched back together. Is that a sin? "Thou shalt not laugh at the thought of thy neighbor's cougar-attacked lips being stitched back together, even if the photo that thou seest that accompanies thy story makes the entire thing hysterically funny"?