Felber's What's Hot/What's Not Quiz!

Hot or Not?
The gypsy bus I take from Weehawken to NYC....

Does the frayed arm rest mirror his sideburn in the most delightful way?

Hot or Not?
The sketch that just came in for my mom's latest book cover...

Is this spicy or is she just partial to outdoor OB/GYN visits?

Hot or Not?
My dog gumming a Snausage...

Is a ratty little dog eating off the floor a turn on?

ANSWERS:

1. Not

2. Hot Hot Hot!

3. Hot... if you are the dog's owner.

Photo cred: Me, Avon books, Me

Port Authority,
just after midnight,
3.30.06

Waiting for the bus to Weehawken

Weehawken,
just after 10AM,
3.30.06

Waiting for the bus to NYC

Photo cred: me

File under: "Damn"

I just heard Junno's is closing at the end of April.

Here I am outside of Junno's in November 2005...

As you can see, this bar is so hot one doesn't need a coat when standing outside of it on a winter's night.*

New York City -- why do you kill every single bar and every restaurant I've ever loved?


*Especially if one was enjoying an open bar at their mom's book party, which this "one" was.

Help me Rhonda...

If, Rhonda, you are an adept web designer.

I am looking for:

1. Simple technical help. Well, simple for someone more versed in web than me. Like, hey, I know my mom's blog archives are in there, but I can't get them to show up in the live wide web. Oi.

2. A fabulous web designer to make me a pretty, integrated blog/website/portfolio that also has video. Come on, you're dying to see my reel, I know it...

3. But, if your skill is great but your design aint, that's ok as I can call upon mad talented illustrators to work with.

Is this you?

For my part I can pay (not tons) and I know enough basic web stuff to be helpful (hopefully).

Please use the email at right to contact me you brillaint web designer, you.

Wuv,
susie

No one's minding the shop...

So I leave comments for Larry David on MySpace about the time he came to perform at my show and chickened out. Someday soon I'll retell the whole story, in a book that pays me lots of money.

And...

Seems Sean Lennon and I have a lot in common. We are very choosy MySpacers.

The original Gay Robot, accept no imitations.

My brother and I created Troy, the Gay Robot in 2000, in New York City for a CD-ROM game published by Simon & Schuster. The whole story is here.

Adam Sandler's Gay Robot is now on MySpace, if you like cheap imitations. Or MySpace. Or torturing puppies. Ya know, those kinds of things.

New York: Where the Wild Things Are.

Beards are hot sez New York Times!

(That whirring you hear? Every hipster in Brooklyn shaving theirs off.)

Coyotes cavort in Central Park!

(Lucky coyote will get transported away from the most polluted air in the state, possibly the country. And I love this perky coyote-from-the-Bronx pic. It's like he's saying, "Hey, those little dogs in sweaters youse got here? Delicious! Two mangy coyote paws up!" Oh and special shout out to the lovely Sara Hoebel, quoted in the article and currently engaged to this very tall, very cool man. )

Women applying to college get shafted!

(OK, that's not exclusively New York, but like, it sucks. And it makes me feel sorry for all the adorable Chinese baby girls I was ready to adopt after reading this article and seeing the picture of super cute Chinese American teenage girls having a super cute pillowfight. They are such dolls! I want to collect all four!)

Photo cred: David Avila/New York City Parks Department in New York Times

PS If you know and love & loathe MySpace like me, don't miss "Add Me" the groovy new MySpace song .

via Chelsea Peretti's blog 'n she's in it too. Double woo!

I decided that if I were a rock star...

I'd be the frontman for Coheed And Cambria.


The frontman


...is the man who gets to stand in the front.


Damn, he is so good

...at standing in the FRONT!



"Eat me, band. I rule at fronting."



"Aw yeah, I'm in the front. And let's see... whose face is blown up on the screen? Hmm? Is it Mr. Drummer? Mr. Bass Player? Mr. Plays-a-kazoo or some crap? I DON' THINK SO!"

Photo cred: All of the shots are pure promotional for the band, except this one, perhaps, from a nice blog called Video Static. Oh and this image is from a Rolling Stone gallery. Oh and MTV had sexy pics but they could not be snagged so I'm not linking to them. Phooey.

"OK, you can be in the front

...but only if you sit down like bad little boys.

PS don't you DARE try to look moodier than me. I'll cut ya."

There is no watercooler talk
...and other amazing insights from Susie

Today I saw an ad for the TV Guide channel's new show TV Watercooler and I snapped.

Look people, stop using the phrase "what people are talking about around the watercooler" because nobody is talking around the watercooler. In my working life, having held more jobs than you can shake a stick at, nobody has ever talked around the watercooler.

Maybe before email (when the earth was still cooling and dinos ruled the land) people talked around the watercooler because they had no other way to take a break, swap gossip, and catch up with one another. But now offices are very very quiet, full of people sitting politely at their desks and tapping wildly, because they are emailing their friends and co-workers all the stuff they had to trek all the way to the water cooler for. And now it's better because you don't have to stop working or endure some jerk at the watercooler discussing something you aren't interested in.*

So stop. Now. When you say "what people are talking about around the watercooler" you are trying especially hard to sell me on how hot something is, but this tactic backfires worse than my ass after a bowl of blazing squrriel chili.

Now, tonight @9:30PM you should go to:
The Mercury Lounge
to see a band called Valley Lodge.
They are very good and I know Rob the drummer
...and everyone is talking about them around the watercooler.


*Although you do have to endure your relatives sending you countless urban legends and cute animal email forwards, for this is now their virtual watercooler.

I'm so sleepy.

I'm going to try and get "buzz" for that.

Wish me luck.

I am loathe

...to post this article because #1 I never talk about my day work on this blog nor mention the company. And #2, I look fat in the pic. But so what, here goes nothing. At least our CEO looks hot.

For a limited time only, you can read about the rumors of my demise being greatly exaggerated in one of my favorite newspapers, The River Reporter.

I love what my college bud, the talented Mr. Wyatt wrote when I sent him the link. Check it --

"I imagine The River Reporter being cranked out on a manual printing press located on a raft, the editor in chief in a rocking chair holding still ink-wet broadsheets at arms' length.

"Get me rewrite!" he shouts, his pipe rattling in clenched teeth.

A small, meek scribbler in a visor and arm garters paddles up to the raft in a small canoe.

"Yes, sir?" He asks...


River Reporter office, March 2006

Note: I worked for many more charities then are mentioned in that article (where my cancer at!), but I honestly raised bubkes for Operation Uplink this year through the New York Underground Comedy Festival and am embarrassed by my poor showing in light of the "isn't she great" award. I am sending them a check to assuage my guilt and if you'd send them money, that'd be awesome. Here's the official Operation Uplink site.

Oh and while the reporter did a fabulous job, the piece calls me a "second-home owner" which would lead people up there to the conclusion that I am rich (they think all NYC weekenders are), and that I indeed own two homes. No. I rent for the city and I own (have a big mortgage on a small cabin) a weekend place. SO not rich.

Dear people who passed me on the street today,

That stuff you saw me try to scrape off the bottom of my knee-high black boots this morning was not dog, horse or homeless person related.

It was, in fact, great gobs of white, yellow and blue buttercream icing. And now, it's decorating the best curbs in Manhattan and Weehawken.

(That's what happens after you host a rocking book release party/show produced by Liam.)

Just thought you'd like to know.

Your pal,

Susie

OH whadda night!


Tonight's guests don't just have issues, they have a whole subscription

I could give a rat's ass who wins, the fashions these days are too tasteful for my taste and only about 5 Americans went to the movies this year. But this year I predict 89% more crazy self-important celebrity talk AND I CAN'T WAIT.

Consider the facts: Mr. Good Liberal Jon Stewart (who drives an SUV and heads a show that employs non-union writers and performers who are white and almost entirely male),* is joining the Oscars at a time Mr. Cates says he doesn't mind people spouting off and Mel Gibson has promised he'll talk in ancient Maya. This is the perfect storm. This could turn every B-list actor into a Tim Robbins/Hour of Power preacher hopped up on crack.

Grab the popcorn and a defibrillator... this is going to be great.

*Did I say this is a bad thing?

Behold!

Cupcakes for dogs!

Peanut butter pup-cakes

From Buttercup's Paw-tisserie

What? You think cupcakes for dogs are lame? You think this content is not appropriate for this blog? I dare you to say that to my face...

at:
THE BOOK RELEASE PARTY I'M HOSTING ON MONDAY!

Monday, March 6th
THE TRUE PORN 2 MANUAL RELEASE PARTY
Tell Your Friends! at The Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
Take the F train to Delancey St.
8:00pm
Only $5 !!

This week, an eclectic group of performers helps us celebrate the release of the critically acclaimed comics anthology, True Porn 2. A sequel to the anthology that sold out its first two printings, it's a collection of autobiographical sex stories from some of the underground comix scene's best artists. Tonight we celebrate the happy ending of its manual release by cranking out an evening of debauchery, depravation, and quiet nerd lust.

WITH YOUR MC - Ms. Susie Felber

AND: Belly-dancer Leela Corman! Burlesque dancer Nasty Canasta! Comedian/TP2 contributor Liam McEneaney! Author/porn enthusiast Bob Powers! Comedian/cartoonist/TP2 contributor Karen Sneider! And rock n' roll music from the cartoonist band Flaming Fire! And house band - A Brief View of the Hudson.

The Next Enormous Thing

Eating my egg salad with tomatoes and sprouts and Dijon on a multigrain baguette today, I had a revelation: Egg salad is so out, it's about to be in.

Egg salad? More like Egg Sexy!

Mark my words. I can feel trends coming like old people can feel storms in their bad leg. Like me, you may have missed out on profiting from the dot com boom but don't be kicking yourself later that you missed out on this mega trend. Ride the Egg Salad wave.


Time to go back to the Back to the Egg days.