The Real Wizard of Was

I think I saw Michael Musto ride by on his bike a week or so ago. I googled the phrase 'Michael Musto Bike' and found a genuinely sort of cute article from '99 about him and his bike. So now I'm pretty sure I saw Michael Musto ride by on his bike! While walking my little dog too!

I thought that was pretty cool especially since when it comes to fingering celebs in my midst I'm usually as talented as Mister Magoo at an orgy.

Then I found this:

"...I saw Village Voice gossip columnist Michael Musto ride by on his bike, something I've seen many times in the past five years. "

- writer Jami Attenberg, 6/4/03

So...I'm reporting a sighting that's not fresh, totally unremarkable and I'm gossiping about merely seeing a gossip columnist. I would really feel pathetic if I didn't have a red hot sighting to report!

Today I saw Joe Franklin get out of a car on West 4th street, a stone's throw from Stonewall on Christopher street and not 10 feet from my bank!

My bank! Joe was outside of, and not far from Chase. Chase does not charge me fees when I use their bank machines. That's how connected I am!

You want cutting edge? You got it!

Because I obviously don't.

Simpletons

"Everything you ever wanted to know about simplification is in the pages of Janet Luhrs's The Simple Living Guide. It is truly an encyclopedic work."

- Elaine St. James
author of Simplify Your Life and Living the Simple Life.
Source: simpleliving.com

I am obsessed by and am thoroughly suspect of people who make their living through "simplicity."

In the interest of full disclosure I come from a pack rat family that admires the pluck of the Collier brothers (Collyer?) and religiously practices the ancient art of Fucked Shui.

Yeah, I'll admit there may be quite a few skeletons in the Felber family closet. To wit, we haven't seen uncle Herman since he tried to fetch his rain slicker.

I started thinking about how the mass of gossipy New York blogs reminded me of Foucault's panopticon.
So I started re-reading Foucault.
And I remembered why
I'm so glad
to be finished with being a student.

Now you'll excuse me, this former pretentious wanna be intellectual has schlocky horoscopes to write.

I'm Ready For My Close Up

No, not really.

Not really ready, that is. But I thought the following might be more interesting than telling you about my annual morning jog.

Looksie here kids, I'm going to have a small part in a movie.

I'm way psyched and I'll believe it's really happening about 6 years after I've done it.

When I see an anonymous blog where someone hasn't posted in a good long while, I have wondered and worried, "What if this person has died?" Their blog might just be floating like a silver granola bar wrapper lolling down a dirt road. Ohmigawd what if?"

Then, fearing they are dead I notice that their cute complaining about the lady in line in front of them at Bed Bath & Beyond (who held them up trying to get a price check on glass cookie mix gift jars) suddenly seems a tad less poignant. Seeing as I don't know them and this is what they have left behind for eternity, well it would almost be sadder than their death. Or maybe just embarrassing.

Well I'm alive and I'm too tired and hopped up on Crystal Light cocktails to be deep or to even be trivial in an interesting way. But I am egotistical enough to worry that my 3 loyal readers are worried sick about me and so I find I am able to be a self-promoter. Thank the cocktails and the magic of cut unt paste for this rare Felber plug.

This coming Tuesday I'm appearing in:

Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions and also there is a game.

GTN as it is known is @ St. Marks Theater
94 St. Marks Place between First Ave. and Avenue A and also it is slightly underground
8PM
$5 at the door only
b.y.o.b. but in a non a-hole way, s'il vous plait.

And I'm be doing something all new kitty cats. Thor willing it won't suck.

Ahhh, but the show won't suck as it's owned and operated by brilliant M. Andres du Bouchet.

Put the Kibosh on it?

I have a tingly feeling that the word "kibosh" has gotten too hot too quickly. I wish to Thor I could tell you more.

Is it Batsense, Spideysense or the fact that yesterday I heard a certain word used enthusiastically by a cut rate DJ and then saw it in Vanity Fair's borderline pedophilia issue the same day? To show it was in the knowsies, Vanity Fair employed the barfy cutesy "kiboshing."

Put on your galoshes because soon we're gonna be up to our armpits in kiboshes.

You've been warned.

PS Tonight I'm going to the Hendrick Goltzius opening at the Met (hope i get to meet him!) and then doing a spot @ The Shark Show.

Question

If someone wore a trucker hat that said, "TRUCKER HATS SUCK" would it then be considered cool again?

Just Wondering.

Jumping their Shark

Hey stalkers of Felber,

This Thursday night I'm pleased to be appearing at The Shark Show.

The Shark Show
Thursday @ 10pm
People's Improv Theater a.k.a. The PIT
154 W 29th Street
$6

Warning: new Felber material may contain traces of...

Garfield, Paul Lombardi and Manhattan Flash Mob's.

I'll try extra hard not to talk about...

Spike vs. Spike TV or my upcoming trial investigating possible improper tips I may or may not have received from Sam Waksal.

I promise I won't talk about...

President Bush slipping on his Segway, an event that was hack fodder before it happened. I don't know how, actually, but I think it's something to do with the space/time continuum.

Oldie but Goodie

Q: What's Pink and Hard in the Morning?


click here for answer