Yesterday I met Arthur Miller's grandchild

I think we really had some chemistry. I love a guy who is in touch with his emotions and not afraid to cry. He smiled at me as he ate pre-torn off pieces of croissant. I didn't get his name, probably because he doesn't know it yet. Some people say flirting with a guy in a stroller is futile. But since he's cute, connected and our age difference is merely Zeta Jones-Douglas sized, I call him a catch.

So hey! Besdies the show I'm doing this Saturday at midnight (see yesterday), I'm hosting a sketch comedy benefit on Tuesday for abused animals! Cool! I am so for abused animals. Slap the pigs and come on down to:

ANIMAL FARM!!
A sketch comedy benefit

Tuesday night, October 14th, 7:30 pm
The PIT Theater, 154 W. 29th Street, between 6th and 7th avenues
New York City
$10

There will be singing and dancing and sketching galore. The Brothel (Ms. Marisa Miller, Ms. Sarah Spill, Ms. Margaret Champagne, Ms. Sara Polon) proudly present this wild night of sketch comedy to benefit Farm Sanctuary. Also featuring sketch performances from The Incontinentals & The Scallywags. Hosted by me, Susie Felber.

I guess I should find out what " farm sanctuary " is. Yoga for sexually abused cows? No clue. Ah, here's a clue... farmsanctuary.org

I just ate a whole seedless cucumber!


And I also have a small, small part in this exciting show. It's a staged reading, a grand collaboration and it's taking place Saturday @ midnight. I'm also hosting a sketch benefit at the PIT on Tuesday night, but the cucumber says I should post those details tomorrow.

***
July, 2003: thirteen New York comedy writers get together to collaborate on a play
August, 2003: the writers are given a story and each is assigned a scene to pen
September, 2003: the scenes are compiled, a script is completed, copies are assembled with binder clips

Saturday, October 11th, Midnight: The play is put on the stage...

Save The Town Productions presents


Welcome Home Chester Stanley

a play in thirteen scenes
by thirteen New York comedy writers

created by Andres du Bouchet and Bob Powers

story by Bob Powers

written by
* Sean Conroy - Conan O'Brien, Premium Blend
* Andres du Bouchet - Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions and Also There Is A Game
* Ritch Duncan - editor, Jest Magazine
* Adam Felber - NPR's "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me"
* Christian Finnegan - Premium Blend, Montreal Comedy Festival
* Susannah Keagle - Jest Magazine
* Todd Levin - McSweeney's, Modern Humorist
* Liam McEneaney - Premium Blend
* Amanda Melson - Jest Magazine, Laugh Riots
* Bob Powers - NY Press, Jest Magazine, girlsarepretty.com
* Chris Regan - 2-time Emmy winning writer, The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
* Michael Reisman - Jest Magazine
* Bryan Tucker - writer, Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn, The Chris Rock Show, Mad TV

and starring
Jeff Campbell, Susie Felber, Jonny Fido, Adam Hipschen, Brian Huskey, Eric Kirchberger, Amy Larimer, Liam McEneaney, Amanda Melson, Seth Morris, James Oakes, and Jessica Phillips

a staged reading

Saturday, October 11th, Midnight

at the Jean Cocteau Repertory Theater
Club Cocteau
330 Bowery
(corner of Bowery and Bond/East 2nd St.)
Doors open at 11:00 PM

Tickets are $8.00
Reservation line: 212-677-0060, ext. 19


drinks will be available for suggested donation during the show

Ow

I've had so many late nights and so much fun, I'm in pain and I've chronically injured that part of my cerebral cortex that controls and regulates trivial blog entries.

Last night I was hanging out post concert with the Fleetwood Mac tour luminaries at the Ritz Carlton.

I could drop more names but I fear I might injure the little dog sleeping at my feet.

When Nerds Attack

Look out, she's pissed at having to look at her more ample sistahs.

Her homepage says "Also, this month is all about toned, not fleshy. "

Fashion police giving out tickets isn't new, it's a game we played in the playground. But this isn't about the clothes so much as the extra pound of flesh. This woman oft mentions there is a dearth of women on the techie panels and events she works. Maybe it's because they don't like her.

Me-Yow!

OK I'll admit, she hurt me and my kind and like a wounded animal I scratch back. I live in her nabe. I own a pair or two of those jeans and wear them to death potting around our hood. I am not a model or a child. I jog down the West Side Highway too, but only so that I can fit through the door. I plead that those were the only jeans on offer at Marshall's.

Yes Marshall's... in Middletown, NY no less. My secret shame. Even my beloved Salvation Armani would have more street cred. And I...I...am cheap. I'm not rich and totally cheap when it comes to clothes. Anything I wear that doesn't have holes or someone else's vintage B.O. ingrained in it my mother has bought me. I live in the wrong neighborhood, I know.

So how is it that I've been one of the Fashion Police? Well, I poke fun at celebrities and try to never be mean. Celebrities who are dressed for an event, who also have enough money to do better. And well, I suppose my only defense is that I don't make fun of the clothes or the people so much as make the clothing choice seem funny.

Or maybe it's just that Karma has come back to bite me in the bootylicious ass.

Retarded Inbred Squirrels
or
If I Had Time I'd Write You a Shorter Post

Today I spied my first ever black squirrel on W4th street between Charles and Perry. The tail wasn't very bushy and it was less skittish about being chased by Stan. In fact it was pretty slow getting away and up a tree. Stan tried to climb the tree and made desperate bird like noises at it but only got as far as putting his paws on the cast iron foot tall gate surrounding the tree. The construction workers who are perpetually working on the restaurant formerly known as Anton's laughed at him.

I saw another or the same black squirrel on Charles street on our second walk. This time the black squirrel was just as slow getting up a tree but carrying a whole peanut. Stan just as psyched. I wondered where the squirrel got the peanut. Stan and I were gaping at the squirrel for a good long while, probably because I'm spaced out on cold medicine and he's a dog who loves to hate squirrels. I enjoyed watching Stan watch the squirrel go to the top of the tree because this one didn't blend in with the bark. It was roundabout then that I noticed two happy and well dressed black women with a baby in a carriage were walking down Charles and laughing at us.

I volunteered, "He likes squirrels." They looked at me with one part interest, 3 parts pity. I felt I needed to justify myself more and I said, "Have you ever seen a black squirrel?" They looked at the squirrel and then I worried they thought I was making a racist comment so feeling the need to explain myself more I added, "They are so beautiful, but I've never seen a black squirrel, have you?"

At this point the women think I'm borderline insane. One finally says, "No, I haven't actually" and they politely ran away scooting down the block as fast at those stroller wheels would take them.

I sniffled my way back home and to the bat computer, where I was sure there was a wealth of black squirrel information, or at the very least, other dolts like me declaring they'd seen a black squirrel.

After learning that if you google "black squirrel new york" the first entry you get is a listing for gay bars, I got my answer.

Check this out:

Squirrels are evolving in New York City.

At Riverside Park on the West Side of Manhattan there are cinnamon colored squirrels. At Grammarcy Park and several other parks around the city you'll find black and dark brown squirrels. But these aren't new species but rather variants of the eastern gray squirrel.

According to Robert S. Voss, curator of mammalogy at the American Museum of Natural History, cinnamon and black coloration genes exist in the eastern gray squirrel population, in fact, in all squirrel populations. Through in-breeding, these recessive traits have come out. City parks form islands, because the streets, sidewalks and buildings of New York are too inhospitable to the squirrels to permit them to mix with squirrels elsewhere in the city. Plus, the urban environment has eliminated almost all squirrel predators. Cinnamon and black colored squirrels are usually at a disadvantage because they stand out against gray tree trunks and so are easier targets for predators. But with the predators eliminated the variant colored squirrels are able to survive.

The above taken from Darwin chat.

And then there's a cheap web page filled with crackpot theories that looks like it has been abandoned in cyber space called the Squirrels in Black. I found this page oddly comforting.

And the moral is: no moral, just another page for my fellow New Yorkers to find should they ever doubt their sanity upon encountering a black squirrel while hopped up on cold medicine.

Play it Again, Sus

Thanks to my involvement in "Wonkopera", a Willy Wonka Rock Opera
it turns out Johnny Depp is now interested in taking on the role of Willy Wonka.

Yeah, we're that good.

Wonkopera runs just two more nights. Catch it Tonight* and next Monday the 28th at Chetty Red, 23rd St. betwixt Park and Madison. The show is round about 8PM and is just 5 bucks with no drink minimum. Speaking of drinky drinks, if you're cheap, an alcoholic or both -- know that they there are 2 for 1 until 8PM. Yowsie!

"Wonkopera"
Written by Dave Juskow, arranged by Mark Humble. Every Monday in September at Chetty Red, performed by the Crusaders of Science: Dave Juskow (vocals), Mark Humble (bass, Vocals), Tony Fortuna (Drums), and Karl Wenninger (guitar). Featuring Susie Felber as Veruca Salt and Jeanett Mienert as Boatswain's Mate and sassy Oompa Loompa.


*Tonight will mark our 3rd performance, but my first being sick as a pooch. I've had my annual cold since Wednesday night and I'm finally able to get out of bed and talk. I'm coughing up technicolor stuff and I blame this all on my recent healthy eating, no smoking, jogging plan I've been on. A woman in my building said I'm "detoxing." If this same woman didn't pay to be given cure all hickeys, I might just believe her.

CNN Hyperblowe

Yesterday during Hurricane Isabel CNN reporter Kathleen Koch was seen in a yellow slicker, oft hanging onto a planter . I also remember her interviewing a couple on the beach. She was all fired up and very disappointed that the couple seemed really calm and happy watching the storm roll in. She enjoyed telling them the danger they were in. She told them to take shelter, most likely because they ruined the hysterical tone she was trying to set.

A few minutes ago she was interviewed as part of the CNN hurricane circle jerk. She told of her young daughter being scared for her while watching mommy being batted around in the wind on TV. So she explained to her daughter that her reporting on the hurricane was exactly like the 9-11 firefighters, running into a burning building because they had a job to do.

Oh no she di'n't!

Oh yes, she did.

The Bottom Line

I myself never found crotchless panties sexy.

Now you won't either.