BREAKING: MY MOTHER NOT A MORNING PERSON. ALSO, IS HER JUDGE JUDY HABIT SPIRALING DANGEROUSLY OUT OF CONTROL?

Watch this exclusive author interview on Romancenoveltv.com and find out!

(snicker, snicker)

Go here for behind the scenes photos I took at the shoot.

6 months... we've come a long way, baby.

And what a wonderful babe you are.

Love,

Mom, a.k.a. the artist formerly known as Susie

Like Strippers that Come with Their Own Pole?

Then check this hot off the virtual presses post about a government video that's so sexy, you'll swear it's soft core.

Note: I only tout stuff from my for-pay world when it's good. What can I say? Lately I've been awesome.

Oh yes! Thanks to Fleshbot for the link to this. Warning for ye who are faint of heart: Fleshbot is Gawker's naughty blog about naughty things with naughty ads.

UPDATE 4/26: All things DC blog Wonkette linked to it as well. Coolio.

Felber's Helpful Hints

If you're ever involved in an email exchange and you're very busy -- too busy to elaborate on how that person might be mistaken -- just respond with this:



It works for Felber!

BREAKING -- UPDATE -- VIRGINIA IS LARGE

From Joe: one clarification to your entry: Virginia Tech is in Blacksburg, which is in western Virginia, about as far from Fairfax (where NRA HQ is) as Fairfax is from New York (about 250 miles).

From me: So I took out the me being a geographical idiot stuff that was below. Cheers dears!

Fairfax, Virginia: Site of the NRA's National Firearms Museum.

Joe visited, photographed and wrote about the museum.

Searching for the museum's website, I found this rather unfortunate Google result:


Champagne, chocolate and fireplaces? No, honey, we're gonna view us some firearms!


Virginia is for gun-totin' lovers...

Photo cred: The doomed cheetah photo taken in the National Firearms Museum is DSCF1089, originally uploaded by joelogon.

See all of Joe’s awesome Firearms Museum photos here.

Walter, my hairdresser (and internationally-renowned cat show judge who is currently getting way more TV work than me) has a new baby. She's 3 months old. She's a Maine Coon named Ann Richards. I met her on Sunday and went wild for the name.

"Walter, that's brilliant! I love it! Wow! Genius!"

He said, "Well since Huey is named after a politician..."

"It's awesome." I said, interrupting.

"And I wanted the name of a strong woman..."

"Oh yes, even better!"

"And Cruella seemed --"

"No, Cruella is too over-the-top mean. Ann Richards is SO amazing -- I love it!" I said.

"Then you suggested I name her Ann Richards."

Yes, that's right. I went crazy for the kitten's name, having no recollection that I am the one who had suggested that name.


Huey & Ann wonder why the Felber chick can't remember anything


Ann Richards lives on!

PS Speaking of Cats and politicians, did y'all know that Dick Cheney is not only our vice President, but a CFA judge? Yeah, me neither! See below:

Hey, nice rack!
Magazine rack, that is...

Usually when Fitness magazine gets racy, it's all about 5K's. But I found a coffee shop on Hudson street that makes their subscription look muy sexy!

OK this is absurd but... my babe was blogged about again today. First cupcakes and now check him out on the New Socks blog!

Click here to see my sweet babe on the world's finest cupcake blog.

Warning: Babies, cupcakes. NSFWW!*


*Sickeningly sweet stuff -- Not Safe For Weight Watchers

Felber's Bloggin' is Smokin' Hot!

I'm just smouldering elsewheres...

Check out this post entitled, Proof that Hollywood Movies Reallly Stink.

Or this one about drunken Scots on cycles.

Or maybe you'd enjoy this post on my brothers blog in which he cleverly blogs about yet another genius post I did on that other blog.

Come on people: Dance into the Felber fire!

Hate Care Bears?
Then you'll love this post of mine today on Court TV's Informer.

QUICK! LOOK! OVER THERE!*

Unless you're a Baby Boomer, you should check out my latest post on Informer by clicking here.

If you are a Baby Boomer, then you might not like it so much.

But fear not Boomers! For you I present this dude's post entitled "Dig the Sweet Potato" about how groovy sweet potatoes are because of their anti-Cancer properties.

Yeah man.

*I'm trying to distract y'all from the fact that I've got little time right now to post something very original here. Except for that tie dyed sweet potato graphic you see here. I made that special just for YOU!

Covering all the bases.

This post of mine today on Informer, raises a Yankees/Sox question only my writer/director/baseball blogging friend Paul Sullivan could answer.

Well, only he could answer it in a wholly satisfying informative and entertaining Sullyesque way.

So whaddya say P.S.? Lemme know and I'll add a P.S. here, or maybe there.

The Rumors are True.

I'm seeing another blog. A corporate blog. Meaning, I'm contributing to a blog owned by a corporation. Have I sold out? No. First of all I've written professionally for lots of TV, mags, CD-ROMs, casual dining establishments, etc..

And second of all, I think "selling out" should, by definition, net one lots and lots of money, don't you? When I sell out, you will know as my dog will be wearing a mink and I'll be wearing a Seal coat. Yes, a coat made out of Heidi Klum's husband. And they'll fight over the designing it for me on a very special episode of Project Runway.

So, join me, won't you? Check out my post today about Hillary Clinton's relation to an unrelated, but awesome video of a speeding limo entitled, "It's a Stretch."

Cartoon by Hugh at Gapingvoid.com

Yay! Bob Shea! Yay!

My old friend Bob Shea.

His first book came out

the day before yesterday.

He wrote it! He illustrated it!

I think you'll agree with me when I say,

"Yay Bob! Hip hurrah, huzzah, hooray!"

Check out Bob's site to view his awesome short video that's airing on Noggin now. The best part is that he made the vid, the whole dang vid. From the pics to the movement to the music to the fab copy. Bob is one friggin' talented dude.

Also see: Bob's blog here; One of the original vids Bob made that my man did all the voices for here.

And Buy the Book already!!

It's a beautiful NYC day.

But I am in an office so I could give a rat's ass.

No really, I could. And here you go. A rat's ass.

Taken this morn @ 10AM, E40th street, Manhattan.

Love,

Susie, giver of rat's asses

Ask a stupid question...

Get me to answer!

"Askville" is a new Amazon-owned site. They emailed me to join. It's a dynamic new community of real people who ask and answer questions on every topic under the sun.

I jumped in to selflessly help a woman with her urgent need to make a "simple, creative, inexpensive bird costume for 40 kindergarten students."

My answer to her is the one titled "Kids Canary Costume -- Cheep!" from SusietheMaven.

Read it here:

But wait! The link above doesn't let you view without signing in. So here's the question and my answer...

"Need simple, creative, inexpensive ideas for bird costume" Topics: education, parenting, elementary school, arts & crafts, children Asked by: newmommy15 - 10 hours ago

Do you have any ideas for a simple, creative, inexpensive bird costume for 40 kindergarten students. It's for a spring assembly. Don't need a head-to-toe costume. Just some ideas for maybe something to put on their heads or wings for their arms, etc.

"Kids Canary Costume -- "Cheep"!"

Answered by: SusietheMaven
Date: Mar 30 2007 (9 hours ago)

Paint the children with yellow frosting. Then get some old pillows and allow children to put handfuls of the innards on themselves. The frosting should make them sticky enough to attach feathers, but know that if it's cold, buttercream can harden. But shortening is cheaper and more pliant at any temperature.

The best part is it's non-toxic and really hands on.

Picture credit up top: Costume Craze Toddler Big Bird Costume, which is currently out of stock. Apparently, making your baby look like a giant yellow penis is all the rage.

Chicken Tartare Update!

It seems my recent blog post about visiting McDonald's and being served an uncooked chicken sandwich went viral.

The Apiary caught it first with this adorable post. Then Gawker linked to it, and then tons of blogs (including the good folk at the Comedy Central Insider) and popular link roundup sites, some of which I'd never heard of. Uniquedaily.com brought tons o' traffic.

And even though some sites posted the story but didn't link back to me or my original photos (tsk tsk!), I am amazed by the number of people who did find and click-thru to my pics on Flickr. Currently this one photo alone has been viewed over 18 thousand times. Yes, that's 18 thousand.

In short, y'all should think twice before giving this redheaded girl blogger a raw deal.

Note: I know, the word "viral" in terms of Web stuff is so overused it is nearly as icky as a raw chicken lozenge. OK, not that icky, but you know what I mean.

Crossroads

Fumbling in my bag
on the corner of 40th and something
trying to find and apply lipstick
nonchalantly,
before the light changes.

WALK

I am off.
Before I’ve found the tube
or a mirror
or the courage.
I instinctively roll my eyes.

Such a pathetic ambition,
and aborted to boot!

I scold myself for managing to look like somebody’s nervous mom,
come into Manhattan for the day.

Then I realize
I am.

News


"Ah, what's this? Sez here mom is going back to work tomorrow and leaving me with a stranger who costs more than our rent. Early estimates show that she'll only see me awake for two hours a day. It also says that compared to other working moms, she's lucky."


"Say what?"

Susie says: Wish me luck. He's the best thing I've ever done, he's the most beautiful baby the world has ever seen and he's getting more fun by the day. Leaving him makes me feel ill. Yes, it's even harder than eating raw chicken from McDonald's. I'm ga ga head over heels for my Hugo. This from someone who really liked kids but was definitely not a baby person. I know. The pre-baby me is rolling her eyes too.

Susie also says: Maternity leave has been no party. It's actually been the hardest time I've ever had. First I was dealing with an infected open c-section wound (less said the better) and then finding a way to go back to work in the middle of winter (with post-partum hormone wonkiness) has been about as easy as (and as unexpected as) coming back from the dead. This is why most companies are like a bad zombie film, for as you see women disappearing from the workforce you think, "Ohmigawd! They got another comrade!" And this is why families can't help but slip into debt. Heck at least I got some maternity leave and some was with pay. In this country, that's rare.

But half a paycheck is better than no paycheck. Part time work? Sounds great -- Hey you don't go crazy doing baby care all day! You keep a toe in the workforce -- until you do the math and find it would be equal to or less than no paycheck, once you pay for P/T childcare and the commute. Oh and no benefits, natch. Sorry baby, it's St. John's Wort for your cold or nothing.

Oh and that little fantasy you as-of-yet non-moms have about working while the baby is sleeping? Ha! I mean, how nice for you. I had it too. My baby sleeps all night (brag) so that I'm well rested to go all day. He only naps long enough to eat anything that doesn't run away fast enough and regret you didn't do the laundry. That's it. If your baby doesn't sleep all night (unlike my pillar of babydom), enjoy trying to fire up your brain to work when he or she decides to conk out for a brief snooze. If you're able to do more than drool while you watch Oprah, and upload some baby photos, I'll give you a hundred bucks.

Speaking of money, did you know that only $600 of childcare/year is tax deductible and that this amount hasn't changed in about 30 years? I didn't. For my childless and far flung friends: in the NY-area $600 = less than one week to as much as three weeks of childcare. Understand that when I say "childcare" I mean all the possibilities: from nanny/babysitter to decent daycare (4 infants to one adult, and a minimum 12 month waiting list to get in so you have to sign up before conception) to the crappiest daycare where you will want to suicide after you see it. Thanks Republicans! I'll see you in hell.

Disclaimer: Yeah, life is hard. But I've got the most wonderful baby daddy in the world and he has a job. Save your sympathy for chicks with jerks or single moms. How they manage, I've no idea.

For hope or a healthy way to funnel your anger into action, check out momsrising.org

Note: Some of this post written pre-dawn, and the rest with one hand while feeding a baby.