Wednesday, May 31, 2006
She works in publishing. The best way to describe it is that she's an "inspirational ghostwriter." And the best part is, she loves it. Oh and she's an ordained minister and works with the homeless, but who isn't/doesn't?
We ate beans, kababs and things that have the prefix "baba" as we gossiped about mutual friends like the English guy who lives in Park Slope and is still unemployed/able to pay his rent after more than a decade.
The guy whose photo spread is currently featured in New York magazine.
The woman who famously dated the cashew vendor at Rockefeller Center.
The guy who is a New Age composer who also gives "satsang energy transfers" for money from his base in New Zealand.
The guy who changed his name to something very silly, the guy who teaches body performance art movement at a college in England, the guy who is having his gay marriage in Montreal and the guy who legally separated from his parents after his recovered memories of sexual abuse. Oh, and all the guys in this paragraph? They are the same guy.
Oh and we talked about so many other friends, including all the people we know from college who had identical recovered memories of sexual abuse, who, incidentally, all went to the same therapist in Bennington.
But mainly we talked about us. For we are oh-so fascinating.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Watch comedian David Wain giving a tour of his hometown of Shaker Heights Ohio... in 1978.
It's so adorable, your pituitary gland might explode.
Note: Post being kicked out of Germany by some dude named Hitler, my Dad grew up in Shaker Heights.
Found via: Comedy Central Blog
UPDATE: I sent this to my Ohio peeps and check what my cousin Edith wrote back.
Thanks Susie. Hope everyone is well and enjoying end of spring-beginning of summer soon. I didn't know David Wain but I always hear a lot about his Dad, Norman Wain, growing up, some info about him is here: clevelandjewishnews.com
<-- So is this really David Wain's dad? Adorable to the 10th powah!
After the flap I caused with yesterday's post, this story is hilarious.
And part of the funny? Me bravely defending the valiant IT guy from being called a lowly cabbie when he's really...an illegal immigrant.
I mean, some of my best friends are illegal immigrants, but please!
I will now don the ass hat, as I am a bit of an asshat.
Thanks to Ed for the tip.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
UPDATE 5.24.06: AOL is not racist. Nor uncaring. And I like the damn blog I'm dissing, OK? Read this entry, but see important note that follows. Oh, and I just noticed they added a note about their error. Well done, y'all.
In the following feature on the AOL viral blog someone (or a group) known only as aolcomedy writes this entry:
BBC Interviews Wrong Guy!
The BBC recently mistook a cab driver waiting in their lobby for an IT Expert. Please enjoy the awkward pain on his face as he is the only one who knows.
>>> Watch Now
Ha Ha! Dumb cabbie taken for expert! Ha! Oh, wait...
I did a quick Google check and learned that according to the Toronto Star he's NOT a cabbie but a university graduate who "walked into the lobby of the British Broadcasting Corp. this month to apply for an IT job, and instead found himself being interviewed as an expert on music and copyright law."
Well I guess him being a cabbie is funnier because one assumes a cabbie is dumb (is that careerist?), but although he is a black man with a funny accent, he is not a cabbie.
And here's what I say: if you are writing comedy, go crazy. Make the most racist outlandish characters in the world. But if the comedy you're peddling comes from a real-life incident, you've got to get the real-life part right. Because that's a real person. And he's not playing a part, and he's really not getting paid for this.
Sure, I see that the AOL blogger only grabbed what another site had written, but like, if it's your site, wouldn't you check into it? Sure you would. But that's the problem with this AOL comedy blog. WHO is AOL comedy? Who cares? There's no way to find out on the site, and if you made an asshat of yourself so what, you are "aolcomedy." You can hide behind that. You are some lucky young dude who is thrilled to have a paying job where he can post pics of boobs.
Yeah, it was this AOL page that led me to the "cabbie" entry and it has gratuitous boobs.
Are these boobs hilarious? I think not.
Which is fine, I'm not anti-boob, but I don't really get why these very sexy almost NSFW boobs are there. The copy that goes under those boobs is to hawk the Viral Blog I mentioned above and the copy under the boobs reads "The 'breast of what's going around' ... in tasty new blog format!" Which I guess is hilarious because the tagline above it says "The best of what's going around in tasty blog format."
Basically, to paraphrase an old comedy saying, if you are going to work boob, you have to be twice as funny.
NOTE: I came to the AOL site via a wonderful comedy site known as The Apiary, and yeah, I will probably never be featured by AOL comedy now. Them's the brakes.
THE AFOREMENTIONED UPDATE: So the Sr. Programming dude from aolcomedy wrote to me and I'll explain all later if I ever get a chance, but he admitted the error (he saw multiple stories behind the clip and choose the cabbie one because it was funnier) and he wrote a nice note and made me feel like a dog for calling them out and for assuming it was some cold, unfeeling corporate blog. Oh and he didn't touch on the boobs. Just FYI.
Here's the note I wrote back to him:
Hey [redacted], thanks for the note.
I still hold that if you weren't sure what the guy was after hearing conflicting stories, you should say exactly that and not choose one because it's funnier.
Also, was the breast joke yours? Pretty lame, but then again already I have found people coming to my little blog because of it so maybe you've got something there.
So, now that I seem totally obnox, let me tell you something else straight from the hip: I applaud what AOL comedy is trying to do. I'm glad I found it. And I think the portal is very cool, and I think y'all have, bad breast puns aside, great content and I hope it takes off. Truly. I don't know you, but I'm sure we have many friends in common, and I'm sure we are both obsessive and passionate about good comedy. I'll be reading and linking from here on out.
I am amazed you found my entry and had the balls to respond. And since you revealed yourself, I do apologize for assuming AOL comedy was not a personally tended site. I was wrong.
And I don't think you or yours are racist (I have AOL friends who work at AOL, really!). I was just uppity about the error.
I'll amend the entry somehow (damn blogger doesn't have strike throughs) and thanks for your response.
So nothing to see here, move along. While you're moving along, I suggest you visit AOL Comedy. Yep, see how we can all get along? Even uppity chicks like me?
Friday, May 19, 2006
The Best Albino Code
By Susie Felber
Victor Varnado is an actor, director, comedian and albino. So why didn't he get the role of the albino killer in "The Da Vinci Code?"
Now read my whole exclusive interview with Victor right here!
Go! Now! Wow!
It's very funny, because Victor is very funny. And it got up in less than 24 hours from my pitch to publish thanks to many talented people who are not me. Thanks people who aren't me! You rock.
Update: Awesome. And I think Gawker scooped me. Woo!
Update 2: Awesome X 2 -- Whoa, Comedy Central's blog linked to this too!.
Honestly, I'm in nerd heaven.
Update 3: OK, yes, for those of you who asked I am dying to respond to the two Gawker anon people who wrote comments that show they obviously didn't read the piece they were commenting on and/or just wanted to show off their indy film knowledge, but I will control myself! Or I will try. I am now writing "I will not comment on a Gawker post that is about me" 100 times on the blackboard.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Be the first on your block to check it out. http://www.schrodingersball.com
Coming soon I'll post some QIFAM's (questions I frequently ask myself) about the book.
Big props to Russell of http://www.frostimaging.com/ for designing the site.
Monday, May 15, 2006
This weekend I went to my secluded little cabin in upstate NY.
Lilacs in bloom at Snooge Manor
And here is my adorable little dog. What are you looking at so intently boy?
Dog of adorableness. Notice how his tail has stopped mid-wag.
Why, it’s only the man who wanders through the woods looking for people to hack up...
He has large clippers and is prepared to use them.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Dow tumbles more than 100 points
In other news, I went to Wal-Mart today in Monticello, NY. The prices are such a steal the elderly greeters should give everyone a ski mask and a gun just so it feels right.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Joe, a real live AOL employee, gave me a great excuse to do some blog hawking with his "Six Pack Picks." Don't know what that is? Check out Joe's post here. I'm going to keep adding to this, so check back for more six packs.
The theme to my first Six Pack is "Individuals with awesome blogs that if you don't know, well then I pity you."
1. Victor Varnado and his bestalbino.com
The blog is on the front page. As you can see Victor is camera phone ka-razy. But it's infectiously joyous. Or maybe it's just infectious. In any case, Victor has lots of online original shorts to check out and he's usually directing a big movie, acting in a big movie or writing a big movie. At the moment, he might be doing all three. Check out his site for the brag bits he throws down. Victor is also my friend. Someday, I hope to be featured in one of his camera phone pictures that makes everyone he knows look greasy and green.
2. Robyn and The Girl Who Ate Everything
This has long been my fave food blog, and it's based in NYC. Now, having reached the ripe old age of 20, Robyn has stepped up her entries to include MORE photos of MORE food and MORE good stuff like her Poofy "Gimmie Pancakes" shirts for sale and sharing things like her "Asian" questionaire. But mainly, she's my favorite food writer. She's funny, genuine and passionate. She is simply the best food blogger PERIOD.
OK, I am way too busy today. So just like a juicy episode of The Facts of Life, this post is:
To be continued...
OK, I'm back! #3, drum roll please...
3. Bob and his Campzine
Bob doesn't update his blog thing very often, and I'm not sure he expects anyone to find it, but it's funnnnnnnnny. Bob, incidentally has a kids book out soon from a real publisher that he designed and wrote. He is also the one who made those two groovy puppet movies my man the journalist did the V/O for you can watch right here. Rumor has it anothereven more fabulous puppet movie has been voiced and Bob is currently being animated for entry into a festival. Oh and Bob and his Colleen are the ones who designed my mom's new logo and website. Now you know a lot about Bob. Lucky you!
4. Laurie and her recently updated kilmartin.com
Actually, instead of trying to describe it, here's something I wrote to another site recently regarding my favorite comedian blog.
"She's been at it since 1996 long before you or I blogged. She calls them "hoaxes", and they are awesome. Her recent blogging about being pregnant and trying to get ready for Montreal are awesome.
And she recently added a lot of video to her site, including Tough Crowd, Shorties Watching Shorties, and even an amazing documentary film made about her life as a comic in the 80's. It's a don't miss.
And her "Comedy Yearbook" -- headshots and captions throughout the ages, is priceless.
See, I know Laurie, and she knows me, but we are not close friends by any stretch. But I admire her heaps, as she is so f'ing funny, sage about comedy, and one of the few women who has been a working comedy writer, on both network and cable TV.
Anywho, hope the tip is interesting, and if you've featured this before, ignore me!"
4. Michelle and her not making it up
Always fresh, funny, photo heavy and very childish. I like it. You will too.
5. Hugh and his Gaping Void
Consistant, passionate, original cartoons and commentary. More focused on marketing theory these days, but I'm into it plus he's stepped up the cartoons to compensate. He's from the UK but lived in NYC long enought that he's got bi-pondal bite. Bipondal. I just made that up. I'm a bloody teriffic genius, I am.
6. Chris and his Mythstory
How often do you get a multiple Emmy Award-winning comedy writer doing a freebie turn just for you Internerds? It's shiny and new and he's updating daily. Go lest he gets the crazy idea to go back to writing for fame and fortune.
And that's my Six Pack Picks for now!
Friday, May 05, 2006
I am spending some time cleaning up my links here, even though I'm in the process of building a whole new website (sort of like locking the barn after the horse has already closed on a brand new 3-bedroom 2-bath barn).
So here are some of the links we can say farewell to from Felber's Frolics sidebar, and why...
It had some real good stuff in it. Many of my friends wrote for it. And when the New York Times wrote about it, my dog and I ended up in the photo. It went from newsprint, to glossy to "web only" and finally, I know not when, to that Bizarre German clown placeholder. RIP Jest.
Note: Incidentally, the original editor of Jest Magazine (and the dude who created the famed Williamsburg werewolf blog) has just started a new blog. It's about hockey. And the cool thing is he knows most of you don't give a hoot, but his heart must go on. Check it out right here!
Luna Lounge is gone, and now so is the site that indexed all the performers who did this always-being-accused-of-being-overrated by jealous comedians yet always totally awesome show. I was lucky to perform there many times, and host as well. Some of my best performing experiences in NYC were doing Luna, because you knew if you took a chance, and went balls out, the unusually hip yet happy audience would catch you. Also fun if you weren't doing the show as you could always count on Monday as a perfect night to have a drink and a late night bite with your other comedy friends.
OK this one is odd for a number of reasons. First of all, I don't really know this comedian very well, yet I linked to him. He has a fancy website (for a comic people, for a comic) but he hasn't updated his blog since 10/05 and he hasn't updated his performance dates since 12/13/05. As the last gig he has listed was GTN, I have to ask Andre, "What did you do with the body?!" Todd: I hope you're alright. Really. If you are not OK, I'll feel guilty.
Sorry Salon, but you're getting my dander up. From the "you give liberals a bad name" file comes this article by the typical older New York mom overreacting to her 5-year-old son getting patriotic when in upstate NY. It was too much for me.
Check out what she and her husband played with their son when he came home from kindergarten:
"...to counteract any God-and-country indoctrination he received in school, we began our own informal in-home instruction about Bush, Iraq and Washington over the evening news. "
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But seriously, I wish I could be a fly on the wall for the "instruction...over the evening news." Brainwashing a 5-year-old. Nice!
And before I ramble on, Narrowsburg is not, as the author claims, "a red dot in a blue" state. There's red all over upstate New York, it's just that the population of the New York Metro area is a bit heftier, eh? So yeah, I took the link to Salon away, but maybe I will check in now and again, just so I can learn how to not become THAT.
Tune in next time for some good blog vibes with my Six-Pack Picks!
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Here's a very recent shot of tulips from my mother's little garden on Long Island...
Now here's a photo from comedian Carolyn Castiglia from her recent trip to "Holland"...
Photo originally uploaded by and owned by Carolyn on Flickr
Why do I put "Holland" in quotes? Because it's plain she never went! Do you see any windmills or wooden shoes in that photo? I do not. Shame, SHAME Carolyn, for duping America like that!
My blogging philosophy:
If you've got lemons, make lemonade.
If you don't have lemons? Make hay.
The sun is shining people, make hay, better make hay!
(And marvel at how clever I am with this hay-colored typeface!)
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Whoop! Whoop! Sound the alarm! 'Cause Felber knows what's going down.
What's the phase on everybody's lips?
"... a bit of a disconnect"
How is it used?
It can be used almost anywhere! Let's say you are in an office meeting and somebody presents an idea. You can respond, "I think that's a bit of a disconnect."
What does it mean?
Well, it can mean many things! In the example above it means "Your idea is crap. I mean, where do you get ideas like that?" But by saying "a bit of a disconnect" you make yourself sound smarter, the other person gets confused and it's more polite than saying "you're talking apples and oranges" or "wow, you are a moron." Plus, HR can't fire your ass for saying it.
Here, to help you are 100% real and really recent sentences I pulled off the web containing the trendy phrase "a bit of a disconnect." Read them, and then I will tell you what they mean.
"The initial lag time on the “live” search as you type creates a bit of a disconnect, as does having to wait to hit the enter key to preview the results. "
Translation: I am a nerd. A very smart nerd who will now bore you with the nerdy peeves I have.
"Secondly, and I think this presents a bigger issue, there's a bit of a disconnect between low low prices and the sorts of folks who will go to Wal-Mart for a commercial loan instead of a more established bank. "
Translation: People who go to Wal-Mart are asshats.
"I realize that, at least on the surface, there's a bit of a disconnect between why I blog and why I read blogs. "
Translation: I only "seem" crazy. Let me explain. Please?
"Recently I have been noticing a bit of a disconnect between agencies and interactive partners."
Translation: And now I'm going to show you how the people I don't like are asshats. Also, please hire me, I'm so tired of being unemployed.
"Unfortunately, there was a bit of a disconnect between the way the class was described in the course catalogue and the way it was described to me by the department chair."
Translation: My department chair is an asshat. Or the people who wrote the catalog are asshats. Man I'm so smart! PS I lost my favorite undies leaving the kegger last night, so if you see them on the shrubbery, call me!
"Just suffering a bit of a disconnect with everything going on in her family. Princess is progressing with the potty, 2 days in a row. Didn't make it today, but still a good thing overall."
Translation: God she's such a moron. Not like me and my brilliant spawn the potty savant.
"There are so many weight loss bloggers out there and I've always felt, despite us having the same end goal, being linked on each others blogroll and even frequently commenting, there's a bit of a disconnect."
Translation: Ugh! Why can't I be the only fatty fat blogger! Not FAIR! Also, I gained 5 pounds last night. Back to the drawing board.
"I guess there was a bit of a disconnect there, because Peter's most recent avatar of himself doesn't look much like him."
Translation: I finally saw this dude's picture and he is a beast. From now on I'm not falling for a guy based on his avatar!
"There's a bit of a disconnect between what you expect to read and what I want to post about."
Translation: I have feelings, damnit, and you, my loyal blog readers, are asshats! All five of you!
"i just feel a bit of a disconnect between the person i am in uniform and the person i am otherwise."
Translation: Corpses in my backyard? Check!
"It is also curious to note a bit of a disconnect in how the author of this poem mathematically defines women as purely time and money."
Translation: This author is a sexist asshat. So are all men.
"so then there's a bit of a disconnect - my professor tells me something in chinese, i understand in chinese, and then i have to write it down in english while she's still going on in chinese. "
Translation: I can totally relate to the dude whose department chair is an asshat. Also, I think I found his undies. They smell nice.
WOW! That was a long post! I'd recommend you take a break from the computer about now...
Behold, the danger of long posts!
Photo cred: Reuters/Luis Reyes -- story here.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Sexy cops. Celebs. And the real reason De Niro started the festival...
Check out my exclusive photo tour of the 2006 Tribeca Film Festival. All stunning photos and mediocre content by moi!*
TRIBECA SPECIAL: A Tour of Downtown
What does the triangle below Canal look like before the stars arrive? Here's a hint: fewer diamonds, more graffiti.
Behold! the coveted swag bags!
Click on the link below for the whole fantabulous photo tour!
*If you are a close friend or family, you may have already gotten an email just like this. Lucky you!